Memoirs of a traumatic life... he now belongs to Maria

[EmranBoo]

Male, Married, recently crossed 40, Consultant/Biz Analyst

I am happy to have found SBF, thanks to my friend who introduced me to this community and some others, I have been living a lonely life, like when you feel alone even in a crowd? Alone even surrounded by people? Yes, even while married and living together.

Tried to write more, but new users have limits I believe, so I will learn the ropes and contribute whenever possible to write.

Please write back to me here, or in PM/DM, I do not judge anyone, I prefer you understand me, and I understand you and share openly and communicate clearly is preferable, and I will appreciate it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As my intro shows above, I have grown older, and I can't believe how soon life flew past me. I have done everything in life, went to school, college, went to a US university, worked in multiple countries, had 'friends', but eventually I find myself in depression, and phases which can only be described as 'torment'. I have come from originally a dysfunctional family, and grown up with trauma, and certain things in life, led to a breakdown, but an invisible breakdown where nobody knew I broke... but I was never the same again and I continue to live with therapy, meditation, drugs, and thankfully a loving openminded wife who cares and understands, and is partially a co-dependent who would probably end up loving a psychopath and be abused gf, if not me. I manipulate her, I lie to her, and I have been harsh on her on occasions but I never hurt her physically, and my only aim in life is to live, and try to avoid hurting her psychologically as well.

At this age, I have come to this sad phase in life where I have crossed a line, I have cheated on her, first time in-real-life, first time since my wedding, and I cannot promise I will be the same husband again, I was never the loyal husband, and my wife always suspected I will stray from the path, knowing my neurotic behaviour and personality, but she still has that rosy image of marriage in her head, of monogamy and unshared, restricted and uninhibited yet only privately shared sexual experiences.

I am sure many of you have cheated your gf/bf/wife/husband/partner but it won't lead you to think about writing a journal of life due to that happening... yet here I am, hoping to share some of my past and current life experiences, and perhaps some private experiences with my wife/anyone.

Thank you for reading

[junebaby]

Such an emotional opening.

I do hope you are getting on fine with life now.

[vermilionsuzaku]

Morning TS,
Writing is a great outlet to let yourself soar and for others to read about your experience. I am eager to feel what you are feeling.

Hope you are feeling better, it is important to not take things too hard on yourself.

[diputs1269]

Nice write up on secret lover, cheers!

[junebaby]

Originally Posted by vermilionsuzaku

Morning TS,
Writing is a great outlet to let yourself soar and for others to read about your experience. I am eager to feel what you are feeling.

Hope you are feeling better, it is important to not take things too hard on yourself.

Is it common to share life stories on this forum? I see others doing it.

Wondering if it really helps especially if there are trolls hanging around.

[vermilionsuzaku]

Originally Posted by junebaby

Is it common to share life stories on this forum? I see others doing it.

Wondering if it really helps especially if there are trolls hanging around.

Good morning,
I am quite new to this forum as well but I did read a couple of life stories shared by the community.
Charming I must admit but of course some needed to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Whether it helps or otherwise is depending on the writer IMO. For me when I write my encounters on different media,
it unloads a part of me and I learn to observe things in a different perspective.
Trolls will be everywhere, online or offline, they are just there to spice things up. personally I don't pay inordinately much attention to them.

[junebaby]

Originally Posted by vermilionsuzaku

Good morning,
I am quite new to this forum as well but I did read a couple of life stories shared by the community.
Charming I must admit but of course some needed to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Whether it helps or otherwise is depending on the writer IMO. For me when I write my encounters on different media,
it unloads a part of me and I learn to observe things in a different perspective.
Trolls will be everywhere, online or offline, they are just there to spice things up. personally I don't pay inordinately much attention to them.

I was a silent reader for quite long because I see trolls on the stories that I was reading.

Some of the comments can be quite hurtful to the writer.

[ahb1t]

Originally Posted by junebaby

I was a silent reader for quite long because I see trolls on the stories that I was reading.

Some of the comments can be quite hurtful to the writer.

Totally agreed, i've been lurking here for a decade to read up on some of the wonderful stories all the while.
Been aching to pen my own but reluctant to reminisce on a sad painful past.

[junebaby]

Originally Posted by ahb1t

Totally agreed, i've been lurking here for a decade to read up on some of the wonderful stories all the while.
Been aching to pen my own but reluctant to reminisce on a sad painful past.

Write!

I would love to read more personal experiences.

Makes me feel less weird and more normal.

[nirvinia]

Originally Posted by EmranBoo

Male, Married, recently crossed 40, Consultant/Biz Analyst

I am happy to have found SBF, thanks to my friend who introduced me to this community and some others, I have been living a lonely life, like when you feel alone even in a crowd? Alone even surrounded by people? Yes, even while married and living together.

Tried to write more, but new users have limits I believe, so I will learn the ropes and contribute whenever possible to write.

Please write back to me here, or in PM/DM, I do not judge anyone, I prefer you understand me, and I understand you and share openly and communicate clearly is preferable, and I will appreciate it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As my intro shows above, I have grown older, and I can't believe how soon life flew past me. I have done everything in life, went to school, college, went to a US university, worked in multiple countries, had 'friends', but eventually I find myself in depression, and phases which can only be described as 'torment'. I have come from originally a dysfunctional family, and grown up with trauma, and certain things in life, led to a breakdown, but an invisible breakdown where nobody knew I broke... but I was never the same again and I continue to live with therapy, meditation, drugs, and thankfully a loving openminded wife who cares and understands, and is partially a co-dependent who would probably end up loving a psychopath and be abused gf, if not me. I manipulate her, I lie to her, and I have been harsh on her on occasions but I never hurt her physically, and my only aim in life is to live, and try to avoid hurting her psychologically as well.

At this age, I have come to this sad phase in life where I have crossed a line, I have cheated on her, first time in-real-life, first time since my wedding, and I cannot promise I will be the same husband again, I was never the loyal husband, and my wife always suspected I will stray from the path, knowing my neurotic behaviour and personality, but she still has that rosy image of marriage in her head, of monogamy and unshared, restricted and uninhibited yet only privately shared sexual experiences.

I am sure many of you have cheated your gf/bf/wife/husband/partner but it won't lead you to think about writing a journal of life due to that happening... yet here I am, hoping to share some of my past and current life experiences, and perhaps some private experiences with my wife/anyone.

Thank you for reading

Hey bro, it's good to write it out here too, take it as an outlet to release rather then keep it in. Though i'm a silent lurker/reader here, no matter the amount of trolls, there are still genuine bros here that appreciates stories like yours. Hang in there man!

[owlette]

i think we all cheat for multitudes of reasons. whether its a lack of love at home, unresponsive partner or even just being a horny bastard. but at the end of the day, i think the biggest hurdle is the "guilt" that comes with it.

all the best TS. i hope to read your incoming stories/adventures