How To Rectify PreMature Ejaculation

[thaivisitor]

This whole article is 40 A4 pages long, so for those of you who are interested, you have to be very patient in "collecting" all the information here.

I suggest that you can "cut and paste" the information provided and compiled it into a book and use it for reference.

There are also pictures on what you can do to help in your problem but that comes very much later in this series.

I hope you guys find this information useful.

Cheers
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Premature Ejaculation

Ok, so you're having a problem coming too quickly. You put your penis into her vagina, feel that delicious warmth and wetness, and before you've thrusted more than a few times, once again, you're ejaculating uncontrollably. That's why you're here, right? Well, the good news is that with some commitment, you can solve this issue quite easily and become a longer lasting lover.

And the other piece of good news is that you're not alone! Whatever your friends may tell you about their sexual performance (and despite what you've seen in porn movies), the simple fact is this: over three quarters of men ejaculate within two or three minutes of entering their partner's vagina.

This may be no comfort if you're a quick comer, especially if you're upset that you can't last longer in bed, but what it means is this: premature ejaculation is both normal and very common.

Now, you want to last longer, and that's a great objective. But have you thought how long would satisfy you? Would ten minutes of vaginal thrusting be good enough? Or would you want to go on for half an hour? Well, surprising as it may seem, the length of time for which you can thrust your penis in her vagina isn't the point. Why? Because when you learn to deal with premature ejaculation, you don't learn to go on for a particular length of time - you learn to ejaculate when you want to.

This may surprise you. As a quick comer, you're probably used to your orgasm approaching and your ejaculation following hard on its heels with a sense of having no control over the process. How could anyone, you may think, learn to ejaculate when they want to? And what may seem even more puzzling is working out how this is done! I mean, how do you decide to ejaculate? And what do you actually do to make it happen?

The answer is that ejaculation can be either a voluntary or an involuntary function. It's a bit like breathing. You don't have to think about your breathing for most of the time because it just carries on. But when you want to, you can bring it under your conscious control, and choose to breathe more slowly or faster as you wish. This is what you can learn to do with your ejaculation - slow it down or speed it up, but above all, choose when you want to come.

Sometimes, of course, when you are very aroused - or when your partner is very aroused - you will find that your ejaculation tends to happen more quickly. (After all, there is nothing like making love to a very aroused woman to make a man spurt faster!) But the point of what we're going to do here is to make you feel in control - to leave you with an element of choice about when you come.

Coming next - Why Do Men Come So Quickly
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[thaivisitor]

Why Do Men Come So Quickly?

Well, you may be thinking, that's all very well, but why do men come so quickly anyway?

There are several reasons. The first is that we're male animals. As I said above, surveys show that three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of entering their partner's vagina. For young men in particular, four minutes is almost a lifetime of thrusting! But why? You might think it strange that rapid ejaculation is so common. After all, there are few things in life more pleasant than having your erect penis in a warm, moist vagina! But imagine how our ancestors lived. They wandered about in a harsh environment, probably at risk of being killed by hostile enemies. The shorter the time during which males were distracted by the act of sex, the better, because they were defenseless while they mated. The quicker they mounted the female, ejaculated and dismounted, the better. Sex wasn't for pleasure - it was for reproduction. So, in evolutionary terms, it would be much safer to make the act as brief as possible. And what's more, the less time males spent on sex, the more time would be available for protecting the females and babies or hunting. This must have been an effective strategy for preserving the species and producing babies, but it certainly didn't leave us with a great legacy as human males: the thrusting of a penis in a vagina was designed to produce a quick ejaculation. And all too often it still does!

The second reason is that we learn to ejaculate quickly as young men. Most boys discover masturbation in secret, and I think almost every young man would be horrified if his parents ever revealed that they knew he was masturbating - it just isn't talked about, even though every father in the world masturbated when he was a boy (and probably still does). So even though almost all teenage boys masturbate with great enthusiasm and frequency, we don't talk about it, and there's still a lot of shame attached to the act. And the shame means it's done quickly - under the bedclothes, in the bathroom, wherever: reaching orgasm isn't something that a boy learns to spin out and enjoy to the full. He never tries to keep himself on the edge of coming for as long as possible. Nor does he ever stop to savor the experience: the urgency is too great, and his quick orgasm is too rewarding anyway! All of this means he does not learn about the feelings in his body as he moves towards orgasm, especially the feelings that mean he is about to ejaculate. The result is that he has no sense of how to slow down and spin out the process. And so he never learns how to control his arousal and the speed with which he reaches orgasm.

