I wish I didn't get married

[misled]

After getting married and learning more about men and how, no matter how good a man's relationship with his wife may be, he may still cheat on his wife - for variety or when he is alone overseas. And there may be no way that his wife can find out because he will be able to lie about it quite well, especially if he really loves his wife because he sees the flings as just sex and he will not let them harm the marriage.

If I had known this earlier I would have never settled down with a man because I cannot tolerate the possibility of being cheated on, even if my husband really loves me very much. If I knew men are like that, I would have just had short term relationships for company and sex and even had kids out of wedlock, which I will be happy to bring up on my own. If I knew how easily men can cheat, I would have just stayed away from men, save for sex and to get pregnant.

I have a hard time dealing with this now that that I am married. It is impossible to be 100% sure that my husband isnt cheating and with jobs requiring a bit or travelling now and then, you never really know what is happening.

I am obligated to give my husband the benefit of the doubt and do my part in the marriage because we have a good relationship and kids. Yet I don't really feel happy about it. I don't want to cheat on him so that I can be one up on him. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just don't want to have to blindly trust someone.

Just wanted to get this off my chest, nothing much can be done about it.

I guess my advice to women is to only marry a man if you love him so much that you are ok with him possibily cheating on you.

It's sad but true.

[dominic7]

happiness is a choice.
misery is also a choice.

choose either.

anyway this is a forum for men. i dun understand why u wana come in and read about all these. take ur whining somewhere else

[NightHawk88]

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."

Nothing is perfect in this world....if you chosen him mean you love him.

Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you but trusting them enough not to!

Learn to trust.....

Best proof of love is trust; don't get committed if you are not ready.


Cheers.

[NewandLost]

Originally Posted by misled

After getting married and learning more about men and how, no matter how good a man's relationship with his wife may be, he may still cheat on his wife - for variety or when he is alone overseas. And there may be no way that his wife can find out because he will be able to lie about it quite well, especially if he really loves his wife because he sees the flings as just sex and he will not let them harm the marriage.

If I had known this earlier I would have never settled down with a man because I cannot tolerate the possibility of being cheated on, even if my husband really loves me very much. If I knew men are like that, I would have just had short term relationships for company and sex and even had kids out of wedlock, which I will be happy to bring up on my own. If I knew how easily men can cheat, I would have just stayed away from men, save for sex and to get pregnant.

I have a hard time dealing with this now that that I am married. It is impossible to be 100% sure that my husband isnt cheating and with jobs requiring a bit or travelling now and then, you never really know what is happening.

I am obligated to give my husband the benefit of the doubt and do my part in the marriage because we have a good relationship and kids. Yet I don't really feel happy about it. I don't want to cheat on him so that I can be one up on him. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just don't want to have to blindly trust someone.

Just wanted to get this off my chest, nothing much can be done about it.

I guess my advice to women is to only marry a man if you love him so much that you are ok with him possibily cheating on you.

It's sad but true.

Sista, if you dont trust him then your relationship is over. Do you fool around? Get horny and go out and get some cock when your husband is away?

[Big Sexy]

lady..
please don't tar us all with the same brush..
i am a gentleman.

Originally Posted by misled

If I knew men are like that

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Hi Sister Misled, How are you? Husband not in Singapore? Wondering whether he is banging some PRC "Sweet Young Thing" with Perky Ass and Nice Boobs somewhere in China?

While I don't want to appear to substitute my amateur textual analysis for the help of a professional therapist or counselor, I can't help noticing some clues in your prose. (These clues are from your previous postings in other thread -- http://sammyboy.today/adult-d...l#post4121599t).

