Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles Part 2

[acidicavex]

thanks for sharing your life yeah when one partner start nagging non-stop at the other the marriage no doubt will start turning sour.

I like the part when u mention self reflect but many don't maybe it is society that turn our the people into my self-center and self entitle.

example you do what u can for your partner birthday regardless just going by the observation you get what she like and try to pls her. At that moment it seem like a happy time. But you start noticing this example again the pair of earing or accessories you bought for her wasn't worn at all (ain't cheap stuff). Than u ask hey why you don't want to wear them?

1st excuse no occasion fit.
2nd excuse too loud must have right time to wear.
3rd excuse and final i won't wear them it totally not my style
all this excuse is span across for a period.

Than when it your birthday or happy occasion she will just tell you she don't know what u want. After year of being together your partner can tell u that? sad isn't it?

I feel that stuff get sour always like u mention nitpicking at one another that is the breaking point for me also. But this days it so common i witness so many couple half a year ago they still showing so much love 6 months down suddenly divorce . Manage to only found out one or 2 cases the break up is due to taking thing for granted.

Sad that this days couple to compromise with each is rather hard. Maybe due to work, family etc pressure.

Originally Posted by AnnieYJL

Interesting views. To me, playing a part of the marriage is the duty of both sides right? We can argue that both husband and wife also have a job and are both tired. So it is fair to split the work.

I feel marriage is both sides. If I start nagging at my husband when he spend on his gadgets, then he will nag at me for spending on ladies stuff. If I start checking his phone, he will want to check mine as well. A lot of ppl think marriage is about 2 person but I disagree. It involves his parents, siblings also. If I start being nasty to his parents, he will start being nasty to mine.

Maybe that is how I live my life. I start doing what I think is right. For example if we go Europe, i will never fail to bring presents for his parents, immediate family. If we travel during CNY, then reunion dinner is a must and we give out all the red packers and well wishes before we fly. At times I self reflect, I would say my husband probably sacrifice more than me. He probably packed lunch/dinner 70% of the time. Paid 70-80% of all the expenses…cannot complain right? Sometimes you start nitpicking then relationship will sour. Every couple sure have conflict one. Sometime I just walk away and go some where to chill….Compare to some ppl, I am already very fortunate. I heard some husband are quite abusive then the wife quite poor thing

[Kruzer0102]

Originally Posted by AnnieYJL

Interesting views. To me, playing a part of the marriage is the duty of both sides right? We can argue that both husband and wife also have a job and are both tired. So it is fair to split the work.

I feel marriage is both sides. If I start nagging at my husband when he spend on his gadgets, then he will nag at me for spending on ladies stuff. If I start checking his phone, he will want to check mine as well. A lot of ppl think marriage is about 2 person but I disagree. It involves his parents, siblings also. If I start being nasty to his parents, he will start being nasty to mine.

Maybe that is how I live my life. I start doing what I think is right. For example if we go Europe, i will never fail to bring presents for his parents, immediate family. If we travel during CNY, then reunion dinner is a must and we give out all the red packers and well wishes before we fly. At times I self reflect, I would say my husband probably sacrifice more than me. He probably packed lunch/dinner 70% of the time. Paid 70-80% of all the expenses…cannot complain right? Sometimes you start nitpicking then relationship will sour. Every couple sure have conflict one. Sometime I just walk away and go some where to chill….Compare to some ppl, I am already very fortunate. I heard some husband are quite abusive then the wife quite poor thing

Sis sounds like a rare find. Yr husband must b fortunate to have you.

Maybe i read too much stories on NUSwhispers Theres really alot of relationship/marriage issues ongoing in sg..really sad

[bignehneh]

Actually relationship is quite easy. It will work if you think of “her” or “him” first. Unfortunately, many think of me me me. My wife and I didn’t really buy presents for each other and we don’t buy expensive things for anniversary. Because after a while, you really cannot buy anything useful. As such, we discussed and we say why not let’s not buy present for each other during these occasions. However, on and off I still break the rule and buy for her. Which makes her very appreciative. Some of the things are quite common (no need to use brain think also can).

Example:
She was using an old iPad mini so when new one is released, I just bought 1 for her.
Her Apple Watch is gen 4 so when this year releases gen 8, maybe I will buy 1 for her?

Last year I bought a new 4k projector to replace our 4 year old projector. My friend said you surely die one. Go home wife sure kpkb say why waste money etc. strangely, my wife was rather impressive by the immersive experience and she said why not let her pay for this. Wa Kao! Suddenly save more than $3000. Sometimes my wife will use the projector to watch some Korean drama. If it was my friend, he would have told his wife off because 4k projector only use for high quality 4k movies etc…For me, fuck it la. Why argue over this kind of thing. Use already spoil just buy new one la.

