Trouble with a capital T...

[Squeezy]

TS,

I guess the best thing for you is to quickly come back and leave Perth without saying goodbye... It's cruel but it's the best thing to do...at least...for me..

Can't blame you for the screw up case...all man think differently and with all the ladies makeup skills, they really looked older than they look now...

[tripleaxe]

TS, put it plainly, you don't need our POV. You already know what you have to, ought to & should do.

Surely you are not hoping for an eureka answer or attain enlightenment in your situation.

So all this talk i see, is you wanting someone to talk to only, or at best to justify what you intended to do.

Isn't that right!

[tcrecruit]

Guess if I were u after reading thru 9 pages, n I really liked the gal, then be straight to her. Maybe she can't accept all the facts and call it off, she would have solved the problem for ya. If she's willing to continue after listening, then you may have found your gem...

[tungsten]

TS, here is my POV.

The 3 "adults" (you, chong and ching) are wrong in this issue. It is not important to argue who is "more wrong" in this issue. What matters is that all 3 of you contribute to this issue.

You - Seriously I do not bother with how "western" are you in that age when you matchmake the two. What matters is that you already know that your good friend is such a conservative person. How would a conservative person react in such a situation? PISSED.... That is the reaction. Awkward or not, it is better to have tell him upfront then that actually both you and ching were an item before and sex was involved. It would have been much easier. I have a similar situation... Not so drama as you but it was averted because me and my best buddy chose to be upfront with each other. They did not stay together but our friendship did.

Chong - Calling himself your buddy yet he did not give you a chance to tell your side of the story.

Ching - For being a bitch and ruin the friendship between you and Chong in the faishion. It is not right. If one cannot hold his or her own liquor, then for fuck sake stop drinking so much. WTF...

The only innocent party is the daughter. All this godpa, best friend and whatever nonsense is not her fault. As long as you are not her biological father, what is stopping you and her to get together? Her parents? Oh please, at least give her the chance to decide. What has happen in the past is the fault of everyone in your generation. Though if you are going to dump her subsequently after she fall out with her parents... Then you are a real fucking bastard. Period...

If I were in your situation and serious about this girl, I would just tell her upfront about what has happen in the past. If she is willing to risk a total fall out with the family, then I will talk with Ching and Chong. If not, then at least the damage is reduced at her level and she is given a chance to decide what to do.

If talking to Ching and Chong turns out to be positive, then that is the best. You get a young, sexy and fuckable wife. At the same time, you solved your buddy issue.

If it is not positive and the daughter leave you. It just turns out that girl is not strong enough to fight to be with the one that she love. At the same time, you know that Ching and Chong are not really buddy material since they are not willing to talk things out despite you making the first step.

Be a man and not a wussy... Use logic and not just emotion to solve this issue. Once the decision/consequence tree is drafted, you realise that it is not that difficult to make a logical decision.

[tcrecruit]

However, if Ching is still as fiery as she was donkey years ago, then it's a gone case... A more appropriate act will be to tell your new gal about the whole story, n then tell her you won't continue with her as you know her mum n dad will not b receptive n you want her to continue living happily with her parents n not ruin their lives again.. For the 3rd soul...

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by ChairmanMao

lol, so true

...so very very true...


.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by ChevelleZ

Hahahaha damn it man!its not troule with capital T but its
Fucked with F

Haiyo yo bro, i think u shold ask ur self first lah
Do u really like her? Yes/no?
If no then just run lol
Do u really love her?
If no, run again lah
If yes, then I think u should tell her that u really love her
But something bother u which is ur history about her parent
U know.. In some way, we r similar
(Always wanna go uni in england but never, always dun believe in marriage but 'kena' married one n divorced, chased similar girl with best friend but actually already up the girl in front....trying to hook up with girls...randomly)
I guess u know too lor that if a girl really love a man then willing to do anything
If she is not that willing then maybe if its a sign not to be together loh
And if u serious about her then continue lah became serious lah
But importantly i think u should call her so she wont think u just an a-hole
Tht treat her only like a random slut lol

For the parent ah...if u determined n serious about the daughter
They will not look back lah
I think its childish crap if they still get angry
and who knows maybe after that night u spiced up their sex life
Cuz chong on bed start asking ching like 'is he better than me' 'is he bigger than me?' 'How u did with him' etc
No lah just kidding lah... Hahahahahaha
I a person that think
People came n go..also friendship
But if it keeps coming back then perhaps its a sign tht u need to clear up
the unfinished business. Whether, they still reject u or not then i believe
in the of the day you still have better closer for your self
If they reject u then it meant to be like that...

