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#9166
13-10-2018, 05:32 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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Please share more. 
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#9167
13-10-2018, 05:40 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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#9168
13-10-2018, 11:34 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
John :- I want to Divorce my Wife.
Lawyer :- On what Grounds.??? John :- She's out all Night, every Night, going from Bar to Bar. Lawyer :- Are you saying she's an Alcoholic or do you think she's Cheating on you..??? John :- No, She's Looking for Me!!
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#9169
14-10-2018, 04:07 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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#9170
14-10-2018, 10:23 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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Nice!!!!
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#9171
16-10-2018, 07:57 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
Chattin’ Her Up at a Bar
A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees this gorgeous woman waiting for her date. He decides to go over and chat her up. 'I think you're wasting your time, I'm only interested in women' said the woman. 'Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind' said the bloke. After ten minutes of the bloke pestering her, she had had enough. 'OK' said the woman 'I'll sleep with you if you can do anything for me that my vibrator can't!' 'OK, barman get this lady a drink' he said. 'let's see your vibrator do that?
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#9172
16-10-2018, 07:58 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
Drunk Nude
A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn't staring at you like you tink; dat vould not be proper.” The woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?" He paused a moment, then told her, "Vell...... M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"
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#9173
16-10-2018, 07:59 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
Chucky Goes to the Movies
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster, Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes." "I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We don't allow animals in the theater." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think this guy next to me is a pervert," said Mildred. "What makes you think that?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age, we've seen them all." "I thought so," said Mildred, "but this one is eating my popcorn."
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#9174
16-10-2018, 08:00 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
One Penny Bar
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT!" exclaims the guy. The barman replies "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with mashed potatoes, peas, and a fried egg?" "Certainly, sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4˘,” he replies. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same thing I'm doing to his business."
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#9175
16-10-2018, 08:02 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
GUYS SUCK......and let me tell you why.
FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg? JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch? We don't want to see you scratch either. PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys getting what you can't. By the way, it's not good for our skin. PICK UP LINES - Not! DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell can't we? HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing. SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!! DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner store. Buy it. LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner. HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your pants and get the other out of your ass. You can't beat up everyone who looks at us. Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any thing on legs. Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT number one at it. Why must you tell ALL of your friends about everything you do with a girl? They all had the same DREAM last night anyway. Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You should be glad we're not pregnant. Try matching your maturity level to your age. We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts and ideas. We can even form words like "FUCK YOU!!!" There is more to life than playing cards and video games - How old are you?? Why do we have to look good and you can look like shit? Can we eat like humans - utensils were made especially for this purpose. Ever heard of knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins? (This does not include shirt sleeves.) WAKE UP CALL! - Wasting a ton of money on tuition every year to get drunk, get laid, and play sports is fucking retarded. If you're interested, become a professional athlete and at least GET PAID for it. I am not putting myself through school to carry your sorry, lazy ass through life. BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your cock to the exact millimeter, then you can remember our birthday. Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia. They were not made that small. Why measure it anyway? There will always be someone bigger and believe me, we can find him. Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing and then rolling over and going to sleep. The one thing you are good for, you are not good at! Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm scene'? Sound familiar? When we say we're lost without you, we're probably high. When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be nice. WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to make it so obvious. GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!" we're not referring to your breathing pattern. To the FEW nice guys who don't apply to these statements and never get the time of day, here's a note of hope.....WE'LL WISE UP SOONER OR LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.
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#9176
16-10-2018, 08:05 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bed - Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner 9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo condition, blow dry 12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe 12:45 Catch sight of boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg 13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 15:00 Nap 16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist - card is from secret admirer 16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body 17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror 19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers 22:00 Hot shower [alone] 22:50 Carried to bed...[Freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen] 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM 6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blow job 6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section 7:00 Breakfast - rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport 9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet 9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club [Blow job en-route] 9:45 Play front nine [2 under] 11:45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon 12:15 Blow job 12:30 Play back nine [4 under] 14:15 Limo back to airport 14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo 15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew [all nude] 16:30 Land world record Marlin [1234lbs] on light tackle 17:00 Fly home - massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson 18:45 Shit, shower, shave 19:00 Watch news - Brad Pitt assassinated; marajuana and porn legalised 19:30 Dinner - Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon, big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits 21:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch Match of the Day 21:30 Sex with three women [all with lesbian tendencies] 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale 23:30 Night cap blow job 23:45 In bed alone 23:50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
__________________
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#9177
17-10-2018, 12:01 AM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
another nice one....!
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#9178
17-10-2018, 11:47 AM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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#9179
17-10-2018, 11:49 AM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
Quote:
Please share more.
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#9180
17-10-2018, 12:01 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]
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