Is it dangerous to proceed .....?

[whizzard]

I've known this gal for sometime. She is my sis-in-law's friend which also means my wife knows her. Over time, I became a closer friend to her than my wife or my sis-in-law.

She is well travelled, having worked in SQ before. When I first met her, she had just left SQ and was embarking on a new career as a young greenhorn executive (sorry, can't say what industry to protect everyone's identity). Then, I was a young, hungry and ambitious executive who have made significant progress in my career. She came to me for advice regularly and I sincerely shared with her my honest advice about climbing the corporate world, etc. Though I did harbour mischievious thoughts towards her, I consciously held myself back. Afterall, she knew my wife and that was the only factor that held me back. Over time, I became her mentor (at least that's what she called me).

Busy with our respective careers and not developing anything more than a platonic friendship, we kept in touch off and on as we were posted to different countries. Coincidentally, the both of us ended up back in Singapore a few years ago. We (only the two of us) met up on the rare occasions to catch up with each other and for drinks, but nothing much developed from there other than perhaps a more comfortable understanding and friendship with each other. I would say I am quite close to her to the extent that she has shared with me her affair with an ang moh, her brief fling with a local guy, her aborted pregnancy, etc, things which she shared with me in confidence which in turn I didn't mention to anyone else. Each time we meet, we would spend hours chatting over drinks, getting high and having good conversation that we would have to reluctantly end because we each needed to get back back to our lives (or more like I needed to get back home to my family).

The last time when we met recently, we drank quite a fair bit, in fact until the bar closed and engaged in a good conversation about work, about her life and what she wants, punctuated with laughter throughtout the night. In fact, when we left after drinks, she suggested that we should have a nightcap at a nearby hotel, which we proceeded on to and had several nightcaps.

I had always kept a respectful physical distance from her, for the one and only one reason, she knows my wife. However, the last time we met, it began with a nice warm hug from her. When we reluctantly had to leave for the night, I felt a connection. As the cab arrived, I leaned towards her (intending to give her a goodnight kiss on her cheek) and she naturally leaned her face towards me but it was heading towards my lips. I deftly turned my face a little and planted a goodnight kiss on her cheek, a perfectly harmless gesture though it was the first time I have ever given her a goodnight kiss. I could feel there was an expectation of something more, and despite being inebriated, it was an area I didn't want to jump into. Hence, we bade each other good night as I closed her door and waved for the next cab.

After analysing our relationship, remembering the little cues, I think there's mutual interest between us for some time already. Women have that sixth sense that men are not too cognitive of. We may think we have hidden our desires and motives well when it may have been pretty apparent to her. Despite the various distractions from our careers, our other liaisons, somehow we tend to gravitate back to each other.

Here lies the conundrum for me, not her. Should I cross that barrier? Will it be too dangerous? I have always been drilled with the proverbial saying "never shit in your own backyard". The only time I violated it was when I had that affair with my previous secretary and I've since held steadfastly to that principle since the last violation.

What do you think? I know it wouldn't take much for us to proceed to the next step, but will it be too dangerous for me? I have no intention to cheat her, she knows my circumstances. I don't know what will come out of this relationship but all I know is I can never let my wife know, not that I am afraid of her but because I don't intend to hurt or leave her.

Why do it then? Call it adventurism, call it what you may (definitely not horniness cos' that's easily taken care of). Should I throw caution to the wind and violate the "never shit in your own backyard" principle? Sigh ..... tell me your thoughts on this? My friend's FB told me not to do it. My friend himself kept a diplomatically neutral stance. What do you think?

[cannon2balls]

Keep it status quo :-)

1. You said you dun need her to fulfill your lust, then dun take this risk.

2. You said you don't intend to leave your wife, so even if there is feeling, you can't advance. When the feelings deepen, neither can you retreat.

3. This will lead to no where but headache for you if you choose to advance.

My humble opinion only.

[naturegreen]

Risk % is higher especially when your wife knows her. I think you know best what to do and what not to do.

[Torch_Man]

everybody need somebody sometimes,
regardless whether married, single or attached, boys n gals same.
factors r:
- family issues (lifetime partner, children, reputation, pride, etc)
- career matters (colleagues, bosses, etc)
- peers' feelings (how our buddies or friends look at us)
and many others

as we learnt from Army:
do anything but dun get caught

my point is,
being a friend is much better than any of those advanced affair can provide, and it is a lifelong friendship (relationship) i am talking about, unless your urge is too strong, so why do we spoil it?????

ts,
if u need to, spell it out to her about your thoughts, thinking and worries. who knows???? something better might surface in the end...


jz sharin

[Vaux]

Bro, reading between the lines, you want to do it. But you fear how she will be like after ? But even if you make things clear beforehand that there will be no commitments after and she agrees, she may still change her mind after some time if feelings develop.
There will be risks no matter how you go at it, so it is up to you to weigh it up and decide.
My opinion is, don't go for it.

[Oopsx2010]

Originally Posted by whizzard

What do you think?

A big NO! Never do it if you still treasure your friendship with her and your marriage life..

[DarthRevan]

it's a dangerous game you are playing..bro

[flowerpot]

Wow... very interesting...

If i were you, I would find a chance to french her, and to push her away during the climax of frenching, turn my head away and say, 我们不可以这样的。(We can't do this.)

