Ask Notary - Pour Your Life Problems Here and Let's Work It Out

[Notary]

Disclaimer:

Please note that a counsellor do not provide solutions to their clients.
They can only help their clients to better understand their options in the midsts of their difficult situation and allow the client to make their own decisions in a more informed manner.
A counsellor plays the role of a listening ear and a light beacon - this is what I am doing here.




Greetings Brothers and Sisters of SBF,



It has always been my dream to help others through the use of words. Since 10 years ago I've been counselling individuals from non-profitable organisations, educational institutes and friends. I am not trying to establish a "god-like-know-it-all" status here in this forum, I just want to help and I hope that in time to come my words can make a big difference to your life.



My specialisations:

• Boy Girl Relationship (BGR)
• Marriage
• Life & Existence
• Sex
• Love
• Finacial Indebtness
• Gambling
• China, Shenzhen
• KTVs, Massage with Happy Ending, Clubbing, Freelance Escorts, etc.
• Operating Businesses / Entrepreneurship

I will also be archiving posts that were answered in other parts of SBF into this thread - this gives Samsters a one-stop access to all life-related questions should one be seeking for directions.

“If you choose to not deal with an issue,
then you give up your right of control over the issue
and it will select the path of least resistance.”

― Self-help Author, Susan Del Gatto


"Problem-solving becomes a very important part of our makeup as we grow into maturity..."

― Salesman, and Motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar


"There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope."

― Philosopher Sir Bernard Arthur Owen Williams



You have nothing to lose, your identity remains private, you don't have to pay anything and you stand a chance of solving your problems. I hope the SammyBoy community, administrators, sponsor and moderators will give their fullest support to this thread.



Here's wishing everyone all the best towards their road of recovery and healing!

With pleasure,
Notary

[Notary]

Poster: singaporedude
Title: Getting it out of me

Problem:

"I'm writing this to get it out of me. So basically i'm with my girlfriend for about 5 years. Started since JC, so its been awhile. She's a pretty, slim, kind and understanding person, but downright conservative. Our relationship is considerably strong and we know we will be marrying one another.

Over the years, as a guy with raging hormones, i've tried to achieve some intimacy, but the furthest we went was petting. But even for petting, there is a deep sense of guilt in her and its quite contagious. So we seldom do it. We have talked it through and i know that she doesn't want intimacy until we get married. She feels that only after marriage, we can be responsible for the consequence of sex, i.e pregnancy. Even though proper condom usage can prevent unwanted pregnancy, she felt that the 5% risk of failure is too high. Though i have to agree on this, but there's this frustration.

Both of us are in uni, she's graduating and i'm still studying, we are looking to get married in perhaps 5 more years when we are financially stable. So this is where the issue arise. I think it's something about me, that i feel damn sian and tired to have to wait another 5 years before anything can be done legitimately and guilt-free.

It not difficult to maintain my girlfriend since she's not the $$$ kind, but its tiring because she's the service kind. Have to do a lot , in many small yet significant ways, devote lots of time and attention to the relationship. I enjoy pouring her with the services, because those smile on her face makes me happy. But, there's this constant thought that i'm loving her more than she love me. I feel frustrated and sad that this relationship is like a one-way effort. I'm a gift and touch person, and i feel appreciated with these. Though she knows that i need these inputs, she is not the kind of girl who will buy gift for me or push her moral boundaries for intimacy. On my end, i also feel heart-pained to see that she have to spend $$$ on gifts, even though i will like to receive them. So, gift is more like a once a year thing, where i will chip in with her to buy for myself. What she would do naturally is to concern about me, and probably that's all.

I love her and i won't visit FL or ML for the quick-fixes. But whenever i feel the need and perhaps frustrated of the imbalances in this relationship, i resort to porn and masturbation. I used to not watch porn and masturbate so often, but i do it like 3-4times a week now? At times i feel guilty doing so and like i'm fucking a screen, but that's probably the only way i can release the inner frustrations. Anyway, what sparked me to write this is just wanting to share this with somebody. It is quite difficult to share such stuffs with friends since its quite personal.

I sincerely thanks those who spend time to read this post and i shall remain in this pot of relationship misery."



Notary's Reply:


"Greetings TS,



Thank you for pouring out your misery in this forum - definitely a good first step for your relationship breakthrough. I would like to commend on your faithfulness towards your fiancé, I can only hope that she would do the same for you in the many years to come.



