Attention: How to construct your dating site profile.

[Johnston]

Right all yáll sch kids or whoever else : This is how you construct a profile that pulls in or at least is more attractive to the clever lady than "Mi small Boi wans Luv mi deep deep PLx""

Basic Requirements: You got's some brains.
Some money.
Some actual liking for the stuff you gonna to put in
BE at least 70% honest. Lies catch you out eventually, like it or not

Electives: Know some language, preferably korean, jap, german etc etc. French and Latin are WINZORS and u gonna score. Spanish is sexayyy.... Trust me.
Know how to play an instrument.

Now, the first thing you must know, is that ladies care very little for profiles written all in LeeTSp3@kS and if what you want is very young silly girls, why, go ahead then. While Coxford-standard english is not required and can actually be counterproductive, at least type properly lah....

You should start reading the following books:
V for vendetta, To kill a mockingbird, Romeo and juliet, Memoirs of a geisha, among others. Charlaine Harris vampire novels are also winners as chicks love True Love.
'
You should not Hate CATS. Nor twilight. or boybands. In fact your profile should be cleverly ambigious but yet you know this, know that etc. You should have some basic knowledge of food and white. E.G what's consomme, brisket, tartare, chardonnay etc... Dropping a "This wine is from the Medoc region of france, that's the same region as Chateau Mouton Rothschild" instantly makes you look like you know something about your wine.
Cheatsheet for really atas wines:Chateau Mouton Rothschild, Lafite rothschild, latour, Y'quem. Atas Champange: Krug, Moet et chandon, Taitingger, Dom perignon, and if you are drinking G.H Mumm, you can drop a "this is the same champange that is sprayed on the TOP F1 driver at the podium. Krug Clos Du Mesnil etc etc.

Hmm let's see if this helps.

[Johnston]

As usual, any spelling nutzis will make me shake off my stupor (thanks to this beer) and be reffered directly to the Sicherdienst and be thumped with phonebooks. No advises please.

[Johnston]

Fiak!!! boh lang ai know tactics and strategies to tackles MILFs and other cleber ladies. Then everyone want to fuck MILF dont want to tackle the MILF.... how huh? I want my cake but i dont want to buy it...

[Johnston]

Before Yen-Lo-Wang , i can guarantee you , i dealt with all sorts of milfy charboz from 25 to 30 etc, ranging from all kinds of education, position, mumble mumble mumble.

The fucking problem is, aint no damn cash to carry the deal through dammit.

[VanGogh]

Bro Thank... I'm googling most of the info you had shared ....

Just became Gold member in AFF.... hope can get FB... although me a little hokkien clan... woohoooo

anymore to share boh bro ???

[Johnston]

Sorry ah man, hokkien clan the England educated charboz no so like. Hokkein in silly pore still see as AH BENG languages.

Considering i've ripped through A TAD TOO MANY milfy profiles... i can say the very basic is:
You need to know Food. And Wine (No, Tiger Beer is not as good as gold around the world).
You should not behave like this
Behave properly lah....

And those chao kantang kia, meet me, i will tell them "Don't peremptorily presume all so called Ah Bengs don't know how to speak proper english, i can spell hooligan without the aid of an dictionary, thank you very much. " I also Normal Laval one , okay...

[Johnston]

By the way, never hand itchy let the charboz order any of those names that i metioned..... standard champagne still can lah... but all those Chateau Mouton, Lafite, etc... u dont want to know the price.... okay lah .. i warn u first.

Chateau Mouton Rothschild is 690$ a bottle and that is at Carrefour the pricing....

And whatever else you do, dont go and order Louis XIII (13) unless u strike rich at Casino... The hotel pricing is 5,450 for standard Louis XIII and there have at CocxskFORD tower a Loius XIII Rare Cask which im told runs a 60,000 SGD for that bottle..... no, i am not kidding.

[VanGogh]

Bro Johnston, siao liao, my gold member fee going down the drain...

I try hook some ah lian on AFF and report to u

However, if i get too deep england talking 1, I'll PM u for help ok ?? Then u can teach me some Char Don Neh and not Char Quay Teo. ... wish me luck ok Bro.. ..

[Johnston]

Originally Posted by VanGogh

However, if i get too deep england talking 1, I'll PM u for help ok ?? Then u can teach me some Char Don Neh and not Char Quay Teo. ... wish me luck ok Bro.. ..

*raises eyebrow
I should be very glad to beguile whoever you may encounter on AFF with my silver tongue, clever in it's use of newfangleness. Twists and turns, spirals etc, i do them all in a jiffy.

*fwah: where all else people go siah.... ZzzzzZzzzzz rarely got free Impart Kungfu offer leh...

[VanGogh]

Originally Posted by Johnston

I should be very glad to beguile whoever you may encounter on AFF with my silver tongue, clever in it's use of newfangleness. Twists and turns, spirals etc, i do them all in a jiffy.

*fwah: where all else people go siah.... ZzzzzZzzzzz rarely got free Impart Kungfu offer leh...

Thanks Thanks Bro. ... FOC Kungfu and England talking. . .I like !!

Buy u 1 Tiger Bro. .. Oops... I'll try not to mention Tiger in AFF to England talking Bu. ...

[Johnston]

oh my stars. Where did everybody go?

[Johnston]

OH well.

To continue:
You should purchase some poetical books... check out far east the top floor the 2nd hand bookshop... ask him for some recommendation on romance novel and poetry stuff. Then u copy and paste in your comments or whatevr but u rememeber to Google whatver u post first lah... and u modify it appropriately..


for extreme winzors u could start a blog and copy paste from the text/... but make sure u find a good enough book lah... be very Emo and Sappy.... charboz sometimes like..

HOWEVER i cannot help u if you cannot have the basic knowledge to at least fake a bit lah...

Cmon.. nobody needs helpS?

[Johnston]

One very important thing: If the charboz tell u is Christian, your basically in some shit. And if she follow the Catholic path.... u best not go fuck her unless u really want to marry her because

CATHOLICS cannot abort. NOT EVEN IF IT ENDANGER BOTH MOTHER AND CHILD. The Roman Catholic Church and Abortion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This also go the same for strict buddhists. So please, spare yourself the drama.

Also, it helps lots if you dont scream and run when u watch a ghosty show...
And if u drink and smoke like a drain/chimney, it may not be wise to tell her that unless her profile is full of such pics....

[Johnston]

By the way not say i say what ar, but the clever charbox profile pass age 27 seems to be really more self promotions:'

aihaiya don worry lah, i look young but even when i haf kid still sure so pretty kk

i go club /smoke/ drink now but when i find a hubby i quit okay. gurantee plus chops.

and again:

IS SINGLE.