And the third reason we may ejaculate quickly is that we're not confident lovers, confident in our sexuality, or confident with women. Anxiety is the enemy of self-control, so fears about our performance don't help us to be long lasting lovers. It's a fact that having the confidence to know you can keep going actually helps you keep going. The opposite seems to be true, too: if you're not confident of your ability to keep going, your nervousness increases your level of emotional and sexual arousal, and, before you know it, bang! you've ejaculated too soon again.

To put this in simple terms, getting a woman and having sex is an urge driven by every aspect of our masculine being. It's fundamental to our self-image as men, and it's something that we think about endlessly (as you know!). But often, when we get a partner, there's a sense of perhaps not quite being in command of the situation, a certain surprise, perhaps, that we are in a sexual relationship with a woman who wants us to make love to her; and if this is backed up by a sense of nervousness about not being up to the job, or not being fully sexually confident, or even at some very deep level of our male soul feeling afraid of women, or angry at women, then premature ejaculation is to be expected. But it can still be controlled.

Coming Next - But Can Men Really Control Their Ejaculation?
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[thaivisitor]

But Can Men Really Control Their Ejaculation?

I remember my first experience of sex very clearly. I ejaculated the moment I penetrated my girlfriend's vagina and felt the warmth of her body around my penis, and I continued doing this for many weeks after that. No-one would describe that as a satisfactory sexual experience, I’m sure. But then what would be satisfactory? Ten minutes spent thrusting before coming? Half an hour? An hour? I remember a friend telling me when we were in our late teens that he could actually choose when to let go and ejaculate. I found this absolutely astonishing: if he and his girlfriend wanted a "quickie", he said, he allowed himself to ejaculate almost at once, simply choosing not to make it last; but if they wanted prolonged intercourse, then he could thrust away for ages.

I found it difficult to believe this, because like most men my experience was about grimly hoping for the best and yet nearly always coming uncontrollably - not that it was ever unpleasant, of course, but it was certainly disappointing. So, like I said above, the important thing about premature ejaculation is not so much that a guy comes quickly, but that he has no control over when he comes. If you're a quick comer, what you need to learn is not to last longer but to be able to control your ejaculation and have choice over when you ejaculate.

Coming Next - What About The Woman's Experience?
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Enough information for today. I'll continue tomorrow.

Cheers
thaivisitor

[euphoria777]

Bro.....dun stop leh....this is very informative, appreciate your effort.
And hor, cannot wait till tomorrow lah, tonight got hot date leh....

[thaivisitor]

What about the woman's experience?

For the female partner, quick ejaculation may be frustrating, especially if she thinks she might have an orgasm through intercourse if only her man could thrust for long enough! This may produce conflict, though couples may choose to deal with premature ejaculation by ensuring that the woman has one or more orgasms through oral sex or masturbation before her man enters her. This will mean that no matter how quickly he comes, they are both satisfied. And if the partners embrace and cuddle afterwards, they can still enjoy wonderful feelings of closeness and love. It's also important to remember that for some couples, premature ejaculation is not a problem - in which case it probably isn't "premature", its fine! But a lot of couples want to be able to control their lovemaking, and both the man and the woman may be keen to see the man last longer.

Coming Next - Some things for you (and your partner) to understand about premature ejaculation
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Some things for you (and your partner) to understand about premature ejaculation

Sometimes a woman finds it hard to understand why a guy cannot control his orgasm. She may even suggest that it means her man doesn't love her! She may think he doesn't care, or that he's just being selfish. Even when she genuinely doesn't mind, and simply wants him to be happy by being able to enjoy vaginal thrusting for longer, he may interpret what she says as meaning she really didn't enjoy sex very much because he came too soon. And of course if a man feels badly about coming too soon, he may be angry with himself and lose the special connection with his partner that the couple had established during the early stages of their lovemaking. She may then feel rejected and hurt.

