Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[zamphong]

Nice jokes, thanks!!

[HC NEWBIRD]

very good thread!

@

[bigbirdbird]

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any more; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your Ex-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
​

[bigbirdbird]

Chasing Women

Sylvia was in her backyard hanging up her washing when Sarah, her next door neighbor, poked her head over the fence and said, "I don't like being the one to have to tell you this Sylvia, but there's a rumor going around that your husband Robert is chasing the women."

"So what?" said Sylvia.

"But at his age!" said Sarah, "He's over 80 isn't he?"

"Ya, so he's eighty-two, so what?" replied Sylvia. "Let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars, but when they catch one, can they drive it?"

[labut]

Very good jokes, thanks a lot!

[FUNNYANDHORNY]

Really?

[VRossi1980]

Thanks for sharing all the jokes, great thread.

[JoeLee2016]

nice house.... hahaha

[S.B.Y.1]

1)
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)

Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...

2)
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!


3)
Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!


(4)
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5)
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!


(6)
Million Dollar Truth:
If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends.
If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!

(7)
Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?
That was common sense leaving your body.

(8)
Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once…
But many people still go to their in-laws place..?

(9)
Boy: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Boy: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

(10)
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me, you are holding the phone since 30 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am
talking to my wife”

(11)
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.
She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot”

(12)
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

(13)
Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by mistake".

[christjk34]

I like the jokes here .... good thread

[Naturalists]

Originally Posted by christjk34

I like the jokes here .... good thread

Fully agreed bro!!

[pandhu]

So many great jokes here, thanks!

[Informer]

Camping here for more jokes.

[Laysfan]

Originally Posted by Informer

Camping here for more jokes.

Same, camping too

[SmartWhiteBoy]

Excellent jokes! Thanks