Sex is Normal. Your raging need for sex is perfectly normal. However, the sense of guilt the both of you are experiencing is not. According to WebMD, LLC., we humans will crave to satisfy our sexual desires because God made us this way, we are wired to want sex and this want comes naturally when you are in love. Have you ever wondered if your girl's hesitation to withhold sex is a manifestation of the lack of love towards you?



Stand on Your Beliefs Firmly. If you think that sex is bad before marriage because your soul tells you so or because your religion states so, then know that your abstinence is of good returns (I cannot really specify what these 'good returns' are). Try telling your sweetheart that you are masturbating 4 days a week while watching different screaming hot stranger babes on the Internet, what do you think she is going to say? This, in my opinion, is already cheating.



On the other hand, if you believe that sex is acceptable before marriage, you got to communicate with her. Think about it this way - the both of you are on a ship in a stormy sea, she wants to go north but you want to go south; not being able to decide will cause the both of you to eventually drown. If she expects you to hold back for another 5 years and this is something that you do not believe in, you might want to reconsider this relationship. You are missing out on a lot of sexual pleasure. Life is short bro, fuck it.



Getting Pregnant is not that Easy. There are some chances that you can get pregnant with a condom, but it’s unlikely. Researchers and medical experts put the figures of condom contraceptive use efficiency at about 97% to 98%. If you are really that afraid, fuck her 3 days before her period and after her period for up to 3 days while her eggs are taking a holiday at Maldives. You could also be smart about your sexual adventure with her by not doing stupid things. Check out Weider Publications' Men's Fitness for "The 10 Dumb Mistakes That Can Get Her Pregnant". If you are still shivering in fear after all the above, get yourself a spermicided condom from http://www.durex.com.sg and do her with it.



It is all in the Communication. Author Fred Rogers says: “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” Try talking to her, let her know how you feel, let her know that you've got needs and these needs have to be satisfied. Consider getting married earlier, speak with your parents and get them to help you a little financially. Remember, sit down and communicate nicely, if things are not agreeable, simply move on.





Good luck bro."

[Notary]

Poster: ice2001
Title: Life is so meaningless


Situation:

Dear All,

I am facing a dilemma of my life.

I am in love with a woman so much that I am willing to forsake all I have to be with her. But I am a married man.

No one in my life give me such a heartbeat. To me she is the prettiest woman in my life. When I am with her I am extrememly happy and I want to give everything I have with her. I am not sure she loves me because of really me or just for the things I can give her now.

Me and my wife have no more feeling. What I have is only responsibilities toward my children. She is a good mother. I fail as a father and maybe also fail as a husband. I am willing to give my wife everything and start afresh again. But if I divorce I will lose my children. Because the woman I love is jealous of my wife. She keep thinking I still love my wife. But even I divorce my children is still my children. I will need to see my wife then I can see my children. Is a marriage paper so important to a woman?

Now I like to seek all samsters advice:
1) should I because of a word responsibilities and be unhappy because I can't be with the woman I love? OR
2) should I seek my happiness and ignore all responsibilities and let my children hate me forever?

Life is meaningless to me. I can't choose best of both world. I am too naive when this started but I never thought I will ever love a woman more than myself so much.

Please do not flame me. I am just a hopeless and depress guy looking for answer. Now I can't eat, work, sleep well. My life is in a mess.



Notary's Reply:

Bro Ice,



I'm sorry to hear that you are in this confused situation. I hope to help you iron out a few things. First of all, you need to be very clear with these 2 definitions: (A) Infatuation & (B) Love



Infatuation is an intense feeling of excitement of being with your partner. Some people call this the "honeymoon period". When you are so infatuated with the other party, you could hardly finish your food or when you think of her, you get butterflies in your stomach. Infatuation is purely an emotion and a feeling, it dies after sometime. No one I know on this Earth is infatuated with one another since the beginning till the end.



Love is a beautiful thing. It consist of different elements pieced together to form its definition. Love is being patient, kind, long-suffering, positive, caring, free from envy, free from evil and etc from your other half. Notice that all these elements are very hard to fulfill especially when you know the bad habits of your partner already. This is why love is beautiful because it takes one to sacrifice himself to accept the flaws of his other half. Love is not just a feeling, it is a firm decision of wanting to build a life together.



According to your own words, you are unsure if the 3rd party is there for you or for your material possessions. With this unknown element, are you ready to forsake your wife (the good mother of your children)?



Your new woman might be pretty, she might say beautiful things to you all the time, she could have pressed your buttons correctly and she gives you the sex that your wife had stopped providing you with. Is that what you are looking for? I don't mean to sound harsh here but the truth to the matter is, that lady i've described sounds exactly like what a whore could also provide.