At this time, see what is her reaction and act accordingly.

If she continues, than Do it man..

If she stops, than tell her, I really got feelings for you, why did'nt we met earlier.

I believe you will still end up screwing her that night, no matter what...

Now the tricky part,

if this happens, you got to beware of not offending her, otherwise, love turn hatred, she will revenge...

If u handle properly, she will be your FB....

[hickeybites]

Originally Posted by flowerpot

if this happens, you got to beware of not offending her, otherwise, love turn hatred, she will revenge...

If u handle properly, she will be your FB....

jus my sis-terly 2c...no judgement here - hey i'm definitely no saint myself
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. i've heard of success cases whereby Guy is bonking mutual friend of Wife & things are all peaches
but i've also seen major shit hit fan & all hell break loose...

the tricky & sensitive part is the emotional investment that she may already have in u.. u guys can talk, u guys share intimate stuff, there're signals flying everywhere. and the thing is she knows your circumstances before the actual deed & is on first name basis with your wife. extended family is also kinda involved since she's ur sis-in-law's friend.

not to hijack thread but to quickly relate something that really happened to highlight my point: my gf's ex-hubby was bonking our mutual friend (A) - A was single & she worked in same type of industry as the hubby. one day A confronted my gf & spilled all the beans about the hubby - basically accusing my gf of holding him back & preventing him from getting a divorce. hubby was shocked - thought A would keep quiet i.e. friendship ensuring complicity. A's point was that hubby must truly be in love with A only & owes her big time because he went all out despite all the huge risks. i was there with my gf when A went crazy & threatened both her & her ex-hubby. Even after they divorced, A would still randomly drop insinuating calls/ text messages to the guy & my gf, basically prolonging the hell. Needless to say our group of friends have disbanded & guy has slunked out of sight

be careful & be safe.

[Lionrod32]

Bro, no point risking your marriage. Resist the temptation as it might be a short term thing ...... Take care

[apalucakap]

Just carry on as usual and stick to your proverb. Not worth going deeper as once emotion sets in, hell sure break loose and hearts will be broken.

[Subaru75]

Bro I have ever go through the same thing similar like your case but my small head get over my big head that why I end up in divorce loss my careers and almost loss everything in my life .my pieces of advise never eat and shit at the same place worst ur wife know her if anything go wrong or out of control that is no way to turn the table around Liao .there is some case that go well but majority fail badly .So if u still want every thing that u have and own now don't try eat else where there is a whole pieces of jungle out there don't loss the jungle of 1 tree

[Preempt]

I have to say don't go for it, too much can be at stake if you get find out.

[ken_v2]

bro,

the fact you are bringing this up in a sex forum, what advice do you wish to hear? something to justify your crossing of the barrier?

if you brought this up in another forum, probably people will ask you to hold back.

haha... so how many requests did you get to pass on her contact?

do what you think is right bro. don't be constraint by the so-called moral values of the society as who are others to judge. i don't the her closeness with your wife and sil is a barrier but rather than crossing over and losing a good confidante.

you know there is no turning back once your lips met, so good move bro to delay that first one.

and good luck!

[whizzard]

Originally Posted by cannon2balls

Keep it status quo :-)

Originally Posted by naturegreen

Risk % is higher especially when your wife knows her. I think you know best what to do and what not to do.

Originally Posted by Torch_Man

as we learnt from Army:
do anything but dun get caught

Originally Posted by Vaux

There will be risks no matter how you go at it, so it is up to you to weigh it up and decide.
My opinion is, don't go for it.

Originally Posted by Oopsx2010

A big NO! Never do it if you still treasure your friendship with her and your marriage life..

Originally Posted by DarthRevan

it's a dangerous game you are playing..bro

Originally Posted by flowerpot

Now the tricky part,

if this happens, you got to beware of not offending her, otherwise, love turn hatred, she will revenge...

If u handle properly, she will be your FB....

Originally Posted by hickeybites

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

be careful & be safe.

Originally Posted by Lionrod32

Bro, no point risking your marriage. Resist the temptation as it might be a short term thing ...... Take care

Originally Posted by apalucakap

Just carry on as usual and stick to your proverb. Not worth going deeper as once emotion sets in, hell sure break loose and hearts will be broken.

Originally Posted by Subaru75

Bro I have ever go through the same thing similar like your case but my small head get over my big head that why I end up in divorce loss my careers and almost loss everything in my life .my pieces of advise never eat and shit at the same place worst ur wife know her if anything go wrong or out of control that is no way to turn the table around Liao .there is some case that go well but majority fail badly .So if u still want every thing that u have and own now don't try eat else where there is a whole pieces of jungle out there don't loss the jungle of 1 tree

Originally Posted by ken_v2

do what you think is right bro.

you know there is no turning back once your lips met, so good move bro to delay that first one.

and good luck!

Thanks for taking the time to provide your invaluable feedback. The reason why I posted it in this forum is because I figured the people in this forum are those who more likely than not, have had direct experiences in these matters.

In summary, almost everyone said its not advisable to proceed, with sound reasoning and logic.

Is it worth it .....? There are others out there ..... Is there a possibility of developing a non-exclusive, better still non-committal relationship with her?

Even the experienced chiongsters are telling me to exercise caution and restraint ..... and it'll be wise of me not to disregard. I will cautiously probe further