Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green astringent persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size.
But she warned Linda not to taste any of the green
persimmons because they are so sour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister climbed into the pulpit and said,
"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday" 😂😂😂

[Hurricane88]

*Two well dressed lawyers, Milind Kale and Ram Jethmalani went to an expensive restaurant...*
*Ordered 2 coffees*
*and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat...*

*Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...*

*The lawyers quietly looked at each other and*
*EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals !!!*
*( You can trust lawyers to find loopholes in any rules)...👏👏👏👏🎓*
😜😝👆👆
------
*Prize winning message of the year.*

[garion]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🔵 A touching love story...*

*WIFE:*
What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?

*Husband:*
No...how can I think of marrying?

*Wife:*
Why not?
You would need company...for good and bad moments.... please marry
again

*Husband:*
...you are so sweet.... even after death u r worrying about me...

*Wife:*
So promise me, u will remarry if I die...

*Husband:*
Ok, ok, I will get married again...just for you

*Wife:*
Would you live in our house with your
new wife...?

*Husband:*
Yes, but I will never let her use your room.

*Wife:*
Would you let her drive my car ?

*Husband:*
no...
its yours... I will keep it as your memory... and buy her a new one..

*Wife:*
Would you give her my jewelery?

*Husband:*
No...how can I...? It has your memories attached
... I am sure she would want her own.

*Wife:*
Would she wear my shoes..?

*Husband:*
No, never
... her size is '7', and yours is 9

*Wife:*
--silence-

*Husband:*
Ohh Shiiit...!!!

*Husband's funeral is tomorrow, please attend....*
😂
😂😂😂😂

good one. hubby acting like a smart a$$. serves him right to be found out.

[garion]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III." And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits." The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?" Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis."

love it..................

[Hurricane88]

The Queen's Breasts :

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan
the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser. Nathan thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Nathan got a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Nathan informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and Nathan advised that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Nathan then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Nathan demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Nathan could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Nathan slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story : Pay your lawyers bills properly !!! 😀😊😂🤣😜😜

[Hurricane88]

Hey Google, I am feeling the urge to have sex.

Google:: Most certainly. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai masseuse. She is just 12 minutes away as per her uber ride status.

I have scheduled her 5k payment from your credit card 2 hours from now.

I have checked your wife's GPS and she is at Walmart buying groceries. As per her buying checklist stored on my disk, she will take at least 2 more hours plus considering Google maps traffic, an extra 1 hour to reach home.

Enjoy your sex. And yes, your condom is in the pull out drawer of your living room and the key to that drawer is in your wallet.

This is the last condom, so I have added condoms to your Amazon cart

This is called Artificial Intelligence
—————

Wife: Hey Google, have you set it up?

Google: Sure thing, he thinks you are going to take three hours, all you gotta do is take an Uber home, you will reach in 45 minutes. I'm recording the whole thing with four cameras, you just need to walk in, we have the bastard cold, i have your divorce papers printed and ready, and your attorney briefed, and case documents drafted, will be filled tomorrow $5 million damages plus $100,000 per month alimony.

All set. Your uber ride is waiting outside.

This is artificial counter intelligence.

[Cafsils]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green astringent persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size.
But she warned Linda not to taste any of the green
persimmons because they are so sour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister climbed into the pulpit and said,
"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday" 😂😂😂

This is funny LOL, thanks bro

[etsys]

[bigbirdbird]

Not Appreciated





Things a man doesn't appreciate being said when a woman is looking at him while he is naked:



1. Why is God punishing me?

2. At least this won't take long.

3. I never saw one like that before.

4. But it still works, right?

5. It looks unused.

6. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

7. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

8. Are you cold?

9. If you get me real drunk first.

10. Is that an optical illusion?

11. What is that?

12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

13. Does it come with an air pump?

14. So this is why you're to judge people on personality.

15. I guess this makes me the 'early bird’.

[bigbirdbird]

School Field Trip





One day a 6th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher.

In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her.

He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep.

She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay.

Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO"

"But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps."

So, the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do."

A few minutes later the teacher says "OH. that's not my bellybutton."

And Johnny says, "that's not my finger."

[bigbirdbird]

Lunchtime Braggadocio





One day at lunch several guys were engaged in a little friendly bragging about their sexual prowess and the dimensions of their members.

First one, then the next would add his own exaggerations until the whole thing became quite ridiculous.

Then Bill said matter of fact, "mine's about four inches."

There was stunned silence before one of the guys said, "Bill, you're kidding right?"

"Not at all, four inches." He said, with perfect sincerity. "You know, some women like it."

We all sat in embarrassed silence until Bill continued, "Of course, others complain it's just too wide."

[LeeKeeKah]

Originally Posted by etsys

Italy and Greece rank so low?

[Hurricane88]

Morning more jokes to share...

[dohua]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Smart cab driver!

[Hurricane88]

more more laughters...