Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Grandfather’s Advice

At his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated his grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."

Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said, "What's sex like then when you get older, grandad?"

His grandad looked at his grandson, smiled and said, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 reasons why Beer is better than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

[RelaxGirl]

Very nice jokes bro bigbirdbird, thanks!!

[galaxynoteS9]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Grandfather’s Advice

At his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated his grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."

Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said, "What's sex like then when you get older, grandad?"

His grandad looked at his grandson, smiled and said, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

Thanks Grandpa.!!

[lobangkingz]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Grandfather’s Advice

His grandad looked at his grandson, smiled and said, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

hahaha, great joke bro!

[gothere6c]

Very nice jokes bro bigbirdbird, thanks!!

[Dr 18]

great jokes

[prawnbroker]

excellent jokes

[Kimjongpeh]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Grandfather’s Advice

At his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated his grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."

Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said, "What's sex like then when you get older, grandad?"

His grandad looked at his grandson, smiled and said, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

Nice one hahahaa thanks!

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by gothere6c

Very nice jokes bro bigbirdbird, thanks!!

Originally Posted by Dr 18

great jokes

Thanks for your compliments and support of BOSS thread

Upz you 2

[DrunkenCrab]

Excellent jokes from bro bigbirdbird, support always

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 signs your mate is getting cyber sex

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with 1 hand!

9) After signing off she always has a cigarette!

8) After she gets off, the screen's all fogged up!

7) During sex he screams, "a: \ enter insert!"

6) After he uses the computer, the seat is all sticky!

5) Your fax is filled with some guy's ass!

4) The INSERT key on your keyboard is all worn out!

3) The only 3 keys that aren't stiff are: S, E, X!

2) The keyboard is moist!

1) She comes home with a rubber+- inflatable disk drive!

[bigbirdbird]

At the Top of the Hill

A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman having sex in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge.

He slams on his brakes, and manages to stop, just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

[bigbirdbird]

Shorts


Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, it's only when you leave her a virgin.


Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!


The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?


Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
To see if you really mean it!



Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.



Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.


Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.



The stock markets now are like an old man's dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting screwed!



After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror, remembering her time with Bill Clinton. Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help... "God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off.



This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: "We stare because we care!"



The saddest part of a man's body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

[bigbirdbird]

Train Hits School Bus

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are in Heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'

She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'

St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question; 'Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.'

St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Reeva, What seems to be the rush?'

The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it!'