Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

10 ways you know you've had good sex....

1. Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge.

2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies.

3. An earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area.

4. The cat's exhausted from just watching you.

5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs.

6 You've both gone down one clothing size.

7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There's nothing left to adjust.

8. You have to breathe into a brown paper bag.

9. Boy, are you hungry!

10. You're absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.

[sawenara]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

Nice share bro LOL

[Hurricane88]

😎The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?

""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.

""Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge.

"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.

Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

*_'This is your asshole before prison.................."😂

[Hurricane88]

Jokes pictures...

[RioDeJanuary]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very funny one, thanks bro

[Hurricane88]

A Jewish cook went to the Vatican and insisted on seeing the Pope.

After a long wait, the Pope granted him an audience and asked the cook what could he do for him.

The Jew said that he was a cook, before him his father was a cook, his grandfather was a cook, his great grandfather was a cook, and that he comes from a family of cooks that goes back to over 2000 years....

The Pope congratulated him and asked him again, what could he do for him?

The Jew said: "the bill for the last supper has still not been paid."

[Sevenswords]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A Jewish cook went to the Vatican and insisted on seeing the Pope.

After a long wait, the Pope granted him an audience and asked the cook what could he do for him.

The Jew said that he was a cook, before him his father was a cook, his grandfather was a cook, his great grandfather was a cook, and that he comes from a family of cooks that goes back to over 2000 years....

The Pope congratulated him and asked him again, what could he do for him?

The Jew said: "the bill for the last supper has still not been paid."

Typical Jew hehe

[Hurricane88]

💈 *THE HAIRCUT* 💇🏻‍♂💇🏻‍♀

_"Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting."_

👧🏻 One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
🌹💐🌹

👨🏻‍✈ Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
🍩🥐🍩

🙋🏻‍♂ Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.
🗣👥👤👥👤

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: _"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!"

[kookaburra]

Thank you for posting nice jokes.

[davienna]

[QUOTE=Hurricane88;19499167]Jokes pictures...

/QUOTE]

Subtle nice joke and thanks.

[dacelo]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

💈 *THE HAIRCUT* 💇🏻‍♂💇🏻‍♀

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.
🗣👥👤👥👤

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: _"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!"

Very funny and thanks.

[eggsbusket]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very nice share, thanks bro.

[CirclesFun]

Very nice jokes by bros bigbirdbird and Hurricane88.
Thank you so much.

[kXdong]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

😎The difference between Oo and oO

Great share bro LOL

[bigbirdbird]

Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time.

A few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trip.

"I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!" says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11' all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

"I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies. "My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

"You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"