Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[lancerlution2]

Originally Posted by v-factor

I'm still here. LOL.

Been through the same. Countless conversations and frustrations. Quarreled, fought, and there are even times when Mrs would initiate divorce, saying that since she cannot fulfill her duty, she'd let other women do the job.

Or asking me to go find a girlfriend, but don't let her find out. She'll be okay with what she doesn't know.

Eventually I gave up. I started to not talk about it. But time to time, I'll joke about having a girl outside. When the conversation starts, I'll jab in a casual comment "since there's no sex at home".

After countless reminders like that, plus the ultimate threat of going to find myself a fuck buddy, she decided to do something about it.

Now, we're not even comparable to the times we were dating, but at least now she's playing along, calling herself dirty and a slut.

Bro can share what she did as I would like to share with my wife too. Thanks

[catlord]

This is why I will never be legally married.

After marriage, the wife's sex drive will always take a nosedive. Of course there are rare exceptions where the husband's sex drive declines faster but 99% of the time, the wife's sex drive declines faster than the husband's. And this is oftentimes not the fault of the husband or the wife. Giving birth, taking care of baby, raising kids while still keeping a job, all these are stressful shit. Plus seeing each other all the time, as they say familiarity breeds contempt. You get more and more comfortable with each other and there's no space between the two of you to miss each other. It kills sexual attraction.

So no matter how horny she was for you before you married her, her sex drive will decline after you get married. Many bros are surprised by it, they feel hurt and shortchanged. They thought their woman will not change forever. I've found the perfect slutty wife, they thought. Why not marry her and I can get to have fun everyday? As they say, men marry women thinking they will not change while women marry men thinking that they will change.

As a man, you have a physical need for regular sex. It's not a question of want, it's a bodily need, just like you need to pee. If you don't get sex, you go crazy and become very unhappy. You will have this need throughout your life, even in your old age if you keep yourself in shape (which I plan to do). This is something women can never empathize on. They will never understand what it's like to have a dick and to have 17x the amount of testosterone in their blood, just like we will never understand the pains of menstruation. And we need good sex, not lazy wife sex. How does it feel like to have to earn your wife's lazy sex, to have to do xyz before she lets you fuck her? Must be not good for your self esteem. As she gets older and older, her looks get worse and worse while you have to do more and more to get laid with her. Yikes.

This is why I will never be monogamous. If you depend on 1 woman for sex, eventually you won't get it. Even in the dating phase, there will be times when she'll be unavailable. She can have periods, get sick, go on holiday etc etc. But you still need sex. After marriage, she will eventually not want to fuck you. But you still need sex. If you have some FWBs on the side, they can fulfill your sexual urges for you. You don't need to pester your SO for sex all the time even when she doesn't feel like it. This can only be a good thing for your marriage, because even after she turns non-sexual, the lack of sex will not be a cause of tension. I still think it's ok to get married if you really want to have kids, but I will only do it if my partner accepts that I will not be sexually monogamous and she's ok with me having FWBs on the side.

But then again, Singapore law doesn't acknowledge prenup, so there's no way I will ever sign a legal marriage in Singapore. Imagine a situation where my wife was ok with it all along until one day she changed her mind and she's not ok with it anymore. She can sue me for adultery and take half my money. The govt will just laugh at our prenup.

[Datingafter35]

Originally Posted by MoeLanYong

I am a silent reader. Like Donald Trump, I am a businessman who do not know how to give politically or socially correct answers - I tell it like it is bluntly. For this thread to have a balanced view, I decided to give my opinion. Forgive me if this offends.

In life, there are many types of people. There are people who make poor choices, end up with shitty jobs and then blame the govt. Conversely, there are people who studied hard, get good qualifications and swear by this govt. Likewise, when it comes to marriage and sex, there are people who enjoy their marriages. And there are people who made poor choices and become a PR of SBF. How you think, and how you make your choices will determine the quality of your life.

First, the basics. The Holy Book says a woman is designed to be loved. A man is designed to dominate. Reverse the order to instruct a man to submit to his wife and men will burn their bibles. Why? Because a man is not created to submit. Right now, many of you are thinking how to disagree with me. You are just following your created instincts.

If you do not believe in the Holy Book, then treat this like a management theory e.g. Maslow. And this management theory says A woman is designed to require love. Once you understand this concept, handling a woman is a cinch.

You guys complain your wives are not satisfying your needs. I ask, did you first satisfy your wife's needs by loving her? Remember the time you first wooed her? Remember how you did the sweetest thing just to get her panties off? If you could get her to have sex then against her parent's wishes, why can't you now? I submit to you that YOU have forgotten how to approach the matter. Not your wife.