It seems you are on the verge of destroying your marriage with you self-fulfilling prophecy. The problem is, you cannot stop accusing your husband of cheating. You are always imagining scenarios of where and how he could be acting unfaithfully, even when you said that “We have a good relationship and kids”. Yet you are so obsessed with the idea that he could be seeing someone else or making a fool of you behind your back when he’s overseas. I think you probably can learn to stop obsessing about your husband cheating on you and learn to trust him

Hope there weren’t any probable strong connection between your past failed relationships resulted in your fear of trusting men or are you mixing with the wrong type of female friends? Some if not all women derive great pleasure from trashing men (except for female samsters, they derive great pleasure from loving men), and most of these women are not married or have been unable to hold onto a relationship. If none of the women in your social circle has learned to trust men, then it's not surprising that you didn't learn that, either. The fact is, contrary to what you have learned in this forum, from other low self-esteem insecure women or what other women have taught you, there are many men in the world who can be trusted. You are just going to have to learn how to do that. The bad news is that letting your imagination run wild will make it worst. Whatever your mind can conceive and behave, your mind can achieve. Your subconscious will work on you!!! whether you realized it or not.

I think you can overcome this distrust if you explain to your husband where your lack of trust comes from and what both of you can do to overcome it, and slowly broadening your capacity for trust into more difficult areas or work with a therapist. The reason I suggest seeing a therapist is because it sounds like the behaviors that are bothering you are pretty much out of your conscious control. If they were things you could manage, like, say, quitting smoking, that would be different. If you can't afford a therapist, then attendance at a self-help group might help, as might other resources aimed at helping individuals overcome crippling habits and gain insight into their unconscious behaviors.

If your fear is caused by reading in this forum, please refrain from logging in, it will do you more good because this is a sex forum for men/women who seek /offer sex, sexual fantasies and seek/offer advice for after sex and affairs.

Cheers and enjoy the long holidays with your husband and kids and drain him dry!!! .

[Medusa]

im sorry to say this but you should have known earlier that men tends to stray since dunno how many centuries ago...now that the world evolves...women strays too...

you love him thats why you marry him...if by keeping urself in suspense all the time dont you think you are making ur life miserable? i know say is easier than done but you seriously have to get the thot of ur man straying outta your mind...keep thinking about it will only put your marraige on the rocks...unless you caught him red handed...i would suggest you give him the benefits of doubt...

frankly speaking..men are never good liars...its just a matter of whether their woman wanna get them or not...dats why people always say...close one eye if they dont go too far...im a woman who cant even bear a single speck of dust too...but as long as i didnt catch him red handed...i would still like to give him my trust...but if im set to catch him...i'll make sure i get evidence

so sis..relax and dont think too much...what is meant to happen will happen...there's no way to avoid...so stay happy...cheers

[see see only]

Originally Posted by Big Sexy

lady..
please don't tar us all with the same brush..
i am a gentleman.

Yeah a gentleman regardless with a FL, ONS, FB ............ I believe you treat them gentlemanly.


As for TS,

no man is perfect and including women. My Ex-neighbour confirm never fcuk around, GOOD MAN???? - he dont work and stay home everyday. He will drink until drunk at the void deck almost every night.

However the wifey must work in the morning til night as a cleaner in a few shopping malls why not try asking her to choose again.


Another bro of mine never fcuk around last time, but after realised, his "son" carry a blood group that almost impoosible for him to produce. He, still love his wifey & family very much, but now once a while he go for FL & ONS liao.

Not giving excuses, but just wondering how could we own another human 100%.

Your husband do not belong to you, he belong with you.

[indexes401]

Hi Sis Misled

I am not sure if you have caught your husband doing anything that caused you to develop a low confidence in man and marriage.
In any case i am ruling that out unless you say otherwise.



Based on what you have written, i guess what you have learned during your marriage years about men is derive from other people's experience, articles from magazines/news/forums.

Do you feel that these info are burdening you and causing you unnecessary insecurities + self doubt about yourself and your capability to make your marriage successful?
Let go of these burden because it is tiring you out badly. It is unfair for you to live through other people's experiences.
Everyone' s marriage is unique in it's own way. If their particular model of marriage doesn't work out, it doesn't mean your's won't work out too. If other people's husband cheat on them doesn't mean your husband will cheat on you.