So, if any of this is happening to you or your partner, now's the time to talk about it, and to understand that it isn't anybody's fault, nor is it personal. Even though your sex life isn't what you'd like it to be, you can still have fun, laugh, and reach orgasm through masturbation or oral sex. And kissing, cuddling and holding each other are still fun and enjoyable things to do even if you spurt after two thrusts in her vagina! Share with each other how you feel about it. You, as the man, can tell her how it makes you feel, and she can explain how she sees it. Then, being open and honest with each other, you can go to work on the problem together - without resentment or blame!

And, by the way, many women are upset about their guy's premature ejaculation because they simply enjoy the sensation of having him inside her, and his coming quickly deprives her of this sensation. So, if your partner finds penetration rewarding, then you can try putting your erect penis into her vagina without moving or thrusting, and in this way enjoy being close for quite a long time. It really doesn't take that much effort to resist the temptation to thrust, and by hugging each other close as you do this, the woman may get great satisfaction and feel very loved. Obviously this idea can avoid the problem of you not being in her for very long before you shoot. Try it and see if it helps. But in the end you will probably want to become a longer lasting lover by using the exercises lower down this page!

By the way, it's normal for guys to come more quickly with one woman than another: usually a man comes more quickly with an aroused, passionate and exciting lover, because a woman's arousal is a real turn-on for him. And, as you probably know, a man can usually last much longer when his partner gives him oral sex. It's also very common for a man to ejaculate quicker if he's not having sex very often or if he's seeing his partner relatively infrequently.

Coming Next - The male sexual response - learning to last longer
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by euphoria777

Bro.....dun stop leh....this is very informative, appreciate your effort.
And hor, cannot wait till tomorrow lah, tonight got hot date leh....

I understand bro but giving too much info may be boring as it may be too much to absorb. So giving it out by parts can actually help the reader understand better. So be patient and you'll definitely benefit as this is actually really good stuff.

Cheers
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

The male sexual response - learning to last longer

If you're now scratching your head in bewilderment, and wondering how a man can possibly control when he comes, think of masturbation. You can almost certainly choose how quickly you ejaculate when you masturbate - or, at the very least, you'll have more control over how quickly you come. This article will show you how to gain enough control over your ejaculatory response while you're having sex to be able to ejaculate when you want - at least, for most of the time. To do this, it's helpful to understand the normal "cycle" of male sexual arousal. This has four parts to it: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. (I promise you that reading all this will be helpful in learning to control your ejaculation, so be patient! The methods you can use to control premature ejaculation come later. Pun intended!)

Coming Next - Excitement
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[thaivisitor]

Excitement

The road to orgasm begins with some stimulation which increases sexual arousal in your mind and body. In your mind, you begin to feel horny; in your body, you get an erection. In men there may also be an increase in muscle tension, flushing of the skin and erection of the nipples. Although you might not be aware of it, your testicles swell up, your scrotum tightens, and your penis begins to seep a lubricating fluid which is designed to lubricate the movement of the foreskin over the glands: this liquid is known as "pre-cum", and it can be an exciting sexual stimulant in its own right - certainly as exciting as the lubrication which a woman produces from her vagina when she is entering her phase of sexual excitement.

Assuming that your penis is engorged with blood, and your erection is hard and firm, or, if you are middle-aged or older, perhaps slightly less firm than it once was, you're well into the phase of sexual excitement. This can last for hours, although it is likely that a man who's excited but doesn't have an orgasm will lose his erection after a while. It's possible that a young man's arousal or excitement will become so intense that he spontaneously ejaculates.

The excitement phase of sexual arousal can be a rewarding experience even if it doesn't progress to orgasm, because your brain is producing endorphins, which are the body's own natural morphine-like pleasure drugs. What's more, an erection is pleasant in itself, since it puts pressure on the sensitive parts of the penis head. The longer the excitement phase goes on, the more intense your orgasm will be when you finally come. In fact it's worth sacrificing the quick pleasure of a rapid orgasm for the greater pleasure achieved when you come after an hour or two's erection and arousal. This is because the longer the excitement phase lasts, the greater the volume of seminal fluid produced by your prostate and other glands. When your ejaculation does occur, this greater volume of fluid will produce more intense and pleasurable contractions - as well as an impressive shower of ejaculate!

