My crazy lifestyle & the price I paid for it

[genesis01]

Originally Posted by kristin18

I walked out of the toilet in a daze. All of a sudden I felt giddy. I didn't know what to do. I stood at one corner, my heart still pumping furiously, my hands still trembling. I called my close girlfriend (I'll call her H from here on). My voice was trembling as well. H asked me how was it, & the first word that came out of my mouth was "fuck". She immediately knew what had happened.

H: "Huh? So zhun ah? But I thought you took the pill? What happened? Why like that?"

I didn't know how to answer her, to be honest. I was searching for the answers myself; how could I possibly answer her.....? I felt as if I could break down & cry anytime, but I kept it in. I hung up the phone with her & phoned my sister, asking her if she could meet me immediately. I just needed to see someone, someone I could talk to to help solve this problem. My sister was sleeping. I told her I wanted to meet her immediately & she knew something was wrong. She kept pressing me to tell her what had happened but I couldn't say the words. Finally, after much hesitation, I said it.

"I'm pregnant", I whispered into the phone. I hadn't wanted to face up to reality, but the moment those two words came out from my mouth, I knew I couldn't run anymore. I had to face this. I had to solve this problem. I created this mess, & I had to clear it. There was no way I could run away from it. My sister was shocked. She, too, tried to seek answers through me. I couldn't provide her with any answers. None of them could help me, I realized. They were too shocked by what had happened. All they wanted were answers, which I couldn't give.

I hung up the phone & tried to rationally think through what was the next course of action to take. I started to make my way home first. I didn't turn up for work & I just sent an SMS saying that I was unwell. I looked up the Internet on what was the safest, quickest & cheapest way to get an abortion in Singapore. I wasn't gonna keep the baby, that's for sure. I wasn't ready for one. I was surviving on a $800/month pay with no CPF & no medisave. There was no way I could feed two mouths. & there was absolutely no way my parents would agree to me being a single mother. If they should know about this, I was quite sure that they'd disown me.

I found that the cheapest way was to head to a polyclinic & get a referral to a government hospital. The fees at a government hospital would be subsidised, & that seemed like the only way out for me.

I made my way to the polyclinic myself. Many thoughts ran through my mind. H suggested I let K in on the pregnancy, though we both believed it wouldn't make a difference, whether he knew about it or not. Well, I thought I'd just text him, anyway.

Me: "Are you busy? I have something to tell you."
K: "What's up?"
Me: "I'm pregnant."
K: "Huh????? I thought you went to see the doctor for the pill???? Why didn't you?????"
Me: "I did, but the pill didn't work."
K sent a sad emoticon.

I was filled with anger. All he could manage was just a sad emoticon?!

Me: "It's okay, I understand. Guys are privileged in that they can just fuck & go; I'll be left to deal with all of this alone -- both financially & emotionally. It's okay, I understand."
K: "Are you angry with me?"
Me: "What do you think?"
K: "So you think it's my fault? If so, I'm sorry."
Me: "What are you sorry about? If you don't think it's your fault, don't apologise to me. It's pointless that way."
K: "I'm sorry....... I really didn't intend for this to happen. I thought I came outside of you, but I guess I couldn't control."
Me: "Yeah, it's okay, don't worry about it...... I expect to be alone through all of this anyway, & I don't expect for you to bear the financial cost with me as well."
K: "I don't have money to help you.............. *sad emoticon*"

I stopped replying. I was too overwhelmed with the anger. A $50 as a form of an apology wasn't too much to ask for, I believed. Even if he wasn't willing to help me through this emotionally, the least he could do is lessen my financial burden. But his replies showed me that he didn't want to have anything to do with this pregnancy or abortion. I told myself to lose hope in this bastard & focus on solving this alone instead. I was afraid, because I knew it was gonna be a long journey ahead, but I braved myself up. I believed I was strong enough to go through this alone.



I was wrong about myself.

Pls send him to hell if that was really the case.

[gotnotime]

Ts, I hope that you're fine now, let this story serve as a warning to everyone to play safe, and enjoy as the story unfolds.

