Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[analog]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes in 5 levels. This basic need you speak of is more or less at the bottom. Of course, Maslow isn't the only authority out there but its quite widely read and accepted across many disciplines.

The same basic need you speak of...is renounced by...well...emminent monks, priests and a few other groups of historical stalwarts who served mankind with dedication and self-sacrifice. To suggest that humans cannot do without that and function properly is an affront to their way of life. I won't throw names here but you know where this is going. Of course one can point that marriage entitles one to get some...however, there is an alternative opinion that marriage can be for companionship and a pillar of strength for each other.

Did you get married to me a monk/priest?

I sure didn't.

QED.

Jim

[Sen5eS]

Nuclear Kid : you have a point but not everyone's a monk/priest/higher-learned being hehe.

We're just plain simple basic people with basic needs. It's true there's a bigger world out there but at the end of the day "some" of us would rather frolick nekkid in bed and sweat it out like animals hahaha

so ... to conclude ... it's to each his own. What works for you might not work for others.

[analog]

[QUOTE=charisme;6593835]Firstly me and my man are no longer together..

Hmmmm.......

I wonder why....


quod erat demonstrandum.

nuf said.
Jim

[Sen5eS]

Charisme : sorry to hear that ... hope it was good while it lasted.

Frankie : salute ... you've put in the time/effort for your child. Very commendable. Guess you could still try to initiate your moves on your OC but if not, there's always SBF.

haha hope you find peace in your quest for the holey Trinity.

analog : hehehe well ... he has other pursuits in life. We are all different right ?

[nuclearkid]

Originally Posted by analog

Did you get married to me a monk/priest?

I sure didn't.

QED.

Jim

Perhaps you didn't but conversely, I didn't get married just for the horizontal boogey. The point is, some of us are saying we are multi-dimensional when it comes to our marriages.

Originally Posted by Sen5eS

Nuclear Kid : you have a point but not everyone's a monk/priest/higher-learned being hehe.

We're just plain simple basic people with basic needs. It's true there's a bigger world out there but at the end of the day "some" of us would rather frolick nekkid in bed and sweat it out like animals hahaha

so ... to conclude ... it's to each his own. What works for you might not work for others.

Yes, a good point, frolicking in the sack can indeed be a fun-filled activity. But we don't exist in a vacuum, other roles in our lives impose significant influences. In an interplay of that, consider yourself lucky that you are able to anticipate and enjoy sex like you were in your youth first starting out. To others, there are other more pressing issues to confront rather than a partner not wanting to screw.

[Sen5eS]

Originally Posted by ferragamo

Tell me about it, you are absolutely correct

I remember telling my friends my then gf (now wife) was the best. Sex everywhere, car , outdoors etc etc. sure must marry her

Fast forward years later after kids, I am typing this kind of topic in sammyboy

At least if last time she not interested and boring , then the change is not so great
But last time so good, after kids become so different makes it hard to swallow. Feel cheated. And got kids so cannot anyhow do anything about it

Fuck..

hahaha dun be resentful lah bro ... kids are an end to mindless-mindblowing sex ... but you'll just have to find a different environment to get the fire going lah. BTW i hope you didn't just marry her for the sex ...

[Sen5eS]

Nuclearkid : ya ... we all want variety depend on what we can achieve. Your standards may be higher than mine and mine may look mundane and superficial. But then again ... we're all different in so many ways ... perhaps it's better to console ourselves that at least we have good health and good $$$.

The other pursuits be it intellectual/ECA, main thing is we're happy and whatever we're doing we should have no regrets and most importantly whatever you do just dun get caught ... otherwise ... your pockets are going to hurt BAD !

[HayHot]

This sums it up.

If Sex is not important in a marriage, why should you care if your spouse have it outside of marriage ?

If Sex is THAT important in a marriage, why the fuck you didn't give enough of it to your spouse ?

[castaway_wilson]

I think the cause of loss of libido for so many bros' wife after bearing kids could be due to c-section.

According to this website , c-section 'cut the vagal sensory nerves in the pelvic area (clitoris, uterus, cervix and vagina), which are responsible for transduction of the sex organ stimulation to the dopamine-hypothalamus-pituitary axis for the release of oxytocin, essential to the vaginal lubrication and relaxation and ultimate orgasmic responses. '

In simple english, it means c-section could damage nerves responsible for sexual response and orgasm.

And this is quite similar to TS's case.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by peachbloom

wow seriously, if what you sad is true, you are indeed a rare husband! your wifey doesn't know how to appreciate all the good things you have done! with her attitude like this, I won't be suprise the husband will eat out.

Thanks but I am not the perfect hub or man if not I wouldn't have eaten out...in fact we had a blow out a few months back when some how she found out about my activities...

[Dickens1111]

Originally Posted by peachbloom

wow seriously, if what you sad is true, you are indeed a rare husband! your wifey doesn't know how to appreciate all the good things you have done! with her attitude like this, I won't be suprise the husband will eat out.

Rare meh? not really leh. But then again, not everyone tells everyone else how great a guy he is...even though he is just being responsible. if someone else isn't doing her job, it does not make you great doing yours.... you're just at baseline, while she's below. Simple as that.

[analog]

Originally Posted by HayHot

This sums it up.

If Sex is not important in a marriage, why should you care if your spouse have it outside of marriage ?

If Sex is THAT important in a marriage, why the fuck you didn't give enough of it to your spouse ?

Bro Hayhot!

Perfectly said. Perfect.

Cheers,
Jim

[analog]

Originally Posted by castaway_wilson

I think the cause of loss of libido for so many bros' wife after bearing kids could be due to c-section.

According to this website , c-section 'cut the vagal sensory nerves in the pelvic area (clitoris, uterus, cervix and vagina), which are responsible for transduction of the sex organ stimulation to the dopamine-hypothalamus-pituitary axis for the release of oxytocin, essential to the vaginal lubrication and relaxation and ultimate orgasmic responses. '

In simple english, it means c-section could damage nerves responsible for sexual response and orgasm.

And this is quite similar to TS's case.

Bro Wilson:

All our kids are natural.
I refused to allow our Singaporean Obgyn to do a C-Section just so he could go home and sleep. If you don't like being up all night go into dermatology rather than obstetrics.

So that excuse is off the table unfortunately.

cheers,
jim

[Darina]

Originally Posted by charisme

It is not everything.. but did i say there should be none??
I will not have a sexless marriage for sure. but it should not be just based on it.. there should be more to it than just sex. i dont see it as a main priorty. but also not put it as the last.

Yes I agree a marriage should not just be based on sex
However, it should not be sexless at all which is kinda the situation I'm in right now.

Yes my self-esteem started to take a really huge blow. Does he find me unattractive? Am I too fat? Does he not find me sexy any more? Anyway, I hv found that the answer is not me.

Usual excuse is that he is tired. I also gave up trying to seduce him because I get totally NO SATISFACTION AT ALL. I do all the work and he don't even bother to make me cum. The sad thing is that for this year I can count the number we had sex on 1 hand And those were the times I bothered trying and he was not too tired.

I don't know about other women but to me sex is not just physical but yr mental psych plays a big deal too. If my partner is just going through the motions and I don't feel him wanting me I cannot perform as well

And personally, I rather go without sex than having bad sex which I think is even more screwed up.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by Darina

I don't know about other women but to me sex is not just physical but yr mental psych plays a big deal too. If my partner is just going through the motions and I don't feel him wanting me I cannot perform as well

Understand how you feel sis, the worst part is when my oc told me she just do it to get it over with...