A clean divorce could only be achieved if both parties agree to it - you talk monetary and children custody terms and then come to a conclusion together. Have you tried exploring the avenue of reconciling your marriage? Have you sat down and spoke to your wife about how you feel, what you want and where you might want to take this marriage to in the future?



Don't get me wrong, I am not asking you to be a holy angel, we men have needs, you just need to be living consciously and know what you are doing. If that new women in your life is just a cushion to your current problems, then enjoy her healing essence (the sweet nothings, the sex and etc) and remember to go home - the place where your wife and your children are waiting for you at.



Nevertheless, whatever decision you have made for yourself, just don't look back and regret. We take responsibility for every single move we make and I am sure no matter what your choice is, the bros in this forum will give you their greatest blessings and emotional support.



Good luck Bro.



With pleasure,
Notary

[Notary]

Poster: tabio99
Title: Dating older women



Situation:



Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..



Notary's Reply:


Greetings Bro Tabio,


It's good to hear that you're restarting your life, it takes a lot of courage to face divorce and the potential shame that you might receive from your family, friends and society.

I think the most crucial question you got to ask yourself is, are you hastily trying to get into another committed relationship to fill a void in your heart or to prove to the whole world that you're stable again?

Apart from your partner being 4 years older than you, I'm sure you're very aware that you're into a "buy-one-get-one-free" scheme - her young kid will become your responsibility and the young kid's biological father might still be pretty much involved in the kid's life, maybe not now but it might be so in future.

Ultimately, who is to be the judge when it comes to the matters of the heart? I would say there is no age gap in love. Just be aware what you're in for and if shit hits the fan in future, just know that this was the decision you've made and no one is to be blamed, not even yourself.

Good luck bro.


With pleasure,
Notary

[hijav]

Originally Posted by Notary

Poster: ice2001
Title: Life is so meaningless


Situation:

Me and my wife have no more feeling. What I have is only responsibilities toward my children. She is a good mother. I fail as a father and maybe also fail as a husband. I am willing to give my wife everything and start afresh again. But if I divorce I will lose my children. Because the woman I love is jealous of my wife. She keep thinking I still love my wife. But even I divorce my children is still my children. I will need to see my wife then I can see my children. Is a marriage paper so important to a woman?

Notary's Reply:


Your new woman might be pretty, she might say beautiful things to you all the time, she could have pressed your buttons correctly and she gives you the sex that your wife had stopped providing you with. Is that what you are looking for? I don't mean to sound harsh here but the truth to the matter is, that lady i've described sounds exactly like what a whore could also provide.



With pleasure,
Notary

Well said, Notary. This guy is too blind. If his new lady is of good character, she will not be so jealous which reeks of neediness and insecurity. All I can say is that he cant see it for himself. Desperate people attract desperate partners.

[Notary]

Originally Posted by hijav

Well said, Notary. This guy is too blind. If his new lady is of good character, she will not be so jealous which reeks of neediness and insecurity. All I can say is that he cant see it for himself. Desperate people attract desperate partners.

Just hope that this bro will find his way soon.

[Grounded Eagle]

Very good thread

[leakypipes]

Kudos to you bro for offering help.

So for me, I grew up tough life. Family not much money. But I manage to break cycle n went uni, got job. Now I got own family w kids. Can provide fir my dad.

But even though I got all I dreamed off, I feel like I'm not living. I have lost track of who I am and what I like. I searching for myself. Any advice on how to start?

I guess I lost myself because I spent younger days working and living for other ppl. I focus on making money first to kao Tim my dad. Then now my own family.

So I had an extreme reaction. I indulge in hedonism. Sometimes I still do. But deep down, I know I still looking for me.

[Ngengheng]

Originally Posted by Notary

Poster: tabio99
Title: Dating older women



Situation:



Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..

Is better dont try buy one get one free scheme. Try not to get commit into such relationships as it will bring more headache . The woman will focus her attention to her kids . Just becareful some woman might wants to make use of a man for financial support for her kids.......There will be lots of jealously . Perhaps I am selfish and this is my opinion. To my observation ang mos loves such scheme. Many marries single mother.

[hijav]

Originally Posted by Ngengheng

To my observation ang mos loves such scheme. Many marries single mother.

That is what happened to my friend

[Notary]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

Kudos to you bro for offering help.

So for me, I grew up tough life. Family not much money. But I manage to break cycle n went uni, got job. Now I got own family w kids. Can provide fir my dad.

But even though I got all I dreamed off, I feel like I'm not living. I have lost track of who I am and what I like. I searching for myself. Any advice on how to start?

