What can I do to get dates and eliminate my phobia

[pearlnjewel]

dudes here,

I know a lot of you are/were in my shoe, so I guess you may see from my point of view. Personally hope to get some advice.

I'm 25 this year, confuse about my life ahead. When i was younger in poly I could not seem to get attached, I thought maybe if i am older I will be able to get a girlfriend easier. Working now but can't seem to get to know any girls outside of work. I don't enjoy drinking, clubbing. I believe in spending what is needed, So I rarely shop or eat extravagantly. If a girl jio me go some fancy cafes or restaurant I will not mind paying, on my own i thrift.

Will it be the same situation when I am 35 yo and still single? How do i talk to girls and get a date. It seems majority of girls i like are attached, or are nice to chat with but nothing goes from there. I am also not comfortable with cold approach on the street, nor do i do well in big groups. Classes I attend I do not dare speak much to girls. I get anxious when i'm near girls, I have phobia from past hiccups.

I totally am sure that being frustrated about being single does not help, I was there. So i am cooling down my head for whats needed to be done. Hope to get some opinions on what could be done.

[maxsee]

If you are not successful in life, getting dates will always be a problem in Singapore...so work on your career instead of thinking of getting dates...

[kiko]

Bro : Well said .. I agree with you. most important is build a successful career, with money , house and car, i feel no gal friend or wife not a big deal . I upped u points!

[Johnbass]

Originally Posted by pearlnjewel

... confuse about my life ahead... could not seem to get attached... can't seem to get to know any girls outside of work. I don't enjoy drinking, clubbing... I rarely shop or eat extravagantly... If a girl jio me... It seems majority of girls i like are attached... I am also not comfortable with cold approach on the street... nor do i do well in big groups... I do not dare speak much to girls... I get anxious when i'm near girls... I have phobia from past hiccups...

TS...
One step at a time lah...
Step 1- set some goals for your life ahead (e.g. Work, financials, health, hobbies, meet more real people, spend less time playing computers, etc)
Step 2- work on achieving these goals
Step 3- go find gf

Meanwhile, you can also try to piak 1st talk later here...

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by pearlnjewel

I totally am sure that being frustrated about being single does not help, I was there. So i am cooling down my head for whats needed to be done. Hope to get some opinions on what could be done.

Forget about girls for the time being. Concentrate on achieving financial independence before the age of 40. Girls are nothing more than a distraction while you're building up your finances.

Once you've made it in life, you'll find you don't have to look for dates. Dates will track you down instead and you'll be able to pick and choose.

[OserbergGold]

TS work hard and smart in your job. Most youngsters nowadays do not know how to save money. Try your best to save at least 30% of salary. When you have accumulated more than $20 000.00 you can invest your money wisely. Bearing in mind always there is some risk involved when investing. At the same time upgrade your skills so that you could earn more money. As what other bros had already mentioned to establish your career . Once you have established your career the rest should be natural. Also go for grooming classes. There is no short cut in life. Most importantly you must enjoy what you are doing.

[Ken79]

Hi TS bro, let's be upfront first. Dating and marriage (later on) will cost money and a lot of it.
Imagine dating and going out at least twice a week, sure its malls n dining out so cannot be just 100% of the trips are movies + window shopping + fast food/foodcourt and go home via public transport (if u dont drive).
This is what many women, especially those that have been in society long enough a dour and mono date, no matter how much they like u, after some time they get sick of this life and will say bye.

Women like to be indulged and surprised not every time or not even half of the time but i say at least 1/4 of the time.
Going to a restaurant for meals, buying her gifts (i go outstation every month and i always buy something for my spouse), you also need to plan for v-day, xmas, b-day, anniversary. And also holidays.

Just think about the money u need to spend on a regular basis.
And also as a person progresses in life and society, their taste changes... when i was a student the usual rugged jeans n tees were fine, that was me.
When i started working i had to start to dress formally to be presentable, entry level general brands like G2000 were my staple, all i wanted at that time was just being practical with my spendings and presentable.

But then u might find yourself at a stage that u being formal and presentable means buying and using branded stuffs because you have more disposable income and the social/work circle u associate with are generally like that as well.
You will start to find it important to eat and dress well, regular trips to a restaurant, frequent holidays to improve the quality of your life and your spouse/family.

It is this greed and desire that compels u to work hard and smart to bring in a good pay check.
My advice for you like what other bros had mentioned is to fix your income situation first.

The kind of women u desire would need to desire u first.

Good luck!

[Summerhillt]

Please lah bro.. just cheong your career first lah.
If you stay river valley condo. Drive audi. I don't think you willl be single anytime longer.

Financial security are what girls are looking for in this dog eat dog era

[hawksbay]

Originally Posted by kiko

Bro : Well said .. I agree with you. most important is build a successful career, with money , house and car, i feel no gal friend or wife not a big deal . I upped u points!

pls u dont need a car in spore.most important u have to be happy with ur life...gals come go and go....if its ur time ...u will know....so heads up....

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by Ken79

Hi TS bro, let's be upfront first. Dating and marriage (later on) will cost money and a lot of it.
Imagine dating and going out at least twice a week, sure its malls n dining out so cannot be just 100% of the trips are movies + window shopping + fast food/foodcourt and go home via public transport (if u dont drive).
This is what many women, especially those that have been in society long enough a dour and mono date, no matter how much they like u, after some time they get sick of this life and will say bye.

Women like to be indulged and surprised not every time or not even half of the time but i say at least 1/4 of the time.
Going to a restaurant for meals, buying her gifts (i go outstation every month and i always buy something for my spouse), you also need to plan for v-day, xmas, b-day, anniversary. And also holidays.