[Cherrygen]

That k is a bastard !! It's so heart wrenching to hear it happened.
1 of my classmate went for abortion in jc, that time she told me that she was afraid of the sound of vacuum cos it reminded her of her abortion. Her then bf raped her & she got pregnant becos of that. Her bf gave her $ to abort the baby.. We were only 17 yrs old then..

I hope u r ok now sis..

[ANowhereMan]

Oh my god, pathetic. You're so strong sis! Kudos to you!

[Scrabble]

Sorry to hear that. K's such a bastard!

[batusay]

Thats not how a real man should be responding. Karma will get to him dont worry. I hope you are alright now sis.

[Summerhillt]

A sad smiley face and than can siam all problems? But the baby confirm belongs to K right? Sis hope your allright man.. abortion really makes the girl feel damn weak after that.

Anyway i've heard that if a woman found out shes pregnant within the first 2 weeks.. she could go for a jab at the doctors and her menses will come? Is this true? My father told me this lol...

[LPPlol]

Hi TS

It was a nice story until you mentioned K gave you a sad emoticon... It really made me wanna punch him if i ever know him...

Yeah.. guys, i sound like white knight... but no la.. how i give that 'K' a cyber falcon punch?

We have no rights to comment on your life and since it's already unfolded, all we can do is wish for the best for you.

TS, is there anything or any advice you need from the forum thus far? Im sure it's not easy for you now... i mean, i've had a lady done an abortion before and that felt very very terrible. We were very much in love but she was married then... to make things worse, she is of a different race from me...

I only knew about it after she was in the clinic.. and she said she was scared. I asked her why and she said she is going for an abortion... i immediately called her but she turned off her handphone.

I only managed to contact her after she is done and I went to fetch her. I actually hated her for not discussing with me but she said it's for the best... I could not even take care of her after that... cos her hubby is at home.

A male homewrecker... lol! I get drunk to get rid of this guilt in me every now and then.

I still think alot about it every now and then. It's easily the most painful time of my life and it still is. I wonder sometimes how the kid will look like and feel really sad when i pass by little toddlers or babies..

Doctors have verified that it will be hard for her to get pregnant again.
Sadly, she and her husband not have any children yet.

That was 4 years ago. I've lost her contact since. I wanna tell her i am willing to do as much as i can to make it up to her. I know i don't have the right to but i think i should.

As one female samster, Sane, once told me, I'm the type that does not think of the consequences when i do things .. i admit i shouldn't have did as what she said when she asked me to cum inside her... but it happened and we both paid a very high price for it... more of the emotional price than the financial burden.

Back to you, TS... not sure if we want you to write more or hope that your story ended well... but i think we really want to know you are doing ok.

[kristin18]

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it very much. As much as I wish for this story to be fictional, it is as true as it can be.

Originally Posted by Summerhillt

A sad smiley face and than can siam all problems? But the baby confirm belongs to K right? Sis hope your allright man.. abortion really makes the girl feel damn weak after that.

Yes, the baby belonged to K. I don't know if I wished it belonged to someone else though, because maybe then it wouldn't have been so tough on me.

Originally Posted by LPPlol

TS, is there anything or any advice you need from the forum thus far? Im sure it's not easy for you now... i mean, i've had a lady done an abortion before and that felt very very terrible. We were very much in love but she was married then... to make things worse, she is of a different race from me...

Sorry to hear about your story, & it's nice to know that you were responsible enough to want to help her through it.

As for advice....... I don't think so. I just hope that I am able to, through my story, remind all samsters to think of the consequences before doing anything. Things that seem right to do in a moment of passion might lead to dire consequences that are hard to handle. & this applies both to the guys & ladies.

In a way, I brought this upon myself so perhaps it is only right to say I deserved it. K wasn't the only one at fault, to be honest, because I did call him up to my hotel room. It was the first time I'd done something like that in my drunken state. I definitely didn't expect the consequences to be as such.

[DocD]

As as much as i want to hold myself and everyone to be responsible, i don't think many men or women can resist the urge once in the moment liao to do raw. So all the planning has to happen before and alcohol just makes everything and everyone unpredictable. This is the truth. So OP I know it may mean little to hear it over the internet like this, but you are a human. And human makes mistakes. We all do. So I hope can find peace. And I know a lot of m fellow samsters including myself have only the kindest thoughts for you.