My experience is that no matter how satisfying a quickly attained orgasm can be, an hour or two spent cuddling and kissing and enjoying foreplay will actually make things better for the man as well as the woman (who generally needs much more romantic foreplay to get to the same level of arousal as her man anyway) because as well as producing a much more intense orgasm, the volume of fluid ejaculated will be much greater.

Coming Next - Plateau
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[thaivisitor]

Plateau

The plateau phase is simply the name used to refer to the period while sexual arousal or excitement continues but before orgasm has happened. Assuming that sexual stimulation and arousal continues (or increases) so much as to lead to an orgasm and - intentionally or not - an ejaculation, there's a point just before a man ejaculates called "the point of ejaculatory inevitability": this is the moment when semen is moved from the seminal vesicles and prostate into the base of the penis ready to be ejaculated. You know this experience - it's the moment when you know for sure that you're going to come and nothing, but nothing, will stop it! If you are in control of your ejaculation, it's a glorious moment, during which time seems to stand still for an instant before the contractions of ejaculation shoot your semen out of your penis. If you're not in control it's likely to be a moment just long enough for you to mutter or groan or shout "Oh shit!" before you shoot your load - much to you and your partner's disappointment!

This is where there's a difference between premature ejaculators and those who can last longer: men with ejaculatory control can stay on the plateau phase longer, and they recognize sooner the feelings they get when they approach the moment of ejaculatory inevitability on the road to orgasm. This enables them to reduce their stimulation, lower their arousal, slow down the rate at which they approach orgasm and so stay on the pre-ejaculatory phase of their sexual response. In other words, they don't orgasm or ejaculate uncontrollably. This is illustrated on the graph below.

Sexual response cycle of a man with ejaculatory control
http://img218.exs.cx/img218/3217/control1fl.jpg

Sexual response cycle of the rapid ejaculator
http://img218.exs.cx/img218/640/controlnone9dx.jpg

Coming Next - Orgasm
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Orgasm

The phase of the sexual cycle beyond the moment of ejaculatory inevitability is orgasm, which is usually accompanied by ejaculation. For the moment, we can think of these two things as part of the same process, so closely linked that they are more or less the same.

An orgasm cannot be stopped once it has started, because it's an involuntary process of muscular contraction. But a man can control how quickly he gets to his orgasm in a variety of ways. Most obviously, to speed up his coming, he can increase the pressure on his penis by making deeper or harder thrusts during intercourse or by more vigorous hand movements during masturbation. Another way to "get there faster" is to contract the internal muscles which run through from his pelvic bone to his penis, a movement which both speeds up orgasm and make it more intense. This is the basis of the so-called Kegel exercises for women, used when a woman has a weakness of bladder control. In men, learning to contract and therefore strengthen these very same muscles will result in much more intense orgasms and a much more powerful ejaculation.

Once the level of stimulation has reached a point where the final phase of sexual arousal is initiated, your body prepares itself for the great climax in all kinds of ways. Blood pressure goes up, your heart rate rises, your breathing becomes deeper and heavier, and you thrust deeply into your partner, so as to get your semen deep into her vagina. Some primitive reflex reactions may happen too - for example, you may clasp your partner tightly, so she can't get away as you ejaculate.

Immediately prior to the orgasm itself, seminal fluid builds up in the bulb of the prostate gland. This produces that familiar sense of impending ejaculation, which has been described as one of the finest moments of being a man. This is probably only true if it's under your control! Then, at the moment of orgasm, the testicles are drawn up close to the body, the urinary tract to the bladder closes so that semen has to find its way out of the body through the penis rather than being passed back into the bladder, and the series of muscular contractions which actually constitutes the orgasm takes place. These contractions occur in the muscles at the base of the penis, the muscles of the penis shaft, around the anal sphincter, the pubococcygeus muscle and the muscles of the rectum - they contract about eight times, maybe slightly more or less, at eight-tenths of a second intervals, and as they do so the seminal fluid containing sperm is expelled. These contractions may lead to semen shooting out or just dribbling, depending on the condition of the muscles, how long it is since you last ejaculated, and the volume of fluid which has accumulated during the earlier phases of your sexual arousal.