Wah bro...really quite similar leh...please tell me you didn't join Air Force ok? I cannot hack it if I suddenly find my 'twin' here...

Yes bro...I agree with your assessment...but...as much as I like her...I'm not sure all the untold stress and drama is worth it to go through the inquisition again...

Maybe you are right in that, but I doubt life (or fate) is asking me to clear up the past...I think it's just a case of wrong time, wrong place and wrong person that's all...I believe we all have some regrets that can never be properly resolved...

Cheers bro...

.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by curiouslala

Lol..
Just saying nia la..

Anyway, my advice is still the same la.. RUN!

Hopefully you're not too scared with my worst case scenario view..
Bcos if I'm you, I'll run n camo myself..

Hahahahahaha sis...

No lah...just tekan you a bit nia la...

Yes...cannot agree more...run road is the best option and like Forrest Gump did...I've already started running...

I'm seldom in Perth nowadays, but you are right...RADAR permanently on...and while in Perth...full camo must be in place...

Cheers sis...

.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by Squeezy

TS,

I guess the best thing for you is to quickly come back and leave Perth without saying goodbye... It's cruel but it's the best thing to do...at least...for me..

Can't blame you for the screw up case...all man think differently and with all the ladies makeup skills, they really looked older than they look now...

Hi bro...

Thanks and I think your solution is the best option too...


Cheers...

.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by tripleaxe

TS, put it plainly, you don't need our POV. You already know what you have to, ought to & should do.

Surely you are not hoping for an eureka answer or attain enlightenment in your situation.

So all this talk i see, is you wanting someone to talk to only, or at best to justify what you intended to do.

Isn't that right!

Thanks bro...

Not exactly true though...when I first posted...I was still in contact with her and thinking how to best talk it out with her...and then the suggestion of MIA came out and I adopted it as the best practice...

You are right that I already knew what to do (in fact done...) in the later few pages...but the later pages are done to give my earlier readers the background on why I was so stressed...

Yes bro...when have unresolveable issues...most people need someone to talk to...


Cheers bro...

.

[yang punk]

TS. If you had been a bastard, one who fucked and boasted, then you would not have this Ching-Chong problem! So sometimes being a gentleman fucker is not always a good thing. Anyway it was Ching who leaked the info of her past relationship with you and that's why she apologized. Their migration was probably to save their marriage and to assure Chong that she would never have the opportunity to see you again. Chinaman thinking is like that one!

It is highly unlikely that you would want to settle down with their daughter no matter how good a fuck she is after knowing where she comes from! So unless you want to cause her more distress (as well as open new wounds for Ching-Chong) then going AWOL is the best solution. Not sure if it would help her move on if you just write to her and tell her that you were just out for fun and not a serious relationship, using age differences, bad experience with past marriage, etc.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by tcrecruit

Guess if I were u after reading thru 9 pages, n I really liked the gal, then be straight to her. Maybe she can't accept all the facts and call it off, she would have solved the problem for ya. If she's willing to continue after listening, then you may have found your gem...

Originally Posted by tcrecruit

However, if Ching is still as fiery as she was donkey years ago, then it's a gone case... A more appropriate act will be to tell your new gal about the whole story, n then tell her you won't continue with her as you know her mum n dad will not b receptive n you want her to continue living happily with her parents n not ruin their lives again.. For the 3rd soul...

Thanks bro...


While I see the merit in your suggestion...I cannot help getting the feeling that it will go terribly wrong...

I am certain she will ask for the reasons I am not longer in contact with her parents...and from her personality ( what little I have seen...) she will not be afraid to 'confront' her parents...and the whole lobang will be so picchared until no way of mending or hiding from any more...

My premise is still the same...why drag so many people through the pain again...for now, I feel guilty for hurting her, but any additional action on my part will be (to me anyway...) unforgivable should it hurt the whole family, together and as a individuals...just so that I can have one young woman's company...

Whether its true love or not, or whether marriage is possible or not...nothing guarantees that she and I will be together forever....meanwhile, once the truth is out...the pain is almost guaranteed to last that family for as long a they live...weighing the pros and cons...hurting one woman may be the best option...


Cheers bro...

.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by tungsten

TS, here is my POV.

