My crazy lifestyle & the price I paid for it

[fifidzi]

Be strong, you can manage it. What is over is over, look forward. Plan carefully and hope everything will be better for you.

[chatlovers]

Well TS, I dont know what will be the ending of your story but you sud consider yourself lucky if the price of your lifestyle was loss of baby and ability to conceive again in the future. It could easily have been worst.

As much as i donot personally justify K's action but calling him bastard is not right. Didn't u call him to your hotel to impregnate you? You suffered coz of your ownself and not K.

But take positive out of every negative. Learn from ur mistake and become a better person. Love youself first before loving booze and guys.

Its my opinion and its not meant to hurt or offend u. If truth is painful then i am sorry.
Peace.

[cataramp]

Be strong, stay positive!

[mrloner]

I would have go say you are a strong girl.

Hope all is good now, do find a close friend of yours to spill out all the things in your heart/brain.

Stay positive. Smile

[RootAccess]

Hope you are alright now.

[bus72]

Omg sis, didnt expected this to happen, I hope you are doing fine now. anw what happened to you & K after that?

[ArSeRaMmEr]

Be strong & stay positive bro

[kristin18]

Originally Posted by chatlovers

Well TS, I dont know what will be the ending of your story but you sud consider yourself lucky if the price of your lifestyle was loss of baby and ability to conceive again in the future. It could easily have been worst.

As much as i donot personally justify K's action but calling him bastard is not right. Didn't u call him to your hotel to impregnate you? You suffered coz of your ownself and not K.

But take positive out of every negative. Learn from ur mistake and become a better person. Love youself first before loving booze and guys.

Its my opinion and its not meant to hurt or offend u. If truth is painful then i am sorry.
Peace.

I did admit that it wasn't entirely K's fault. After all I was the one who asked him up to my hotel room, though it is not right to say I called him to my room to impregnate me...... In a way, I wanted company. I didn't even enjoy the sex.

But I understand where you are coming from. K is not obliged to take responsibility; perhaps I was just angry that he didn't respond in the way I hoped he did. He was hardly empathetic about my situation & that hurt me.

Thank you for your comments, anyway......

Thanks also to those who have left positive comments either in this thread or via PM. I have read all of them & I appreciate that there are people who can understand the pain I had to go through. =)

[kristin18]

The next three weeks were a torture. Even though E & H tried to be there for me as much as they could, ultimately I still had to deal with everything myself. It was my first time pregnant & I honestly didn't expect it to be this bad.

The morning sickness really nearly killed me. As some of you might know, some pregnant women tend to have morning sickness symptoms 24/7. & that's how it was for me. I couldn't lead my life normally. I couldn't enjoy my favourite food. I chose to hibernate at home most of the time because going out required energy & I was always lethargic. I was also in low spirits most of the time.

Concerned friends tried to find out what happened. As much as I wanted to talk to them, I couldn't. I had to vomit as quietly as possible because I didn't want my parents to suspect anything. They asked me why I'd been staying home so often. They found it weird. They asked my sister, who pretended not to know a thing. I tried to behave as normally as I could but it was so difficult. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore. I had become someone anti-social, emotional all the time for no reasons at all.

Sometimes when I lay in bed, I would put my hand to my tummy. I would talk to that little thing growing inside me. This makes me sound insane, but it's true. I would say, "sorry, baby..... Mummy loves you, but this is not the right time to have you. You came at the wrong time, & even though it is not your fault at all, I hope you can understand the reasons why Mummy has to do this. This is not what I want either..... Mummy feels awful everyday. The morning sickness really makes me feel so terrible. But Mummy knows this is my punishment. I think you know the decision that Mummy has made, & that's why you are making Mummy feel this way. But Mummy accepts it. I will bear with it because I deserve it."

It hurt so much. I told myself that I had to suffer the physical pain (i.e the pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, etc) & emotional pain because this was what I deserved for knowingly killing my own flesh & blood.

Finally, three weeks passed. It was the date of my appointment again. I was nervous & anxious. Soon I would be able to lead a normal life again. I needed the abortion to be done soon because I was putting on weight & my mother had been commenting on how I had grown horizontally over the past few months. I kept reciting in my head that all these would soon be over. But as fate would have it, there just had to be more obstacles along the way.

[Scrabble]

That's so sweet how you talk to the baby and sad at the same time.

[micmac888]

sigh.....

to each one's own... to each one's own

auld lang syne ...

[onlyhuman]

Because of a moment of folly, a life is lost...
You paid the price for leading a lifestyle like this...

[late bloomer]

Do carry on with the story sis ...

[kristin18]

I spent four hours at the hospital on the day of my appointment. First I was sent to do the ultrasound scan. The radiologist pointed out my foetus to me. The foetus had already been formed, & I saw it for the first time. I don't know how to describe it. It looked so small, so fragile; I could've sworn it was begging me not to kill it. I don't know if the radiologist was being cruel intentionally or if this was part of his job scope, but tears welled up in my eyes when he pointed out my baby's heartbeat to me. That was the breaking point for me. Up till now, I cannot get that image out of my mind.

My baby already had a heartbeat of its own. So full of life....... & I was about to take all that away from my own flesh & blood. My heart was so heavy at that point in time. There was a huge lump in my throat that just wouldn't go away.

The radiologist asked if I wanted a picture of my baby. I don't know why I said yes even though I know looking at the picture would hurt me even more.

I sent the picture to K. He didn't reply, even though he had already seen the picture. Shortly after, he blocked me from whatsapp. I don't understand how he could be so heartless but that didn't bother me much. What bothered me most was the image of my baby's heartbeat. I couldn't seem to get it out of my mind at all.

The doctor told me that I was nearly eight weeks pregnant. He verified that everything was okay & I was safe to carry out the abortion. He made me sign on many forms, mostly consent/agreement forms explaining the risks of an abortion. I was excited because I thought the surgery could be done on that day itself.

The doctor called up the day surgery department, & after he hung up the phone, he informed me that the next available date for my day surgery would be three weeks from then. I nearly fainted. I couldn't live with this for another three weeks. I just couldn't. I was already having a hard time coping & trying to act normal. I almost begged the doctor for an earlier appointment, but he only replied me nonchalantly, "sorry, this is the earliest available appointment I can give you, full already."

I left the hospital after going through financial counselling & collecting some medicines for my morning sickness which I requested from the doctor. I thought with the medicine, I would be able to better cope with the morning sickness, & would at least be able to hold out until three weeks later.

But the medicine was useless. I was really, truly tired. I couldn't cope with all of this anymore. I contemplated suicide. After all, I couldn't find anything to live for anymore. At that point in time, suicide seemed to be the only best solution to my problems.

[swingersx2]

A person of your calibre easily earns at least $5k per month. It is difficult to believe that someone earning $800 per month can possibly write and express himself or herself so well.