Ang mor FT complains sinkieland is too "sexually unabashed" for her daughter

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Moving from buttoned-up Dubai to sexually unabashed Singapore
Our reader, who is a serial mover, advises how to counter the stress of upping sticks from one foreign country and moving to another


With a sea of uncovered knees and shoulders, and sexual imagery on display, Helen McClure struggled to adjust to Singapore's Orchard Road after living in Dubai Photo: ROSLAN RAHMAN/AFP/Getty Images
By Helen McClure
10:01AM GMT 17 Jan 2014

"Mammy, what's a condom?" This is not what you want to hear from your six-year-old daughter. I began to curse the day she learnt to read.

"Umm, it's short for condominium. It's like an apartment. Oh, look something pretty and shiny," I replied in a vain attempt to distract her. We had alighted the hotel courtesy bus right outside the House of Condoms, an aptly named shop at the aptly named Lucky Plaza shopping centre, in
Orchard Road.

We had only been in Singapore a day, and I was already beginning to wonder what kind of place this was. It was all a bit of a culture shock, and I was surprised by how I felt – having spent more than four years of my life in the Middle East, first in Kuwait as a child, and then more recently in Dubai,
I had obviously absorbed some of the regional sensitivities. Coupled with a natural British tendency to be a little prudish, this meant I needed to toughen up

After all, we're seasoned expats. My youngest daughter is four and this is the fourth country she has lived in, having moved from the UK, to Chicago, to Dubai and now Singapore. But we were finding that moving between two countries that were not our motherland presented an additional challenge.

Part of the problem is culture. We had thrown ourselves into our previous life in Dubai with gusto.

Yes, we hung out at the nice restaurants and sat by the pool when we had the chance, but part of the reason I love being an expat is that it exposes you to different cultures – you learn how to live in harmony and with respect. So I was used to covering my shoulders and knees. I knew I could get a drink at a hotel, but it wasn't readily available in the supermarket. And don't talk about sex. The subject is so suppressed I blush thinking that it is actually part of everyday life.


So here I was on the street, holding my daughter's hand, standing outside what was obviously a sex shop, wearing a skirt above my knees, with the hustle and bustle of what seemed like the globe's entire population swarming around me. I felt overwhelmed. I knew I would have to change my
perspective.

Going into a convenience store to buy a bottle of water I noticed cans of beer readily for sale, and at 10.30am began to wonder: "Is it too early to have a drink?" Maybe that's a reframe too far.

So here are my top tips for coping with the expat move:

• Accept help
I am terrible at this, but when you're leaving one country and moving to another, you need support. I received invaluable help from friends who offered to pick the children up from school or take them for a playdate, ferry me around when we had sold our car, put us up for the night after all our furniture had been packed, and brought coffee and cakes when I was in the middle of putting our life back in boxes. An expat's life is about reciprocal support so learn to give and accept.

• Lists
Write lots and keep them all in one place; lists of things you need until the last moment; lists of stuff to put in a suitcase so you can survive until your freight arrives; lists of people to contact; lists of admin to complete, bills to pay, contracts to end etc. Remember to keep your most valuable possessions, including birth certificates and jewellery, with you, as they are often not covered by insurance. And don't pack your passport in the freight.


• Act like a tourist
You won't be on holiday forever, but when you arrive in your new country you may be in temporary accommodation until your freight arrives. Get your bearings and research the best places to live by getting the guidebook out. It can be overwhelming being stuck in an unknown place, especially if you have children to entertain. Imagine your knowledge of your new home as a triangle and you're at the top

Get to grips with the tourist hotspots first, as these are often popular landmarks, and gradually as you meet people, pick up leaflets and pass interesting crossroads, your knowledge will broaden.

• Cultural diversity
One of the benefits of being an expat is the insight it gives you into other cultures. Accept that with each new country you move to, you make a fresh start and have the opportunity to try new things. Adaptability is key, whether it's learning a new language, trying to
work out the local currency or navigating the social minefield of customs.


Finally, remember that there are thousands of people in the same boat, so reach out a hand for help – in the supportive community of expats someone will grab it.


Helen McClure is the journalist behind Expat Explorers at expatexplorers.org. Follow her on

Twitter @ExpatExplorers
© Copyright of Telegraph Media Group Limited 2014


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