Whatever happens to other people's marriage is not of your concern.
You carve out your own life, career and your own marriage. Everybody's path is different. You don't need other people's views to dictate or influence how you run your life and marriage.

Instead of having self doubt about your marriage and your husband,
You should try recalling the happy times that you and your husband had prior to marriage. Recall the trust that you had in him, the confidence that you had at that time when you say "i do". Look back at photos that you and him took before.

Try to resolve your issues and communicating with your husband helps to resolve your insecurities.
No good to pent everything up within yourself.

Communicate more with your husband about your insecurities. Encourage him to share his insecurities and problems too. Since your husband travels a lot, try to find time to go on an outing as a family so that the both of you can build and strengthen the chemistry/bond. Once you and him feel the time is right, you can start communicating.
I feel it is not fair for you to shoulder such insecurities alone. Your significant other should also bear it with you and work it out if he really loves you and treasure you.

You can also try to approach a marriage counsellor, if you and your husband are ready to accept help through this channel. It would be very good if both you and husband attend the session together. I believe both you and him can gain a lot of insights about each other.


Most importantly smile more. be more positive, have more confidence in yourself and your husband!
It will definitely help you in many areas of your life and overcoming obstacles in life's journey!

My two cents worth.
Take care

[cablesnwires]

I just wonder if TS's husband is also one of the samsters here. Just to check, how old is your husband?

[hugs]

wow i am not the only female samster who wrote a thread at Matter of the Heart XD

i dont care abt sex n love anymore btw . i see love as love n sex as sex now . no more interlink

love is what i feel when i watch my kids sleeping soundly in the nite , or when my kids n me holding hands walking to the nearby mcdonalds , or when we laughs at the silly jokes we crack

love is when i saw a blind man singing outside tiong bahru plaza with the best voice i ever heard , and gave him my best offer into his charity box . love is also when i refused to say anything back after i overheard a colleague tell-tale on me . i understood now that love is gentle , and it is kind .

sex on the other hand is a different thing . it is a form of pleasure . just like watching a block-buster its abt fun n it doesnt do very well keeping to moral rules becos fun n pleasure is what it is abt . so i think we shd be fun-loving n keeping the fun going steadily in our lives n that include sexual fun . that is the fundamental of a relationship too . keep moral outside the bedroom but in the bedroom , focus on the fun both can create .

marriage is not abt sex so nvr use sex as the reason for separation either . sex isnt the reason , the truth is boys will also be boys . adventurous , curious , daring , seeking out new excitement . except when they mature , they will see that sometimes what they do will upset their love ones .

so the matured man will handle their fun wisely , they are great man that women adore . lets face it , dont we woman admire man besides the bf or husband ? every woman secretly has someone else in thier heart besides their bf or husband . that is the typical characteristic of every woman . and sometimes we show it inside the bedroom...see ? how that can hurt a marriage too but we nvr think it that way

[boyboy72]

Originally Posted by hugs

i dont care abt sex n love anymore btw . i see love as love n sex as sex now . no more interlink

sex on the other hand is a different thing . it is a form of pleasure . just like watching a block-buster its abt fun.
so the matured man will handle their fun wisely , they are great man that women adore . lets face it , dont we woman admire man besides the bf or husband ? every woman secretly has someone else in thier heart besides their bf or husband . that is the typical characteristic of every woman . and sometimes we show it inside the bedroom...see ? how that can hurt a marriage too but we nvr think it that way

Nice. Maybe we can meet up for coffee. :-)

[Roman city]

Getting married is very much easier than staying married....

[Angelapin]

have u actually caught him cheating?

trust is two way....
of coz men OR women have the tendency to stray...
temptation will always be present... u can't worry incessantly, esp if there is no grounds to...u are only killing your marriage prematurely!

[MoneyTalksss]

Sticking to the same girl is really really hard ....... I even find it hard to stick to the same FL already *shock face*