Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[35cents]

nice one bro....

Originally Posted by masters

It's been months since I bought the book "How to Scam People Online".

It still hasn't arrived yet.

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My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

[ah rat]

Ukraine president is waiting for US to help them, and US president said: my name is *白 等*。
Ukraine president is waiting for Russia to stop the war, and Russia president said: my name is *不停*。

[masters]

I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.

They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow.

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I bought a box of Viagra teabags last night.

They do nothing for your sex life but they do stop your biscuit going soft when you dunk it.

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How do you make the number one disappear?

You add "g" and it's GONE.

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Not to brag about my finances or anything, but…

My credit card company calls me almost everyday to tell me that my balance is outstanding!

[etsys]

My little contribution

Carpet humour

[SkyIsMighty]

Originally Posted by etsys

My little contribution

Carpet humour

Nice joke thanks.

[ah rat]

_______________

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Which one is Putin?

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Which one is Putin?

My guess bottom extreme left.

[Hurricane88]

I was watching CNN. My wife commented: This Russia is so bad. If Ukraine wants to join NATO, it is their freedom of choice. Russia has no right to intervene. Putin just use it an excuse to invade Ukraine.

I keep silent. I went to the kitchen and took a chopper to bed. I suggested going to sleep.

My wife looked at me with disbelief: What the hell are you doing? Sleeping with a huge chopper?

I responded: Don’t worry, let’s go to bed. Besides, sleeping with a chopper is none of your business and it is my freedom of choice.

My wife screamed: How can I sleep when you are sleeping with a chopper? What if you have a bad dream and start chopping me like pork chops?

I replied: Well. You don’t even trust your own husband, how can you expect Russia to trust Ukraine? Me sleeping with a chopper is like Ukraine joining NATO.
😗😗😗😗😗

[jacky43]

Past 20 yrs. NATO. Also means "no actions talked only". Probably Malaysia UMNO experienced it 8 yrs ago. When Najib? First yr as PM complained Ukraine fired at MH17. 290 people lost their life. UN cannot serve justice.

A joke in CNA. The man in charged of Ukraine said Russian any how shot at the building. We asked him how come 8 yrs ago, their military shot down Malaysian MH17?

NATO.

[Hurricane88]

In war, politicians provide ammunition, the rich provide food, and the poor provide children.

After the war, politicians retrieve the remaining ammunition, the rich grow more food, and the poor seek the graves of their children.

"War is when a peasant son travels thousands of miles to kill another peasant son he never knew and herein defined as "Battlefield"

Serbian proverb.

[brece]

Originally Posted by ah rat

Ukraine president is waiting for US to help them, and US president said: my name is *白 等*。
Ukraine president is waiting for Russia to stop the war, and Russia president said: my name is *不停*。

This is funny lol. Good one bro!

[AlKuwaiti]

Love the jokes, do continue guys

[Hurricane88]

Interesting side effect of european sanctions on russia (as per Phil Seymour - President of the association of European Leasing Companies.
All over the word airlines don't own their own planes, they lease them.
The European Union has imposed sanctions on Russia and obliged European leasing companies to take back all leased aircraft from Russia by March 28th. That's a total of 520 aircraft.
Phil Seymour, President of the Association of European Leasing Companies:
1. Return of 520 aircraft! How is this to be done? The Russians said if you refuse to lease them to us, get them back yourself! How can we get 520 crews to Russia when the airspace in Russia, Belarus and Ukraine is closed? We can't fly in!
2. Once the handover has taken place in Russian airports, the planes will no longer be Russian. But a non-Russian plane is not allowed to fly in Russian airspace – the Russian airspace is blocked! We won't be able to fly out!
3. However, the leasing companies are the initiators of the termination of these leases. In the original calculation of the cost of fines in such a case, we will all be bankrupted at once. It's easier and cheaper to go bankrupt than to take back the planes.
4. February is over and Russia has to pay the lease payments for the month. Russia is willing to pay but cannot pay because it is excluded from SWIFT. We ourselves have to pay fines because of the terminations, but in view of the lack of incoming payments from Russia we have no money for such payments!
5. Even if we take back these planes, what are we going to do with them? We don't need them, nobody wants them and it's impossible to sell them!
6. The Boeings of American leasing companies are not affected. If Europe takes the planes away from the Russians, the US will supply Russia with its Boeing planes and become the world's No. 1 airline, bankrupting both the European leasing company and Airbus."