Just think about the money u need to spend on a regular basis.
And also as a person progresses in life and society, their taste changes... when i was a student the usual rugged jeans n tees were fine, that was me.
When i started working i had to start to dress formally to be presentable, entry level general brands like G2000 were my staple, all i wanted at that time was just being practical with my spendings and presentable.

But then u might find yourself at a stage that u being formal and presentable means buying and using branded stuffs because you have more disposable income and the social/work circle u associate with are generally like that as well.
You will start to find it important to eat and dress well, regular trips to a restaurant, frequent holidays to improve the quality of your life and your spouse/family.

It is this greed and desire that compels u to work hard and smart to bring in a good pay check.
My advice for you like what other bros had mentioned is to fix your income situation first.

The kind of women u desire would need to desire u first.

Good luck!

tats very good advice for TS bro.

fyi TS our society these days is such that no money no honey doesnt only apply to commercial r/s but also any other kinda r/s. it's a very materialistic world we r living in nw, bear that in mind b4 u start thinking abt dating.

[echodude]

Very good advice all round. I have a friend who went to all the top schools and got a good degree and all that and is looking at bankruptcy because of dating. She is not even the money grubber type u read on social media - just the typical materialistic singporean girl who feels it's the norm to life a lifestyle beyond their means. They dine out very frequently and take trips and all. Rolled a few years, he is now much older, out of shape, half the person he used to be in terms of confidence and facing bankruptcy after maxing out 5 cards.

[SnowLeopards]

Originally Posted by echodude

Very good advice all round. I have a friend who went to all the top schools and got a good degree and all that and is looking at bankruptcy because of dating. She is not even the money grubber type u read on social media - just the typical materialistic singporean girl who feels it's the norm to life a lifestyle beyond their means. They dine out very frequently and take trips and all. Rolled a few years, he is now much older, out of shape, half the person he used to be in terms of confidence and facing bankruptcy after maxing out 5 cards.

It happens. However, life goes on.

This is a very hard lesson, but a classic example on dating the wrong women in Singapore.

Pierre.

[megachiongster]

Originally Posted by pearlnjewel

dudes here,

I know a lot of you are/were in my shoe, so I guess you may see from my point of view. Personally hope to get some advice.

I'm 25 this year, confuse about my life ahead. When i was younger in poly I could not seem to get attached, I thought maybe if i am older I will be able to get a girlfriend easier. Working now but can't seem to get to know any girls outside of work. I don't enjoy drinking, clubbing. I believe in spending what is needed, So I rarely shop or eat extravagantly. If a girl jio me go some fancy cafes or restaurant I will not mind paying, on my own i thrift.

Will it be the same situation when I am 35 yo and still single? How do i talk to girls and get a date. It seems majority of girls i like are attached, or are nice to chat with but nothing goes from there. I am also not comfortable with cold approach on the street, nor do i do well in big groups. Classes I attend I do not dare speak much to girls. I get anxious when i'm near girls, I have phobia from past hiccups.

I totally am sure that being frustrated about being single does not help, I was there. So i am cooling down my head for whats needed to be done. Hope to get some opinions on what could be done.

Bro, dont worry.. 35 is okay. Most girls u like are attached because most girls that EVERYONE likes, who are pretty/nice/smart are attractive, hence a lot of guys will chase them and they are bound to get attached soon mah.

just look harder, join more dating websites, talk more to nice girls.
use lots of phone apps to date.. but i feel dont get distracted by sex... if u look for nice girls, u wont get sex till u get the the one.
know wat i mean? i was distracted by sex all the way.. and the moment i abandoned the search for sex, i managed to find a good girl.

jiayou TS!

[mutantchicken]

Money and women are mutually exclusive ie with a woman you dont have as much money, but regardless of all the BS the PUA community tells you WITHOUT money you cant get a woman as money is needed to get you in physical shape, its needed for you to buy nice cloths, smell nice, money is need for you to take classes to improve you knowledge so you have things to talk about so the conversation is stimulating to the girl, let alone the materialistic type girls.
If you were to pretend you life was divided into 3 parts, LOVE (women) HEALTH and CAREER(finances), for every hour you invest in health and career you get a immedaiate ROI, no its def not the case in LOVE, so why worry about that, as in the end with good health you can find money and love, with good career you can again find good health and love, but with good love can u find good health or good career?

[ColdBlood99]

Originally Posted by pearlnjewel

dudes here,

I know a lot of you are/were in my shoe, so I guess you may see from my point of view. Personally hope to get some advice.

I'm 25 this year, confuse about my life ahead. When i was younger in poly I could not seem to get attached, I thought maybe if i am older I will be able to get a girlfriend easier. Working now but can't seem to get to know any girls outside of work. I don't enjoy drinking, clubbing. I believe in spending what is needed, So I rarely shop or eat extravagantly. If a girl jio me go some fancy cafes or restaurant I will not mind paying, on my own i thrift.

Will it be the same situation when I am 35 yo and still single? How do i talk to girls and get a date. It seems majority of girls i like are attached, or are nice to chat with but nothing goes from there. I am also not comfortable with cold approach on the street, nor do i do well in big groups. Classes I attend I do not dare speak much to girls. I get anxious when i'm near girls, I have phobia from past hiccups.

I totally am sure that being frustrated about being single does not help, I was there. So i am cooling down my head for whats needed to be done. Hope to get some opinions on what could be done.

Ts, i have a friend who can help you, his name is johnbass. if you can impart 10% of his skill, you will have no worries about gals. this is how he cheat his wife on bed