The 3 "adults" (you, chong and ching) are wrong in this issue. It is not important to argue who is "more wrong" in this issue. What matters is that all 3 of you contribute to this issue.

You - Seriously I do not bother with how "western" are you in that age when you matchmake the two. What matters is that you already know that your good friend is such a conservative person. How would a conservative person react in such a situation? PISSED.... That is the reaction. Awkward or not, it is better to have tell him upfront then that actually both you and ching were an item before and sex was involved. It would have been much easier. I have a similar situation... Not so drama as you but it was averted because me and my best buddy chose to be upfront with each other. They did not stay together but our friendship did.

Chong - Calling himself your buddy yet he did not give you a chance to tell your side of the story.

Ching - For being a bitch and ruin the friendship between you and Chong in the faishion. It is not right. If one cannot hold his or her own liquor, then for fuck sake stop drinking so much. WTF...

The only innocent party is the daughter. All this godpa, best friend and whatever nonsense is not her fault. As long as you are not her biological father, what is stopping you and her to get together? Her parents? Oh please, at least give her the chance to decide. What has happen in the past is the fault of everyone in your generation. Though if you are going to dump her subsequently after she fall out with her parents... Then you are a real fucking bastard. Period...

If I were in your situation and serious about this girl, I would just tell her upfront about what has happen in the past. If she is willing to risk a total fall out with the family, then I will talk with Ching and Chong. If not, then at least the damage is reduced at her level and she is given a chance to decide what to do.

If talking to Ching and Chong turns out to be positive, then that is the best. You get a young, sexy and fuckable wife. At the same time, you solved your buddy issue.

If it is not positive and the daughter leave you. It just turns out that girl is not strong enough to fight to be with the one that she love. At the same time, you know that Ching and Chong are not really buddy material since they are not willing to talk things out despite you making the first step.

Be a man and not a wussy... Use logic and not just emotion to solve this issue. Once the decision/consequence tree is drafted, you realise that it is not that difficult to make a logical decision.

Hi bro...

Thanks for your take...and I cannot disagree with much of what you have said...

I do see my own mistakes in the whole situation...but like I said before...time and space helped create the situation as well...yes, I'm in no way blameless but then again...I did what I believed to be the best thing for everyone concerned at the time...

And yes...to get her to side me then to leave her later would make me the ultimate bastard...but bro...I cannot get into a relationship with that amount of pressure hanging over me...no one should... It becomes a one way relationship because should she later become a real evil witch to me...I will still need to be with her to atone for my prior sins for putting her through the family fall out (should she choose the option...)

That is no way for anyone to live a life bro...

Thanks and I really appreciate your point of view....

Cheers...


.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by yang punk

TS. If you had been a bastard, one who fucked and boasted, then you would not have this Ching-Chong problem! So sometimes being a gentleman fucker is not always a good thing. Anyway it was Ching who leaked the info of her past relationship with you and that's why she apologized. Their migration was probably to save their marriage and to assure Chong that she would never have the opportunity to see you again. Chinaman thinking is like that one!

It is highly unlikely that you would want to settle down with their daughter no matter how good a fuck she is after knowing where she comes from! So unless you want to cause her more distress (as well as open new wounds for Ching-Chong) then going AWOL is the best solution. Not sure if it would help her move on if you just write to her and tell her that you were just out for fun and not a serious relationship, using age differences, bad experience with past marriage, etc.

Thanks bro...

I agree with you 100%...

I was thinking about giving her some excuse like age difference, country difference etc to 'break up' with her...but after reading the POVs from earlier comments...I am not sure that going MIA will hurt her more that the 'break up' method...the downside of MIA is I have no way of knowing how long this will hurt her for...but the downside of giving her excuses will no doubt create a ten thousand questions session which will drag the whole thing out...even if it doesn't, she will know those are just unconvincing excuses and may be even more hurt that I would play her with them...

I don't know bro...I'm still considering just writing to her in a way that she cannot reply type....but I'm still hurt by what Ching did to me...apologising without giving me a chance to express my own opinion...why to it back to her daughter...

Perhaps the best is to leave things as is now since I'm already MIA to her...

Cheers bro...


.

[SEAJ]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

My premise is still the same...why drag so many people through the pain again...for now, I feel guilty for hurting her, but any additional action on my part will be (to me anyway...) unforgivable should it hurt the whole family, together and as a individuals...just so that I can have one young woman's company...
.