[kristin18]

The doctor at the polyclinic did a urine test for me to confirm if I was really pregnant. Before the results were out, I kept hoping that the pregnancy test kit was inaccurate & that it was all just a nightmare. But it wasn't. The doctor confirmed that I was pregnant & gave me a referral to one of the government hospitals. An appointment was made for the next day, because I wasn't planning to keep the baby so a diagnosis had to be made asap so that the abortion can be carried out before it was too late.

I went home after seeing the doctor. I acted as normally as I could. My dad was home by then & chided me for not going to work.

Dad: "Why are you always so lazy? Feel like going to work then go, don't feel like going don't go. No wonder you never get anywhere in life. Continue like this & you're just gonna screw your whole life up, & to be honest, you deserve it!"

I was in the toilet at that time. Upon hearing all of that, I broke down. The tears just flowed. No warning, nothing. My heart ached so much. I don't know what hurt more -- to know that I was pregnant & was about to commit the greatest sin of all, or to know that I couldn't confide in anybody for fear that they would judge me, or to know that I was all alone in this. All I knew was that there was a dull ache in my heart that just wouldn't go away.

I wiped my tears dry, took a deep breath, & told myself to stay strong.

--

The next day, I went for my appointment at the hospital. I saw many pregnant ladies accompanied by their partners. I felt even more alone, at that point. I was sent for an ultrasound scan & for counseling. The ultrasound scan showed the gestation sac, but no foetus. The radiologist then attached a piece of paper to my report, stating that there was a possibility that my pregnancy was an ectopic one. For those who don't know what is an ectopic pregnancy, it means that the foetus is not inside my womb but inside my fallopian tubes instead. An ectopic pregnancy cannot be kept because the baby cannot grow inside the tube. The tube will burst when the foetus grows & this could be dangerous for the mother.

The counsellor spoke to me & asked me about the father of the baby. I lied to her that the father of the baby was aware of the pregnancy, but he wasn't in Singapore so he wasn't able to accompany me. I also told her that we had both mutually agreed on the abortion. I think she didn't believe, but I guess it wasn't in her job scope to ask more.

When the doctor reviewed my ultrasound scan, he told me that I was probably only about four weeks' pregnant & hence he couldn't see the foetus. An appointment was made for three weeks later, because only then would it be possible to see the foetus.

I spoke to another close girlfriend about what had happened (I'll name her E from here on). E told me her experience when she was previously pregnant. She revealed to me that hers was an ectopic pregnancy. Menses-like cramps were normal, but her cramps were at the side. She didn't think much of it, not until one day the pain got so terrible & she had to be rushed to the hospital for an operation. She had to remove one of her fallopian tubes because of this, & it would be difficult for her to get pregnant in future. She told me to be careful -- if I felt pain at my side, I should go back to the hospital immediately.

It was my first time pregnant, & I really didn't know what to expect. I broke down again upon reaching home. I didn't want to kill my own flesh & blood. I was so reluctant to do so. If I could, I would've kept it, but I knew it was not possible. Even though I was only four weeks pregnant, I had already developed a connection with that little thing growing inside me. My heart hurt so badly..........

[Yardstick]

Sorry to hear about the unplanned pregnancy and the irresponsible guy. It is understandable that it will forever be a guilt playing in your mind. However, do try to let go and learn to look forward since there is no use crying over spilted milk.

I probably sound heartless. But in reality, sometimes life leaves us with little choice. Hope things are turning for the better.

[late bloomer]

Am sad to read this story sis.

Some mistakes cannot be rectified so easily.

I myself recently had a bad experience with raw.

I was also drunk at that time and things got a bit out of control.

Am waiting for another 6 months then go for AIDS test ...

[tangozhang]

i sorry to heard your story but to be honest i feel like punching the asshole that make u like these his a idoit hope he gt his retribution for treating u like these. U a strong woman i knw is nt easy being alone manage these but i sure u can wan we all here support u

[Nautica]

Originally Posted by late bloomer

Am waiting for another 6 months then go for AIDS test ...

Guess this will be the longest 6 months of your life.

Take care bro.