Sex, and the path into depraved fantasies

[illusions]

I used to be kind of shy and also somewhat kinky. I didn't expect her to be as kinky as me, maybe even more.
First time I met her, she was a independant FL, reasonable rate, good FRs. I felt some intense mix of nervousness and excitement. Even though I was 20+, sex is quite new to me, and because of my nervousness, sometimes I meet a girl for sex and it just can't happen, which then adds to my nervousness, you get the idea.
I arrived 15mins before the time. I asked her if she could meet me at the cafe opp hotel bencoolen before going up. She replied, "Get room first. Don't worry, I'm at least a 7." Oh no, she thought I wanted to evaluate her, but it was actually cos I wanted to feel comfortable chatting in a cafe atmosphere before going into a room where I tend to feel nervous.
A knock on the door, opened the door, she looks quite cute, with a tinge of sluttiness. I don't always like that, but she has a mixture of cuteness that feels really nice. Once again, I get excited, and I get nervous, and I am shy.
We bathed together, and it was a really nice feeling. She's quite petite, shorter than 150, and having this cutish, slightly sluttish girl just felt so nice. She asked me something about "rough sex", but we didn't talk about it. I could sense she is quite wild beneath her. I know it should make me feel excited, yet, cos I was nervous, it made me feel even more nervous that I wasn't able to fulfil her.
"Could you blow for me," I asked in the bathroom after she helped me bathe. "Here?" "Yes," I replied. "How?" "Up to you," I replied. I was already nervous, and my heart sank a bit cos I thought I asked something ridiculous. "You want me to kneel down," she said. I nodded, excitment welling up again.
Looking down at her blowing for me felt so nice, at the same time I feel so guitly that this cute girl is kneeling down with my shaft inside her mouth for my pleasure. By then I was sitting on the toilet bow cover enjoying myself drowned in guilt and pleasure.
A voice in my head said, "she's a FL but you still have to treat her well." Time to ask her to come up. I snapped out of my pleasure and helped her up. "Sorry," I said. "It's okay, I'm willing." "Let me do the same for you okay." She nodded.
Her body was already wet from bathing together. She dried me with a towel before the blowjob but she didn't dry herself, and she's shivering a little from the cold. After making sure the water is warm, I directed the warm water at her body, and applied soap with my hands around the curves of her petite body. A bit of baby fats, mildly toned, and she has this comfortable, mildly sluttiesh and endearing look as my hands were running all over her body, it felt amazing.
She let me have freedom to soap and caress her body, I ran my hands through every part of her body, her waist, her arms, her breasts... her legs, then her inner thigh, brushing across her sex. I ran my soapy fingers up her clits, felt my finger tips at the openng of her sex, moved past her sex, felt her anus. I repreated the motion a few times, stopping nervously at the opening of her sex. I watched her response, her eyes were closed, her hands stayed at her sides.
I never felt like this before. She didn't tell me whether I can or cannot do it, or ask me whether I want to finger her, nor did she warn me to me gentle or something. She just closed her eyes in anticipation whether I put my fingers at her sex or her anal. I felt this overwhelming sense of her giving me of her body for my pleasure.
By now, she is standing with her left side facing me, my left hand is fondling her nipples, my right palm is resting on her bum while my right index finger is caressing and hovering around her sex and her anal, moving from one to the other. By now, most of my shyness and nervousness has gone, and I feel so relaxed with her in front of me. I could almost feel the intoxicating satisfaction of pushing my into her soapy body into her sex or even her anal, feel the satisfaction of violating her with my fingers. A voice in my head told me: she's giving herself to your pleasure, treasure her body.
"Thanks, I want to have sex with you."