Because healing of any wounds can only occur if you tackle it at source, or if your bodily resistance is strong enough to heal itself.

OK, you did try to heal the wound 20 years ago but Ching + Chong had rebuffed you. You’re probably hoping and THINKING that over the years, your body had miraculously somehow healed everything; but as is what is happening now, the infection is not only back, but back with a vengeance.

Yes, I totally see that you had tried your best in smoothing out the path for Ching+Chong, but even the best of intentions can - and in your case, do - go awry. And please don't tell me that since you've tried your best, that you can be held totally blameless. It happened because of circumstances and action by 3 parties of which you are one of them.

The most important thing and the one thing that I want you to put a priority on is this nebulous concept of "Friendship." OK, I may be a bit old fashioned on this, but I do believe that you probably put as much importance to friendship as I do. There is no substitute for good friends and I am a believer of always trying to do everything possible to preserve friendship.

I had a similar thing happen to me when my good friend/apartment mate for many years whilst in University, married my "steady Girlfriend" after she and I broke off; in fact I think that this situation happens a lot more than most people think (Just IMHO). Anyway, after 25 years, I decided to go back to my old university town and of course hooked up with my old friends still there - including D my room mate and RA, my ex-GF. We had a helluva great re-union and partied till the wee hours like we used to always do in the past - as if we had not seen each other for just a couple of weeks!!

The next day, I phoned for D but RA picked it up and she told me that she's really pissed off and must see me right away. Huh???!!! Anyway, within 15 minutes she was banging on my hotel room and came storming in whilst crying up a storm, screaming "you really hurt me, you really hurt me. All these years and I can still the pain as if it was yesterday!"

I retorted "What? What??!! Its you who left me back then - but if I did hurt you, then I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!!"

Then she rushed over to me and hugged me tight whilst saying "that's all I wanted to hear, all I wanted to hear…. all these years……"

25 years and that hurt had stayed with her – never mind that it was her who left me (cause she had gone to see her pastor for counseling about my relationship with her – and can you believe it, this bastard who was married actually ended up seducing her and convincing her to leave me – CHRIST!! But that’s another story!!).

So like you, I thought that I was totally blameless, but there’s no accounting for human feelings – and especially female human feelings!! But that what is more important and remain is FRIENDSHIP - which still stays and is something that we all cherish.

And NOOOOO….. just in case y’all are wondering, RA and I never did anything more than have that soul clearing and heartfelt hug. Yeah, she stayed a bit more and we did a lot of talking which re-established the bonds D, RA and I had I had in days past.

As for your previous statement that you didn’t want to “re-open old wounds” well, the wound from 20 years ago is still festering in ALL OF YOU! Don’t for one moment think that Ching + Chong never, ever argued over the events of 20 years ago; and from what I can detect from your writings, the pain and the regret you’ve been living with for the past 20 years still very much remains in your psyche.

As you know, marriage per se is so difficult as it is already, and if you are the gentleman that I think you are, I would hope that you would think it IS your duty to assist your 2 friends in cementing their marriage….even if it means that they will forever consider you their common enemy….as a way of coping with the facts….as a way of ignoring the truth of the matter. But IMHO, when you do meet up with them, I really very seriously doubt that this will cause any further rancour in their marriage. It’s also something they need to bring out into the open, and …..treat properly once and for all.

I still say that you need to come totally clean with the daughter, explain in minute details like you did on here what happened and come up with a plan to meet up with her parents – YOUR GOOD FRIENDS!

I don’t for one minute (from reading all that you’ve written here only of course) think that you are the sort of guy who can or should turn away from difficult matters. You’re the type of guy who needs to confront it and do something about it.

And BTW – my opinion on your relationship with the young lady; this is so minor in comparison to the massive problem you, C + C have that it must be left on the back burner. You know that you’re a player and this girl is only just one of a string of others and is really of no significance when compared to the cancer that’s been festering between you and her parents.

You don’t take this one opportunity and you will forever regret it. Just my thinking of course – but I believe that things happen for a reason; what reason is there for you to chance upon their daughter of all the people you meet as a pilot travelling around all the time??

Just all IMHO and I also hope you do not take offense at what my suggestion is. I got lucky with RA and D, whilst you do need to bite the bullet if you do tackle Ching + Chong. But let me tell you, the result will be very satisfying and will cement your opinion of yourself as being a righteous gentleman.

SEAJ