Remember our management theory. YOU are created to dominate the relationship. Not her. Ya, I hear some bros now saying quietly that the wife dominates the relationship. Cut the BS. When was the last time you lost an argument with her? Never once, if you are honest.

Why don't you say it like it is? YOU lost that will to chase after her skirt. For me, a problem can only be solved once you recognize the problem.

Then there are some who says they are trying but the wife is too tired, too busy with work and kids. May I ask, did you help her out with the kids? When was the last time you changed your son's diaper? When was the last time you bought his shirt? Do you even know your kids' shoe sizes? Have you done Heuristics with him? Do you even know what Heuristics is??

I ask, how is she to have interest in sex when home is like a workplace to her? To you, after work you go home expecting some fun and relaxation. To her, when she is at home, it is work.

I know. For you, when you are in the thick of your work and your boss wants your report in 5 mins, you are still able to think about sex. Hey, you were created to pro-create. She is not. I have rabbits. Whole day long, the male chases after the female to hump her. The male rabbit was created to pro-create. The female rabbit was created to mother her young. Both have different roles. Similarly, humans.

Once you understand your role and hers, you can solve your problem. Help her out at home. Help with the household chores, and kids. Lessen her burden. Don't just say you love her with a rose on Valentine's day and tell her to figure the other 364 days herself. Put your love into real action. Make your home at place where she can relax too. THEN, she will have the mood for fun.

Then there are others who say their wives are not attractive. Hey, after numerous cold wars and quarrels, even Angelina Jolie will appear ugly. Cut down on your quarrels. Give in to her once in a while. Be patient with her. These are part of the love process. Dude, you chose her. Not me. Do the responsible thing to follow up on her. Not follow up with a ML.

Sorry if the above sounds like a verbal diarrhea. I have only good intentions for the bros here. Peace out.

Idol. I didn't read that phrase. Genisis or new revelation?

[v-factor]

Originally Posted by lancerlution2

Bro can share what she did as I would like to share with my wife too. Thanks

I'm not very sure, actually. After countless quarrels and arguments, I thought I wanted to give up hope. Really. I started looking around, dusting my shoulders to get back my old flirty self. I started dressing up myself, and distract myself with other girls.

But never once I had any extra marital affairs. They were all just sweet talks and flirtations.

I guess missus saw the change, and felt it as well. Trust me, women have very good senses. So that's when she started working on her problem with her sex drive.

While at the same time I also worked on being more touchy with her, like the days we were dating. Gradually, things started to look upwards.

But humans are complacent animals. After a while, old habits come back. That's why it's always work in progress.

[sundial]

I gave up making love. The constant black faces turned me off
Even I fuck my wife cannot keep it hard. The horny mood goes away after entering less than 2 mins. Or I just can’t cum. But with ML or other gals I can cum twice .
I enjoy it more also..
So I rather spend $$ to fuck now.

[ajlover]

Originally Posted by sundial

I gave up making love. The constant black faces turned me off
Even I fuck my wife cannot keep it hard. The horny mood goes away after entering less than 2 mins. Or I just can’t cum. But with ML or other gals I can cum twice .
I enjoy it more also..
So I rather spend $$ to fuck now.

I am with you bro, constant fighting turns off all mode and total lost of interest. Just outsourced it will do, internal (left or right hand) or externally (FB or WL) whichever works.

[huareyou]

damn. this makes me wonder what the actual statistics show as to how many guys are in a sexless marriage (or near sexless - i would think once a week or less to qualify as near sexless). Likelier to be more than what's reported and mentioned.

i've tried to get my wife to have sex more often. but most of the time i get rejected. have tried to initiate sex outside of the bed and before sleep to change things up - this has only worked once. otherwise, we end up either not doing it altogether, or it gets done just before sleep.

some time in the middle of last year, i've given up completely on initiating sex. historically, the only time i get some, is when she wants it. in these cases, its only the weekend mornings (which is rare in itself) and just before sleep. i absolutely cannot be bothered to initiate sex any longer.

to be clear, i've been with her for more than a decade since the school days. we married young, no kids.

divorce isn't on the table, but i'd be lying if it never crossed my mind before. we're both extremely comfortable with each other, hell, we practically don't bother with our public facing facade - i.e. we're practically kids in front of one another, stupid jokes, silly antics, we make each other laugh.

apart from sex, i think laughter is an extremely important glue in marriage or a family for that matter. this has helped to keep me going for a while.

but boy do i want to have sex more frequently (not make love, have sex).

