Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Flumish]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Very nice share bro.

[MichaelVanrick]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

She wants everybody to know!

[tokyocap]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Great joke! Hope bro can share more jokes.

[FillJones]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Good: The teacher thinks your son's great.
Bad: In bed.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Fantastic joke! Hope to read more.

[CarlLewis]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Haha very informative signboard!

[35cents]

well said, well said....

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

[lobangkingz]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

great share bro!

[bigbirdbird]

A group of cowboys were out on the range branding some cattle.

While they were away the new cook saw a sheep tied to a post.
Thinking it was for that night's dinner he slaughtered the sheep, and cooked it.

That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook.

He pulled one aside and asked, ..."Did I screw up the cooking"

"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

[bigbirdbird]

A guy nearing the end of his senior year in high school unfortunately still has to share a room with his brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.

They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already on the lower bunk.

So he and his girlfriend climbed into the top bunk. As you expected, things began to heat up.

The guy remembers that his brother is sleeping below, so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, "Lettuce" if she wants it harder, and "Tomato" if she wants a new position.

She screams, "Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Whoa!!! Pull It Out Now! I Can't Get Pregnant!"

Then the little brother shouts, "Hey, would you two guys stop making sandwiches up there!

You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!"

[bigbirdbird]

The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation, the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel.

Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did this happen?"

Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."

[bigbirdbird]

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!

AGES OF VAGINA:
16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!

[bigbirdbird]

Girls You Might See in the Restroom

SELFISH GIRL: Enters alone and locks the door, saying to the girls following that she will be out in a minute. Leisurely pees. Remarks, adjusts clothes and poses before mirror keeping others squirming outside for an hour.

TIMID GIRL: Turns on faucet full force. Backs up to toilet, raises dress and squats quickly. Listens intently to learn if sound other than faucet can be heard.

CONCEITED GIRL: Approaches toilet with undulating movements. Raises dress by finger tips. Expression while peeing indicates such a lovely creature should not be compelled to attend to such lowly duties. Farts silently and disdainfully.

HARDY GIRL: Raises dress with a whoop. Scuttles across the floor beating other occupant to toilet. Squats with great force, rattling windows and causing breasts to bob up and down, hums lively tune, peeing in squirts to keep time, farts loudly and with great glee.

DRUNKEN GIRL: Wobbles to toilet. After several attempts manages to raise dress. Squats on toilet with shrieks of laughter. Pees for a while, singing happy songs, suddenly starts to sob broken heartedly as she realizes that she forgot to pull down her panties. Continues peeing and sobbing.

SLOPPY GIRL: Slip drops into toilet while squatting, never uses toilet paper. Drags her business across the seat, getting seat wet. Never flushes toilet. Emerges with back of skirt caught in her panties.

WORRIED GIRL: Squats thoughtfully, counting days overdue on fingers. Uses toilet paper and examines it carefully and hopefully. Peers into toilet before flushing, resolving never to go to bed drunk again.

THE I DON'T CARE GIRL: Just squats and fires away.

STUBBORN GIRL: Believes all public places are contaminated. Stands three feet in front of toilet, backs up, takes careful aim and fires away, always misses, but will try again.

[quak]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation, the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel.

Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did this happen?"

Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."

Very nice joke bro.

Hope to read more.

[shanxi]

Thank you so much to those who shared jokes.

Will support you.

[xaniman]

TS, thank you so much.

Very lovely thread here.