Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[germanstuff]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left; but, fortunately, we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.” The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year-old scotch didn't break. Surely, God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it. and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman.
The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man. The man asked "Aren't you having any?”
She replied “Nah, I think I'll just wait for the police"

Many years ago, Adam ate the apple.
Men will never learn....

Hahaha chee hong nature

[SBMEDSUP]

Nice jokes. Pls post more.

[SongJoongkee]

Tks for sharing so many hilarious jokes

[saltwet]

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success.

The boy begins to turn blue. The desperate mother starts screaming for help.

A man gets up from a nearby table, and with astonishing tranquility, without saying a word, lowers the boy's pants and squeezes his testicles.

The boy yells and spits out the coin. The gentleman with the same tranquility returns to his table without a word.

Soon, the mother calms down and approaches the gentleman to thank him for saving her son's life.

She asks, "Sir, are you a doctor?"

"No, ma'am," comes the reply. "I'm an Assistant Commissioner of the Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore."

"We are trained to squeeze everyone's balls to make them cough up the last penny."

Gentle Reminder:
============
Please file your income tax returns by 15th April or by e-filing on 18th April latest.

[BJstreet]

Good morning

[PrimereDawn]

Originally Posted by Buibuicat

_*An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 Wives.😝😜*_
_A- Monopoly should be broken._
_B- Competition improves the quality of service._
_If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!_
_If u have 2 wives, They will fight for you!!🤣🤣🤣_

We are only allowed 1, wasted!

[Hurricane88]

On opening a new store...

Two white men in New York were standing around and taking a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, and didn't even have the shelves set up.

One commented to the other...
"I bet any minute now some Chinaman is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old Chinese man walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked...
"Vat ya sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,
"We're selling idiots."

Without skipping a beat, the old Chinese man answered...

“Must be doing well, only two left !!!”

😁😁😂😂😆

[Hurricane88]

An old Cuban suffers a major heart attack and , as a last wish , asks for a Cuban flag to kiss and say good-bye to his dearest homeland.

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

His friends search around desperately , but cannot find one.

While everyone is ready to abandon all hope of finding the Cuban flag , a 23-year-old nurse shyly interrupts their
desperate search by offering a tattoo of the flag that is inscribed on the cheek of her buttock.

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

The young girl pulls down her shorts , showing the Cuban flag tattooed on a beautifully shaped buttock.

😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

She approaches the dying man and sticks her butt in his face.

The man , with tears in his eyes , caresses the ' flag ' , grabs the cheek with both hands and starts kissing it with great passion , saying : " My dear Cuba , I say goodbye with great sadness. Farewell my land , I will miss you. "

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

After going on for about 10 minutes , he says to the girl :
" Now , chica , turn around , I also want to kiss goodbye to Fidel , our bearded dictator !! " 😂😅😂😅😭🤣😂🤣😂

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

*"A Sexy Irish Blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated !"* ☺️

She bet *€ 20,000* on a single roll of dice. 💰

She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude." 👙

With that she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled - *"Come on Baby, Mama needs new clothes !"*

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - *"Yes Yes, I Won... I Won...."*

She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left. 💰💰💰💰

The dealers gazed at each other, dumbfounded. Finally one of them asked - "What number rolled on the dice?"
The other - "I don't know, I thought you were watching."


*Moral of the Story:*

- Not all Drunks are Drunk.
- Not all Blondes are Dumb.
- But all Men are Men !!!

😂💃🏻😁

[otamay]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*"A Sexy Irish Blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated !"* ☺️

She bet *€ 20,000* on a single roll of dice. 💰

She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude." 👙

With that she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled - *"Come on Baby, Mama needs new clothes !"*

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - *"Yes Yes, I Won... I Won...."*

She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left. 💰💰💰💰

The dealers gazed at each other, dumbfounded. Finally one of them asked - "What number rolled on the dice?"
The other - "I don't know, I thought you were watching."


*Moral of the Story:*

- Not all Drunks are Drunk.
- Not all Blondes are Dumb.
- But all Men are Men !!!

😂💃🏻😁

I think this only happened overseas and not here.

[SBMEDSUP]

So many fanta jokes. More pls.

[OverControl]

Originally Posted by SBMEDSUP

So many fanta jokes. More pls.

Alcohol jokes also not bad

[saltwet]

I accidently put my USB through the washing machine
It still works, but it's really clean now. All the porn is gone.

[saltwet]

How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.

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A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"


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Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

------------------


An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?'' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

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Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.