I told him give and take la. You go ktv, massage every month spend $500-600. CB! Not waste money meh. Why this kind of thing need to quarrel with wife? One of my friend more bo liao. Fantasize and want to do anal and gangbang with wife. I told him you cb la! Your wife so well versed in anal and gangbang then you worry. Go do it with some whore lo. Damn funny….People got plenty of funny ideas.

Strangely speaking, my friends who cheong a lot before marriage all settled down to become super good husband and wife. Very very strange. Those guai guai one suddenly got a lot of funny ideas

[LloydDrync]

Dear brothers/sisters.

May I enter here from another perspective?

Consider this........detach yourself for one moment, and look at the construction of all the above statements, the

[gfplayer]

Please add me on WeChat Ragnarok422

[cmelater]

My humble experiences to share. Intimacy is an integral part of relationships. Else, its hard to sustain, imo. May be my wiring is different, but I value intimacy quite a lot. Not just the f**k, but the hugging together and falling asleep her hands in mine.

But, my ex never thought it was necessary. She thought that overnight has to involve a f**k, though the intimacy was the main course. One day she raved to me that her friend's hubby n her only do it once a month. Not very inspiring to hear that. I know my ex had low sex drive and don't really pressure her for it.

One day, she started to avoid bathing together and I also got quite curious as to what happened. Eventually, the cat was let out of the bag. She said she didn't trust me cos of my history in ktv and I had other girlfriends. In the Bible, wasn't it said that let the one who is sinless cast the first stone? All men (and women) are sinners.

If I had sinned before, it was history. I just wanted another chance at a normal relationship. She and I distanced ever more and rejected my advances. Very often, it was just outright rejection in the face. When she started asking for gifts and money, I felt thoroughly pissed. In a way, my mind was transformed into that of a child who wouldn't leave the toy shop, unless mummy bought that toy.

I was having a relationship with a girl who didnt want intimacy with me and had grave distrust towards me. Honestly, its not that I cannot afford, but I chose not to pay for someone who wasn't willing to be with me. At that time when she started turning me away and stopped kissing me, I thought the relationship was over.

The uglier truth was... I didn't respect her anymore. She was no longer the innocent girl I knew. Behind my back, she was consulting her good friends about how to deal with me. Yet, I feel deep grief... She felt so real, until I realised she was not having a mind of her own. She just lived a life which filled the expectations of others, rather than a life she truly believed in.

I am a normal guy like many of the guys here. I want my girl to be someone I can be intimate with... not some ktv whore or ml. But, if I cannot, then the choice is just clear. Yet, I kept holding on to her hoping someday she will turn around and tell me she really missed being together.

My expectations are not high..... Perhaps, the truth is that the right person has yet to be found. I live a life to believe in what I wish to believe is real and not deal with what my ex's friends think.

Yet, I feel very fortunate.... because my mum loved me so much and strived to stay alive, in the face of a terrible disease. What other love is more true than that? Staying alive each day in grave pain and wishing to have one more look at those who truly matter. Finally, I dare say that no other girl (till date) is truly worthy of that same spot that my mum holds in my mind. I grief from time to time over my mum's passing. That is the single most important reminder why I have to keep myself strong and sane... alone, in the face of a world gone mad (truly).

[AnnieYJL]

Originally Posted by cmelater

My humble experiences to share. Intimacy is an integral part of relationships. Else, its hard to sustain, imo. May be my wiring is different, but I value intimacy quite a lot. Not just the f**k, but the hugging together and falling asleep her hands in mine.

But, my ex never thought it was necessary. She thought that overnight has to involve a f**k, though the intimacy was the main course. One day she raved to me that her friend's hubby n her only do it once a month. Not very inspiring to hear that. I know my ex had low sex drive and don't really pressure her for it.

One day, she started to avoid bathing together and I also got quite curious as to what happened. Eventually, the cat was let out of the bag. She said she didn't trust me cos of my history in ktv and I had other girlfriends. In the Bible, wasn't it said that let the one who is sinless cast the first stone? All men (and women) are sinners.

If I had sinned before, it was history. I just wanted another chance at a normal relationship. She and I distanced ever more and rejected my advances. Very often, it was just outright rejection in the face. When she started asking for gifts and money, I felt thoroughly pissed. In a way, my mind was transformed into that of a child who wouldn't leave the toy shop, unless mummy bought that toy.

I was having a relationship with a girl who didnt want intimacy with me and had grave distrust towards me. Honestly, its not that I cannot afford, but I chose not to pay for someone who wasn't willing to be with me. At that time when she started turning me away and stopped kissing me, I thought the relationship was over.

The uglier truth was... I didn't respect her anymore. She was no longer the innocent girl I knew. Behind my back, she was consulting her good friends about how to deal with me. Yet, I feel deep grief... She felt so real, until I realised she was not having a mind of her own. She just lived a life which filled the expectations of others, rather than a life she truly believed in.

