Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SandyBogerts]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Laughter on Friday...

Funny hilarious joke bro Hurricane88.
Thanks a lot.

[b6mt]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Family Insanity


The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.

"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something."

"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.

Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"

"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"

"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."

Nice joke bro!

[coaching]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

_An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle._

_Suddenly he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums_....!

_The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running_."

👌👏 *Classic!*

_Continuation

.
_The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said_
_I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . can you_ ???

👌👏 *Not only Classic but Epic*_ 😂😂👍

So funny 555
Support here for more jokes.

[oleole]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A Mother -in -Law decides to test her three Son- in- laws for their good nature.

For this she goes for a walk by a river with the first son in law & jumps in. He saves her. Next morning he finds a Toyota corolla parked outside his house with note: From your Mother In Law.


Next she goes for a walk by the river with the second son in law & jumps in. He too saves her. Next morning he also finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note : From your Mother In Law.


Next she goes for a walk by a river with the third son in law & jumps in. He just laughs and walks away. Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with note:

from your Father In Law!😂😂😂😜😜😃...]

Really great jokes.
So damn funny.

[etsys]

..


Some more LOL

[Hurricane88]

🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣😆😆

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - “You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE. Tell the British this is an HONOUR. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out.”

The stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from India and Singapore too. “What about them”, she asked.

The captain laughed. “Easy. Just tell the Indians this activity is FREE.”

Can i convince the Pakistanis ???

Yes dear, just whisper, "This is a suicide mission"

“And what about the Singaporeans?”, she persisted.

The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained -
“You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE, they will join it without questions.”

😄😄😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[bigbirdbird]

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?"

Little Johnny raises his hand.

"Go ahead, Little Johnny."

"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."

"That's terrible, Little Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"

Again Little Johnny raises his hand.

"We'll give you another chance."

"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."

[bigbirdbird]

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he sighed.

'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job I've ever had.'

'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just lust.'

The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.

'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!'

'That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation.'

'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?' asked Little Johnny, confused.

'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love, she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the best blow job of your life!'

[bigbirdbird]

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'...slip in to the old bag.

Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up while not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

[dazuixia]

Originally Posted by etsys

..


Some more LOL

Very funny hehehe.
Camping here for more jokes.

[Tonali]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣😆😆

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - “You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE. Tell the British this is an HONOUR. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out.”

The stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from India and Singapore too. “What about them”, she asked.

The captain laughed. “Easy. Just tell the Indians this activity is FREE.”

Can i convince the Pakistanis ???

Yes dear, just whisper, "This is a suicide mission"

“And what about the Singaporeans?”, she persisted.

The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained -
“You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE, they will join it without questions.”

😄😄😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

So good joke. Really damn funny. Thx bro!

[steppop]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?"

Little Johnny raises his hand.

"Go ahead, Little Johnny."

"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."

"That's terrible, Little Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"

Again Little Johnny raises his hand.

"We'll give you another chance."

"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."

Always like little Johnny jokes

[goushanwang]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he sighed.

'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job I've ever had.'

'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just lust.'

The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.

'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!'

'That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation.'

'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?' asked Little Johnny, confused.

'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love, she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the best blow job of your life!'

Dad is best!

[Floppydick]

Thanks for all the jokes! Good to always start the day off with a laugh!

[Hurricane88]

Lady traffic police got married and on the next morning of her 1st night gave a summon tickt of rm1000/- to her husband.

Husband in a shock asked why?

She replies:
Over Speed = 100
Wrong side = 300
Repeated Horn pressing = 200
Not using helmet = 400