I guess I lost myself because I spent younger days working and living for other ppl. I focus on making money first to kao Tim my dad. Then now my own family.

So I had an extreme reaction. I indulge in hedonism. Sometimes I still do. But deep down, I know I still looking for me.

Greetings Bro leakypipes,



First of all, please allow me to salute your hard work and determination in life to break the cycle of poverty and hardship. Congratulations on obtaining a university degree and having your own beautiful family. You have no idea how many people you have impacted in a positive way – I’m sure your father, wife and children speak highly of you.



I can relate to your feeling of being lost, it is a form of emptiness that sometimes even money cannot fill. As such, you become hedonistic, you turn to finding the next new high – this adrenaline rush is like morphine to your soul, it numbs your pain, feels your void and it helps you to hang a temporary smile on your face.



Unfortunately, I am unable to provide a step-by-step instruction manual for you to find yourself. This is your own journey and you need to independently find peace and purpose deep down your heart. Think about this, if you believe that you are a superior creature walking on this Earth and if you believe that you only have this one lifetime (the disbelief in reincarnation), what would you want to accomplish before you die?



Once you find that purpose, you might want to act on in and be damn good at it. For some it could be teaching, for some it is singing in a bar, for some it is being a listening ear in some old folk’s home and for some it is helping others to find their way in SBF. What’s yours?



I don’t see anything wrong with pursuing a hedonistic lifestyle so long as you do not get into debt with in and harm anyone along the way. For that matter, the next time when you want to go have fun, give me a buzz and let us go and party away the pain of this life.



“I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.”
-- Literature, Fiction, Mystery & Thrillers Author, Rita Mae Brown



I wish you well bro. Take care.



With pleasure,
Notary

[Ladyrain]

I can relate to your feeling of being lost, it is a form of emptiness that sometimes even money cannot fill. As such, you become hedonistic, you turn to finding the next new high – this adrenaline rush is like morphine to your soul, it numbs your pain, feels your void and it helps you to hang a temporary smile on your face. 

Quoted.

How very true. . "Even Money cant fill" "Next high" "Adrenaline rush" "numbs pain"

[solarflare]

seems like a good thread.

[leakypipes]

Originally Posted by Notary

Greetings Bro leakypipes,



First of all, please allow me to salute your hard work and determination in life to break the cycle of poverty and hardship. Congratulations on obtaining a university degree and having your own beautiful family. You have no idea how many people you have impacted in a positive way – I’m sure your father, wife and children speak highly of you.



I can relate to your feeling of being lost, it is a form of emptiness that sometimes even money cannot fill. As such, you become hedonistic, you turn to finding the next new high – this adrenaline rush is like morphine to your soul, it numbs your pain, feels your void and it helps you to hang a temporary smile on your face.



Unfortunately, I am unable to provide a step-by-step instruction manual for you to find yourself. This is your own journey and you need to independently find peace and purpose deep down your heart. Think about this, if you believe that you are a superior creature walking on this Earth and if you believe that you only have this one lifetime (the disbelief in reincarnation), what would you want to accomplish before you die?



Once you find that purpose, you might want to act on in and be damn good at it. For some it could be teaching, for some it is singing in a bar, for some it is being a listening ear in some old folk’s home and for some it is helping others to find their way in SBF. What’s yours?



I don’t see anything wrong with pursuing a hedonistic lifestyle so long as you do not get into debt with in and harm anyone along the way. For that matter, the next time when you want to go have fun, give me a buzz and let us go and party away the pain of this life.



“I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.”
-- Literature, Fiction, Mystery & Thrillers Author, Rita Mae Brown



I wish you well bro. Take care.



With pleasure,
Notary

thanks for listening and replying. you're spot on about the thinking i have. i wish i knew though, what is it i want to accomplish b4 i die. right now, it feels like i have already accomplished the goal of taking care of family. i could die.

and yet at the same time, i feel i have unfinished business. i wish i knew what that was... so for now, i just enjoy myself. will drop you a message next time i intend to go for a drink... or more...

[Notary]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

thanks for listening and replying. you're spot on about the thinking i have. i wish i knew though, what is it i want to accomplish b4 i die. right now, it feels like i have already accomplished the goal of taking care of family. i could die.

and yet at the same time, i feel i have unfinished business. i wish i knew what that was... so for now, i just enjoy myself. will drop you a message next time i intend to go for a drink... or more...

Looking forward to that drink.
Should you want to chat, you could also add me on my WeChat account. ID is QCWholesale.



Don't die bro, the beauties and pleasures of this world await you dearly.



With pleasure,
Notary