I am a normal guy like many of the guys here. I want my girl to be someone I can be intimate with... not some ktv whore or ml. But, if I cannot, then the choice is just clear. Yet, I kept holding on to her hoping someday she will turn around and tell me she really missed being together.

My expectations are not high..... Perhaps, the truth is that the right person has yet to be found. I live a life to believe in what I wish to believe is real and not deal with what my ex's friends think.

Yet, I feel very fortunate.... because my mum loved me so much and strived to stay alive, in the face of a terrible disease. What other love is more true than that? Staying alive each day in grave pain and wishing to have one more look at those who truly matter. Finally, I dare say that no other girl (till date) is truly worthy of that same spot that my mum holds in my mind. I grief from time to time over my mum's passing. That is the single most important reminder why I have to keep myself strong and sane... alone, in the face of a world gone mad (truly).

That is so sad! Hope your mum is well. Sometimes a bit difficult to accept guys with some history. Maybe you can prove to her your clean health? Not forgetting at times one party may not want protection and this could be a problem due to the fanciful history?

[Kruzer0102]

Originally Posted by cmelater

My humble experiences to share. Intimacy is an integral part of relationships. Else, its hard to sustain, imo. May be my wiring is different, but I value intimacy quite a lot. Not just the f**k, but the hugging together and falling asleep her hands in mine.

But, my ex never thought it was necessary. She thought that overnight has to involve a f**k, though the intimacy was the main course. One day she raved to me that her friend's hubby n her only do it once a month. Not very inspiring to hear that. I know my ex had low sex drive and don't really pressure her for it.

One day, she started to avoid bathing together and I also got quite curious as to what happened. Eventually, the cat was let out of the bag. She said she didn't trust me cos of my history in ktv and I had other girlfriends. In the Bible, wasn't it said that let the one who is sinless cast the first stone? All men (and women) are sinners.

If I had sinned before, it was history. I just wanted another chance at a normal relationship. She and I distanced ever more and rejected my advances. Very often, it was just outright rejection in the face. When she started asking for gifts and money, I felt thoroughly pissed. In a way, my mind was transformed into that of a child who wouldn't leave the toy shop, unless mummy bought that toy.

I was having a relationship with a girl who didnt want intimacy with me and had grave distrust towards me. Honestly, its not that I cannot afford, but I chose not to pay for someone who wasn't willing to be with me. At that time when she started turning me away and stopped kissing me, I thought the relationship was over.

The uglier truth was... I didn't respect her anymore. She was no longer the innocent girl I knew. Behind my back, she was consulting her good friends about how to deal with me. Yet, I feel deep grief... She felt so real, until I realised she was not having a mind of her own. She just lived a life which filled the expectations of others, rather than a life she truly believed in.

I am a normal guy like many of the guys here. I want my girl to be someone I can be intimate with... not some ktv whore or ml. But, if I cannot, then the choice is just clear. Yet, I kept holding on to her hoping someday she will turn around and tell me she really missed being together.

My expectations are not high..... Perhaps, the truth is that the right person has yet to be found. I live a life to believe in what I wish to believe is real and not deal with what my ex's friends think.

Yet, I feel very fortunate.... because my mum loved me so much and strived to stay alive, in the face of a terrible disease. What other love is more true than that? Staying alive each day in grave pain and wishing to have one more look at those who truly matter. Finally, I dare say that no other girl (till date) is truly worthy of that same spot that my mum holds in my mind. I grief from time to time over my mum's passing. That is the single most important reminder why I have to keep myself strong and sane... alone, in the face of a world gone mad (truly).

Well.. some stuff stick to you throughout yr entire life. (Tattoos, records, yr past). Ladies selecting their guys these days are pretty much employers looking at a bunch of linkedin profiles.

Yeah.. gotta agree that no one other yr parents could truly still love you despite yr past. Don't get taken advantage by other ladies too. I dun believe if u say u dun hav high expectation tho ( pretty sure thr are still alot girls might be still interested in you despite yr mentioned backgrounds if u put all the other factors like age, looks aside )

[bignehneh]

Originally Posted by Kruzer0102

Well.. some stuff stick to you throughout yr entire life. (Tattoos, records, yr past). Ladies selecting their guys these days are pretty much employers looking at a bunch of linkedin profiles.