Orgasms, however, do vary. They aren't all earth-shattering events! There are many reasons why they aren't all as good as each other, of course. Perhaps one of the main reasons is that they do involve the whole body, and therefore simple things like levels of tiredness, fatigue, relaxation and stress will all have an impact on the intensity of the experience. Obviously, how aroused or randy you are feeling will also have an impact on your level of excitement and the intensity of the sensations during sex. One indicator of the intensity of a person's orgasm is the degree to which their facial muscles undergo contortions or the loudness of their involuntary cries at the moment they come.

Coming Next - Things not to do to try and last longer
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Things not to do to try and last longer

The question is - how do you learn to develop control? How do you learn to move more slowly up the arousal side of the graph, and stay longer on the plateau before you shoot your load?

Well, you may have tried creams and lotions which claim to make you last longer - these often don't work, and since they contain an anesthetic, they have the unfortunate side effect of numbing your penis, and perhaps also your partner's vagina. There is little or no evidence that these creams work, and they certainly take away the glorious sensations of thrusting into your partner's vagina, especially if you are not wearing a condom.

You may have tried using a condom, a strategy which actually does work sometimes. However, some men actually find condoms more arousing and likely to make the problem worse. Don't ask me why! Maybe it's the association of the condom with the act of penetration that raises his adrenalin levels and makes him more likely to come quicker. What's worse, though, is that when a couple who are relying on a condom to slow him down change to, say, the pill as a method of birth control, the man may be back to square one.

Thinking about the most boring subject you can, or doing mental arithmetic, is often recommended as a distraction while you thrust. But guess what - this doesn't work either! For one thing it takes you away from the pleasure of the sex act and all its wonderful feelings. For another your partner may sense that you are no longer with her - that you have become a bit distanced from her. And third, it just doesn't work!

Some men try to keep their arousal down before they "get stuck in". But avoiding foreplay is a recipe for disaster. The idea that you can last longer if you don't get aroused before you put your penis in your partner is simply incorrect. You'll ejaculate just as quickly, and because you didn't spend any time on foreplay your partner will be even less sexually fulfilled than she would have been if you had, say, given her oral sex or spent time fondling and kissing before you entered her.

Don't try coming twice in succession - usually it's only a young man who can do this, and unfortunately he is likely to be just as quick the second time as the first. As you get older, you may find that you simply cannot come twice in a session of lovemaking, and the pressure that you put on yourself by trying to do so may well just make you more anxious and therefore contribute to the rapid ejaculation you're experiencing.

coming Next - Sexual positions that don't help the premature ejaculator!
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Sexual positions that don't help the premature ejaculator!

You may have noticed that you come more quickly in some sexual positions than others. This is not a matter of chance - it's all about how much stimulation your penis receives in various sexual positions and how deeply you thrust. So when you're learning to control your ejaculation, you can help by adopting the sexual positions that put less pressure on your penis and which restrict your thrust movements somewhat.

Positions to avoid

The missionary position - the very basic position of sex - is not so good if you want to control your ejaculation and keep your level of arousal under control. This is because it's so easy to thrust - you're on top, she's underneath, which in itself is very stimulating, and the almost irresistible urge to thrust with your hips, pelvis, and even your whole body can send you over the top very quickly. The act of thrusting makes you ejaculate more quickly than if your penis is just inside your partner's vagina and she is moving on you. So - avoid the missionary and any other positions where you can thrust hard.

Rear entry is another very unhelpful one for the premature ejaculator. The sheer excitement of seeing your penis thrusting in and out of her vagina, the sight of her bottom, and the ability to thrust deeply into her as you hold her and feel her breasts is not going to help you slow down!

Positions to try

Side by side and woman on top are the best. They allow less movement for you, and prevent you thrusting as deeply. Your partner will still enjoy these positions - especially woman on top, which can feel very exciting and powerful for her. Side by side positions, reached by starting in the missionary and then rolling over onto your sides, is intimate and gentle, which can be very rewarding for your partner. These positions prevent you thrusting deep or hard, yet still allow you to enjoy the feelings of warmth and moistness of your partner's vagina. You can also play with her breasts and enjoy the connection between you while feeling much more in control of your ejaculation. All in all, side by side sex is highly recommended. But it won't solve the challenge you face on its own.

Coming Next - The skill of ejaculation control
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