More than i could handle

[tornbitwin2]

I'm just using this space as an avenue let go what i have inside.

The short version:
Yours truly is a married man,fell for another woman,almost left the family for this other woman,then came back to the family after knowing that the child has special needs but going through this wave of guilt for both parties.the end.

The long version:
I started off as a typical guy. Did quite ok in my studies,lucky to end up with a good paying job, and after many yrs of dating,married a lovely homely girl,lets call her WIFE.over time, we kinda took each other for granted,even during courting days i used to occasionally sneak out to MPs for a quick session. i should've known better but we got married and things started to go downhill after we had a child. I was busy with work,she was busy being a full time mum. we were staying under the same roof but the distance just grew and grew.
Here is when i really started to venture into commercial sex to the point that it has became somewhat of an addiction. Over time, i could see that i have changed from what i were before. Amidst all these,i got to know this gal,let call her GF. she was totally opposite to WIFE, in term of thinking,character,physical..everything..we started off as casual friends,and ended up as an item. she knew everything abt me and vice versa. she was quite outgoing in our asian terms.lets put it this way, WIFE lost her virginity to me while GF was teaching me different moves in bed,she's quite experienced. sex was one thing, but the relationship with GF was so refreshing. I thought it would probably die down once the novelty wears off but we went on..and on.. for 3yrs.
At this point, WIFE found out about us...

tbc..

[lfc78]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

I'm just using this space as an avenue let go what i have inside.

The short version:
Yours truly is a married man,fell for another woman,almost left the family for this other woman,then came back to the family after knowing that the child has special needs but going through this wave of guilt for both parties.the end.

The long version:
I started off as a typical guy. Did quite ok in my studies,lucky to end up with a good paying job, and after many yrs of dating,married a lovely homely girl,lets call her WIFE.over time, we kinda took each other for granted,even during courting days i used to occasionally sneak out to MPs for a quick session. i should've known better but we got married and things started to go downhill after we had a child. I was busy with work,she was busy being a full time mum. we were staying under the same roof but the distance just grew and grew.
Here is when i really started to venture into commercial sex to the point that it has became somewhat of an addiction. Over time, i could see that i have changed from what i were before. Amidst all these,i got to know this gal,let call her GF. she was totally opposite to WIFE, in term of thinking,character,physical..everything..we started off as casual friends,and ended up as an item. she knew everything abt me and vice versa. she was quite outgoing in our asian terms.lets put it this way, WIFE lost her virginity to me while GF was teaching me different moves in bed,she's quite experienced. sex was one thing, but the relationship with GF was so refreshing. I thought it would probably die down once the novelty wears off but we went on..and on.. for 3yrs.
At this point, WIFE found out about us...

tbc..

Let me guess. You so called GF is a PRC mm?

[alan0338]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

tbc..

me rhc liao ( right here camping ) ....

[tornbitwin2]

in between these 3 years, my relationship with GF was not all that smooth either. we had a number of huge arguments, tried to end the relationship a few times but always end up patching back. if either one of us leaves,the other would pull us back together. the thing is,every time we patch up, the relationship seems to get stronger and stronger while the tie between me and WIFE was getting loose. over this period, GF changed a lot from her previous ways. She had almost totally cut her time with her colleagues and friends just to be with me. For example if she was in the middle of a party or outing with her friends,one phone call from me and she'll drop everything and come over. I pretty much decided that she was the one that was meant for me and was ready to end my marriage.WIFE kinda suspected that something was not right and eventually found out the truth. Just about this time, i got to know that my daughter was autistic.This threw a whole new variable into the equation. Now it wasn't just about the adults anymore. A divorce is always hard for a child, but in this case its going to be even worse because of her condition. At that point of time, i decided to hold on to the marriage for the sake of my daughter.
WIFE started putting in effort both to save the marriage and also help my daughter. i grew to respect her but the affection and closeness that we had years back was still missing.
I did not totally cut ties with GF. I couldn't. WIFE wasn't really sure if i was still in touch with GF. This to and fro got GF really furious as she wanted to know where does she stands and whats in for her. a rightfully fair expectation i would say. Amongst all this with the pressure building up, my performance at work was getting affected. Started drinking more,and spending more on MPs and KTVs. A few more big arguments that went out of hand. I actually hands on GF which i regret until today. Even after that we were back for a short time but with the real depth of my daughter's problem creeping in, i couldn't spend much time with GF. Finally we parted ways,albeit in a very nasty way.
Guess what, it didn't end there. We started contacting again but never met in person.maybe i was scared for some reason, but i avoided meeting her. by this time i could feel a gap between GF and me.. one more big fight over the phone and that was it.coming up to 5 months now and we haven't contacted each other since.
My relationship with WIFE has also been hot and cold ever since. but never as intense as with GF either when its going well or not too well. Now, not a single day passes by without me thinking of GF,its torturous at time when i'm at a low. But I'm just consoling myself it was the best thing to do. My daughter needs me, I can't be there for GF therefore its best that i let her go. She's still young and has a chance to find someone else and move on. However, its easier said than done.i still look at GF's photos, still keep the stuffs she got me. Pretty much living half heartedly at the decision i made. My only consolation is, my daughter's condition has been improving steadily over the past few months.In the past 5 months, WIFE is convinced that i've not been in contact with GF so she has put that aside and having full concentration on my daughters needs. Its like she can sense when her mum is upset or disturbed,which will show up in her daily behaviour at home,theraphy and school.
WIFE has accepted the fact that i have changed and i can't love her like how i used to, we are working together for the child's sake.
I'm not expecting any outcome from posting here,but just feel like telling my story out loud...