[Inku]

Originally Posted by v-factor

I'm not very sure, actually. After countless quarrels and arguments, I thought I wanted to give up hope. Really. I started looking around, dusting my shoulders to get back my old flirty self. I started dressing up myself, and distract myself with other girls.

But never once I had any extra marital affairs. They were all just sweet talks and flirtations.

I guess missus saw the change, and felt it as well. Trust me, women have very good senses. So that's when she started working on her problem with her sex drive.

While at the same time I also worked on being more touchy with her, like the days we were dating. Gradually, things started to look upwards.

But humans are complacent animals. After a while, old habits come back. That's why it's always work in progress.

Hahaha this happened to me as well.
We ended up with a second child...
But like you say, humans are complacent so must really work on marriage.

[ferragamo]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Still here still same no change no improvement...

so what is your solution nowadays?

and what happens at home? totally sexless?

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

so what is your solution nowadays?

and what happens at home? totally sexless?

No solutions can only live with it and DIY once a while,

[daring70]

actually you're very lucky, sounds like you found your soul mate. my 2 cents worth is find fun outside but cherish the relationship

Originally Posted by huareyou

damn. this makes me wonder what the actual statistics show as to how many guys are in a sexless marriage (or near sexless - i would think once a week or less to qualify as near sexless). Likelier to be more than what's reported and mentioned.

i've tried to get my wife to have sex more often. but most of the time i get rejected. have tried to initiate sex outside of the bed and before sleep to change things up - this has only worked once. otherwise, we end up either not doing it altogether, or it gets done just before sleep.

some time in the middle of last year, i've given up completely on initiating sex. historically, the only time i get some, is when she wants it. in these cases, its only the weekend mornings (which is rare in itself) and just before sleep. i absolutely cannot be bothered to initiate sex any longer.

to be clear, i've been with her for more than a decade since the school days. we married young, no kids.

divorce isn't on the table, but i'd be lying if it never crossed my mind before. we're both extremely comfortable with each other, hell, we practically don't bother with our public facing facade - i.e. we're practically kids in front of one another, stupid jokes, silly antics, we make each other laugh.

apart from sex, i think laughter is an extremely important glue in marriage or a family for that matter. this has helped to keep me going for a while.

but boy do i want to have sex more frequently (not make love, have sex).

[koites]

Originally Posted by hil169

Having read the bros sharing here, I'm not even married and my gf doesn't seem to enjoy sex, at all, even though shes wet with all my teasing but she's not showing any other response (no moaning) and nipples feel ticklish when I lick rather than aroused.

Drop her like a hot brick. I'd advise you.

[Johnydoh813]

When my wife started losing interest in sex, she started looking at other hot celebs more and follow... and best thing is.... started chatting with ex BF. I won't say what they chat since maybe that guy on this forum. Never know.... She never delete her texts so I happened to see as something told me to do so.

Haiz... what to do.... what to do... now I feel like visiting a FL just to get an outlet.

[Continental]

Originally Posted by Johnydoh813

When my wife started losing interest in sex, she started looking at other hot celebs more and follow... and best thing is.... started chatting with ex BF. I won't say what they chat since maybe that guy on this forum. Never know.... She never delete her texts so I happened to see as something told me to do so.

Haiz... what to do.... what to do... now I feel like visiting a FL just to get an outlet.

Feel so sad for you brother. So fast you discovered your wife went back to her ex-boyfriend who is in this forum and played behind your back through her chats with him. Haiz, Wives nowadays are so difficult to trust and so difficult to satisfy always tempted to return to her old flame. You should do the same then to satisfy yourself since she had betrayed you first and losing interest in sex with you

[Johnydoh813]

Originally Posted by Continental

Feel so sad for you brother. So fast you discovered your wife went back to her ex-boyfriend who is in this forum and played behind your back through her chats with him. Haiz, Wives nowadays are so difficult to trust and so difficult to satisfy always tempted to return to her old flame. You should do the same then to satisfy yourself since she had betrayed you first and losing interest in sex with you

Wish it were so easy... got kids etc. She catch me, I'm sure she will fk me up in court. For now now i think she never do anything physical but she's playing with fire.

Anyway, I just posted what's happening to me so other guys can also be abit mindful. If the wife gets cold ah, all sorts of excuses when it comes to sex and other intimacies, better becareful and do abit of snooping to protect yourself.

Don't confront. Just keep close tabs already. U rather have all the evidence on your hand so you have the upper ground in any proper proceedings.