Yeah.. gotta agree that no one other yr parents could truly still love you despite yr past. Don't get taken advantage by other ladies too. I dun believe if u say u dun hav high expectation tho ( pretty sure thr are still alot girls might be still interested in you despite yr mentioned backgrounds if u put all the other factors like age, looks aside )

They looking for husband of course choosy la. As a guy, you want to marry a demure GND or a slut who fuck 1000 dicks and her nude all around internet? Hard truth right? There is always this thorn in the heart…

End of the day, I feel still matching expectations…my friends who used to cheong a lot, all are great family men today. Those who studied a lot, top students are cheonging a lot today…the role exchanged…

[soulempty]

Originally Posted by bignehneh

They looking for husband of course choosy la. As a guy, you want to marry a demure GND or a slut who fuck 1000 dicks and her nude all around internet? Hard truth right? There is always this thorn in the heart…

End of the day, I feel still matching expectations…my friends who used to cheong a lot, all are great family men today. Those who studied a lot, top students are cheonging a lot today…the role exchanged…

This is so true , back in the schooling days , those so called "bad boys" (tall and average looking dude) adventurous and alpha, who were very popular very girls , they dated and have relationship with tons of girls back then , some went to cheong but eventually most of them would settle down with a average girl and become a family man now.

While many of those nerdy specky guys who focus on studies (Not tall and just plain looking) , shy and innocent , those that are not popular with female , they don't have any relationship opportunity in life , they mostly stay single forever , most of the guys who are under this category took on a different life and took on the path of cheonging.

Such is the irony of life.

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by Kruzer0102

Well.. some stuff stick to you throughout yr entire life. (Tattoos, records, yr past). Ladies selecting their guys these days are pretty much employers looking at a bunch of linkedin profiles.

Yeah.. gotta agree that no one other yr parents could truly still love you despite yr past. Don't get taken advantage by other ladies too. I dun believe if u say u dun hav high expectation tho ( pretty sure thr are still alot girls might be still interested in you despite yr mentioned backgrounds if u put all the other factors like age, looks aside )

History is there for a good reason. Be it to teach us or remind us to be better people. Everyone has their own history. Be it good or bad. Some experiences are both good and bad.

A lot of things are fated. While I am not a follower of Buddhism, some things are obvious. Life is a cycle. Not every moment of life is up and up. When my ex started asking for allowance and asking about where my money is, I was thinking.... what if i'm out of job one day? Nothing lasts forever. Man to turns to ashes (eventually).

Whats real is only the memories and experiences we take away on our death beds. Isn't the moment today more real than trying to fathom a future which may or may not exist? I really can't understand my ex and she worried over many things that arent real.

A Greek philosopher said, "there is much to fear in this world, but nothing more so than humans."

My ex and I had a great relationship to start, but divided by just one word "culture". I will miss the memories of her leaping onto my back and texting me at random. But, I miss my mum even more because she gave away the most precious thing of her life. The time which she could have used to find a better man.

Charlie Chaplin once said that life is tragedy up close and a comedy long shot. Perhaps, it was and still remain so.

Wishing everyone a smoother path and find your own true directions.

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by soulempty

This is so true , back in the schooling days , those so called "bad boys" (tall and average looking dude) adventurous and alpha, who were very popular very girls , they dated and have relationship with tons of girls back then , some went to cheong but eventually most of them would settle down with a average girl and become a family man now.

While many of those nerdy specky guys who focus on studies (Not tall and just plain looking) , shy and innocent , those that are not popular with female , they don't have any relationship opportunity in life , they mostly stay single forever , most of the guys who are under this category took on a different life and took on the path of cheonging.

Such is the irony of life.

Cheonging gives man a chance to acquire back the time which he could not have other been able to have. hahahahha.

But, Tony Fernandes (co founder of Air Asia) said this. If there is a girl whom you really want to get her number, what do you do? Do you let it pass or get her number? The answer is, just go get her number because the downside is she rejects you outright and walks away. The upside is you get her number.

Much of life's pains come from acts of omission, rather than commission. That was what Jeff Bezos said. Rather have done it than to lie on death bed in regret.

I like what Steve Jobs said about death is the single most important lesson. I add to him that if not for realising that time is a limited resource, I would not have shed away my shy and fear of rejection like how a caterpillar molts and turns into a butterfly.

I did really dumb things.... though (in retrospect) sounding quite brave. I was drunk one night in the lift at Peace center and a girl got into the lift. My guy friends and I looked at her. It was a few floors more to go. Then, she looked back at me. I told her, "你真的好漂亮。在这一刻，如果我不认识你，就没机会了."

She laughed and nodded. I asked her, "来来，快快加个微信。”

The rest was history (as they always say). While I did really dumb things, its amusing when I recall these memories sometimes.

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by AnnieYJL

That is so sad! Hope your mum is well. Sometimes a bit difficult to accept guys with some history. Maybe you can prove to her your clean health? Not forgetting at times one party may not want protection and this could be a problem due to the fanciful history?

My mum already long gone. No point prove to my ex. The distrust too deep. We are in one country, but divided in different worlds. I also have accepted it. No point pursuing the impossible.

[platinummasseur]

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[airman]

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