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by lfc78

Let me guess. You so called GF is a PRC mm?

nope. she's a divorcee with a turbulent past herself.

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by lfc78

Let me guess. You so called GF is a PRC mm?

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

nope. she's a divorcee with a turbulent past herself.

admittedly, she was living a carefree life after her divorce,but went through a very big change after getting serious with me.
In a way she understood my predicament as she has a child of her own too,its just that she needed the security which i was unable to provide.

[larlee]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

in between these 3 years, my relationship with GF was not all that smooth either. we had a number of huge arguments, tried to end the relationship a few times but always end up patching back. if either one of us leaves,the other would pull us back together. the thing is,every time we patch up, the relationship seems to get stronger and stronger while the tie between me and WIFE was getting loose. over this period, GF changed a lot from her previous ways. She had almost totally cut her time with her colleagues and friends just to be with me. For example if she was in the middle of a party or outing with her friends,one phone call from me and she'll drop everything and come over. I pretty much decided that she was the one that was meant for me and was ready to end my marriage.WIFE kinda suspected that something was not right and eventually found out the truth. Just about this time, i got to know that my daughter was autistic.This threw a whole new variable into the equation. Now it wasn't just about the adults anymore. A divorce is always hard for a child, but in this case its going to be even worse because of her condition. At that point of time, i decided to hold on to the marriage for the sake of my daughter.
WIFE started putting in effort both to save the marriage and also help my daughter. i grew to respect her but the affection and closeness that we had years back was still missing.
I did not totally cut ties with GF. I couldn't. WIFE wasn't really sure if i was still in touch with GF. This to and fro got GF really furious as she wanted to know where does she stands and whats in for her. a rightfully fair expectation i would say. Amongst all this with the pressure building up, my performance at work was getting affected. Started drinking more,and spending more on MPs and KTVs. A few more big arguments that went out of hand. I actually hands on GF which i regret until today. Even after that we were back for a short time but with the real depth of my daughter's problem creeping in, i couldn't spend much time with GF. Finally we parted ways,albeit in a very nasty way.
Guess what, it didn't end there. We started contacting again but never met in person.maybe i was scared for some reason, but i avoided meeting her. by this time i could feel a gap between GF and me.. one more big fight over the phone and that was it.coming up to 5 months now and we haven't contacted each other since.
My relationship with WIFE has also been hot and cold ever since. but never as intense as with GF either when its going well or not too well. Now, not a single day passes by without me thinking of GF,its torturous at time when i'm at a low. But I'm just consoling myself it was the best thing to do. My daughter needs me, I can't be there for GF therefore its best that i let her go. She's still young and has a chance to find someone else and move on. However, its easier said than done.i still look at GF's photos, still keep the stuffs she got me. Pretty much living half heartedly at the decision i made. My only consolation is, my daughter's condition has been improving steadily over the past few months.In the past 5 months, WIFE is convinced that i've not been in contact with GF so she has put that aside and having full concentration on my daughters needs. Its like she can sense when her mum is upset or disturbed,which will show up in her daily behaviour at home,theraphy and school.
WIFE has accepted the fact that i have changed and i can't love her like how i used to, we are working together for the child's sake.
I'm not expecting any outcome from posting here,but just feel like telling my story out loud...

i am sorry for your daughter's condition.
if possible, please try to work on your relationship with your wife too.
many times in life, we cant choose what we want, it is want we need to do.
take care and good luck.

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by larlee

i am sorry for your daughter's condition.
if possible, please try to work on your relationship with your wife too.
many times in life, we cant choose what we want, it is want we need to do.
take care and good luck.

thanks for your concern. yeah its true what u mentioned, but its one of those things so easily said than done. GF and i made a brief contact again a few days back, by chance actually. I called her by mistake while messing around with my phone and she msged me to inquire.i just apologised and that was it. Even that made me skip a heartbeat..

[YawSL]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

thanks for your concern. yeah its true what u mentioned, but its one of those things so easily said than done. GF and i made a brief contact again a few days back, by chance actually. I called her by mistake while messing around with my phone and she msged me to inquire.i just apologised and that was it. Even that made me skip a heartbeat..

It is extremely good of you to go back to your family for the sake of your daughter. How old is your GF?

[MILFrocks]

You have my respect for considering your innocent child. For the sake of the child, you should give your marriage a chance.

[flcult]

Drop the gf n just concentrate on being a good father to yr daughter. It's hard but since when fatherhood n marriage were easy components of life. If it makes u feel better, I dun hv a sex life anymore...n my job sucks.

[Spud_Boy]

it's always difficult to make the choice between the "love of ur life"and ur various "responsibilities", cos it can never be a win-win situation..

but the most impt thing is that since u have made ur decision, stick by it & dun spend time regreting the "what ifs"..

all the best to u, bro..

[kgbkgb]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

thanks for your concern. yeah its true what u mentioned, but its one of those things so easily said than done. GF and i made a brief contact again a few days back, by chance actually. I called her by mistake while messing around with my phone and she msged me to inquire.i just apologised and that was it. Even that made me skip a heartbeat..

if ur serious abt a clean break, delete her ctc then u hv no excuses fr hitting the wrong button

[de-gardener]

I think its always good to while concentrating on ur little girl, take some couple time off too.

it's always gd to talk about the good old times with ur wife.. old feelings might come back.

be intentional

[dickster_99]

For the sake of your daughter, I believe you both can work something out if both of you put in the effort.