HIV spouse

average jOe · #1 04-07-2005, 04:43 AM

I am married and I love her deeply. She's a thai from Chiangmai whom i fell in love when i met her first time. Got married after 3 years of courtship. Applie for PR status but was only successful after about 6 year. Our great joy was turned to deep sorrow when we discovered she has HIV. It was a period of chronic depression. So much so, it affected me enough to send me to a pshychiatrist., I am HIV negative since we always hv protected sex. (Though it is not foolproof) Like most samster, I enjoy a short sex here and there. Sometimes even short affairs.
Since I knew abt her illness, I want her to feel as normal as possible and let her know that all is not loss.
Again, I love her but sex with her is almost of the question. I am a guy too and I need physical intimacy. So at times, i find myself in hc or geyland.After my session, my consience comdemns me.
Im at a loss....really.
Any advice?
One last thing, she is attracttive, gentle, non-nagger....I did not have the desire myself to satisfy her sexually while i have my release when I lust uncontroblaly. So unfair to her. Pls help.....

P.S. Well masturbation only increase my sexual desire even faster

But the way, I do not where she got her HIV and I would appreciate that my fellow samster not try making wild guess, for even as a husband, it really does not matter to me.

I am really at a loss. Pls advice.

siamcutey · #2 04-07-2005, 02:16 PM

Don't think I am qualified to give help since you already have a psychiatrist.

SC

hunter89 · #3 04-07-2005, 02:33 PM

Hi Bro Joe,

Maybe you and your wife should go and see a family consultant, which might be of help to this unfortunate event.

hunter89

ricardo · #4 04-07-2005, 02:42 PM

bro joe,

i thot some pre-caution during sex can help reduce the risk to very low. well it is a risk u had to take just minimize them.

this did not happen to me so i cannot say i m sure to do what i think. but i would think i will continue to make love with my wife regardless ... but we will be very careful abt it and make sure we do not get involved with someone else.

alternatively

if u r too worried ... you can go out and have your fun ... and purchase some nice toys to help her with her urge (with u involved of course).

sexlover · #5 04-07-2005, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by average jOe

Im at a loss....really. Any advice?
So unfair to her. Pls help.....
But the way, I do not where she got her HIV and I would appreciate that my fellow samster not try making wild guess, for even as a husband, it really does not matter to me.
I am really at a loss. Pls advice.

It is a sad story...

Just curious what type of help & advice u are looking for?

MoonBlaze · #6 04-07-2005, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by average jOe

Since I knew abt her illness, I want her to feel as normal as possible and let her know that all is not loss

Bro, at a situation like this, i believe abstraining from engaging sexual activity with her is logical thing to do. There are more things to life with your love one other than sex. Though i must admit that without sex, the whole thing may seem so much incomplete. But i believe she will understand the whole thing. Spend more time with her, live the normal life with her as the two of you had always done so. Until a cure can be found one day for HIV, there is nothing you can do except giving her moral support and provide for her if you can till the end. It is not easy but you gotta try if it is within your means....
My heart goes to you and your love.

TheSting · #7 04-07-2005, 03:07 PM

A little side note for consideration....
(although this might be one of the lesser of your concerns..)

Being HIV positive, will there be any chance of her PR being revoked?

If so..... might have to find other sources of treatment....

Not exactly sure about this though..

kumcheng · #8 04-07-2005, 04:01 PM

Hi averagejoe,

Here's a good website I've found. Its a forum about HIV spouses.

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Couples/index.html

You can check out the main site as well. Very informative.

http://www.thebody.com/

Hope this helps.

smlee · #9 04-07-2005, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by average jOe

Again, I love her but sex with her is almost of the question. I am a guy too and I need physical intimacy. So at times, i find myself in hc or geyland.After my session, my consience comdemns me.
Im at a loss....really.

Pardon me from being nasty. I think it is really lame for you to think it is dangerous to have sex with her when you can take the risk to have sex with a WL in HC and Geylang...

biatch6969 · #10 04-07-2005, 04:13 PM

no matter wat happen...since u really love her, always be there to support her mentally .... it will definately help her alot...nv give up on her.

ly1968 · #11 04-07-2005, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smlee

Pardon me from being nasty. I think it is really lame for you to think it is dangerous to have sex with her when you can take the risk to have sex with a WL in HC and Geylang...

yeah i agree with bro smlee,u can still have sex with her by using condom

kumcheng · #12 05-07-2005, 12:23 AM

Hi average joe,

You may also want to try contacting Action for Aids, a non-governmental organization in Singapore which helps HIV patients and their families. Here's their contact info:

Action for AIDS (Singapore)
c/o DSC Clinic
31 Kelantan Lane #02-16
Singapore 200031
Tel : 6254 0212
Fax : 6256 5903
Email : [email protected]

Alternatively, there's a samster here who is an active volunteer with Action for Aids. His nick's AFA_hmor. Here's his info and you may want to contact him.

http://forum.sammyboy.com/member.php...poster&t=38050

average jOe · #13 05-07-2005, 02:36 AM

Thank pals for all the advices. Can really feel kindness from your words. Thanks.
Anyway, it is true one cannot successfully apply PR status with this illness. But our government has changed their policy allowing them to stay with us. A rare act of grace. But we bought those medicines in Chiangmai; significantly much cheaper. To those who ask us to various helps, they also do not know what really to do. Some samster told me to use condom which is it quite safe but not at all encouraged cuz there is still a risk. To me, she seem to lose all interest in sex, can't blame her, but to me my desire for a lady's physical intimacy can be quite strong. Self-control?
Through these tough times, I always encourage her while I worried myself to tears whenver the doc ask 4 a x-rays. Damn tough living a double live. One side of me always strong yet another one extremely weak alone. We are married for than 10 years. Our adopted child 3 years only.
Actually I faced these many issues by myself. It is kind of soul tormenting.

telesex · #14 05-07-2005, 08:12 AM

Understanding your present suitation and indeed very sad story.Anyway life still got to go on

shadowlunar04 · #15 05-07-2005, 09:10 AM

I believe your wife is going through nothing less than what you are going through now. She needs your moral support more than before. My only advice for you is to treat her nice during her remaining days, cherish the time with her. Don't let the illness comes in between your relationship with her. Who knows, maybe a cure will be available in the near future? As a man, you have to stand up strong. Your wife and your kid are relying on you. If you fall, who gonna take care of them? As for the sex thing, it's natural that your wife loses interest in it. You just have to respect her on that. Maybe, it's because she dun want you to kanna it too? A man has his needs too, but at the same time, it's also a matter of mind control. Control that urge and desire, and you'll find your life will be a much wholesome one. I had a friend who died of AIDS, so I understand the emotion involved in it. Just be normal, you still got a family to take care off. Dun let your inner self eats you up.

Wish you and your family all the best.

Cheers
shadowlunar