My Story.... And I hope bros will not make the same mistake as me.....

[KonKam]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

Yes, we all know this is a fatal rule of relationships.

NEVER EVER let your partner know of the reckless things you had done. Not in a moment of utter anger, depression and loneliness.
But to me, what is done had been done. There is also a proverb that goes, "No point crying over spilled milk." and the adage, "To err is human, to forgive is divine."

Despite her appearance to seem to have forgave, it made me wonder from time to time (esp on the times she enjoys bringing up the 2 bad incidents and twists it to give it a new twist) that if she had truly forgiven.

I am no saint. But unfortunately, she's no vestal virgin either. She claims her experiences were from her past bfs..... I haven't really asked her thoroughly but the question lingers.... ie, she lost her virginity at what age under what circumstances? But we all know its a pointless question just to satisfy my personal curiousity. But "curiousity kills the cat".

bro,
i fear for you if you really think that "somehow or something or somewhere" can really change her thinking about you.

i pray for you.

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by KonKam

bro,
i fear for you if you really think that "somehow or something or somewhere" can really change her thinking about you.

i pray for you.

Maybe I am naive my friend.

But deep in my heart, I do not know the reason for it, but there's always this thing in my heart.

Maybe its fate.

[Tai_zi21]

Just my point of view

Never expected your other half to change Be Cos of You Cos chances are very low! If u cannot accept for who Or wat she is! Probably give up will be a better choice! Fate only can bring u so far only

[huhu123]

Originally Posted by Tai_zi21

Just my point of view

Never expected your other half to change Be Cos of You Cos chances are very low! If u cannot accept for who Or wat she is! Probably give up will be a better choice! Fate only can bring u so far only

100% agree with what u say

[stillgottheblue]

Originally Posted by Tai_zi21

Just my point of view

Never expected your other half to change Be Cos of You Cos chances are very low! If u cannot accept for who Or wat she is! Probably give up will be a better choice! Fate only can bring u so far only

Many relationships go wrong like that. Fully agreed!

[Wintermelontea]

bro,

do you have a viable solution to all that you have said? if there are, any time frame to resolve them and move on positively?

i asked these is because i have been through what you have and truth be told, we are no longer together. she and i are 10 yrs apart and we lasted more than 2 years.

sometimes, it's no longer love when a relationship comes to this stage. it is more of a 舍不得，不愿意放弃，不甘心 etc etc. being older means we have to decide at most times since our younger partner may not have the life experiences to make an informed decision.

it is not too late...don't make it too late and most important, you are responsible for your own happiness before you can make someone else happy.

take care.

[wells]

she seems to be an super emotional woman...haiz... ur past she cannot take it then cannot go for long run eventually worst scenerio will come.

my wife ask me a lot of my past, did you do this do that?? I can only reply the minimum cannot full blast without handbrake...later accident leh.

i always apply this - so near yet so far, so far say so near...

[sane]

Originally Posted by huhu123

100% agree with what u say

I agree too ...

Pray for TS too if he marry her!!

Now i understand y some men decided to bail out before they get too deeply involved.

[pitabooom]

In the midst of preparation.

Unfortunately, I am wondering if the whole adage runs true - 狗改不了吃屎.

Whilst we had put our past behind us (and I had learnt some ugly truths as well - of teenage sex and pregnancy) and came to an agreement that things had passed and cannot be reversed, but unfortunately, her personality, somehow is coming to a point where Planet Mars is going to collide into Planet Earth and it is the source of great discomfort within my very close knit family and it appears that things within my own family are going to get torn apart with her as a flashpoint through her non-sympathetic and non-empathetic character.

When 2 families of extremely different backgrounds come together, one that is complete and the other that is broken, the effort needed to glue everything is herculean. I somehow feel that my energy is sapping a little.

[sane]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

In the midst of preparation.

Unfortunately, I am wondering if the whole adage runs true - 狗改不了吃屎.

Whilst we had put our past behind us (and I had learnt some ugly truths as well - of teenage sex and pregnancy) and came to an agreement that things had passed and cannot be reversed, but unfortunately, her personality, somehow is coming to a point where Planet Mars is going to collide into Planet Earth and it is the source of great discomfort within my very close knit family and it appears that things within my own family are going to get torn apart with her as a flashpoint through her non-sympathetic and non-empathetic character.

When 2 families of extremely different backgrounds come together, one that is complete and the other that is broken, the effort needed to glue everything is herculean. I somehow feel that my energy is sapping a little.

Actually preparation n separation is only a fine line apart! Anyway good luck to u.

前面的路越来越不好走。。

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by sane

Actually preparation n separation is only a fine line apart! Anyway good luck to u.

前面的路越来越不好走。。

Thanks sis.

Treading on extremely thin ice.

Elders advices suddenly pop into my mind now.... And the reason why elders are so anal on:
1) Family backgrounds
2) Education levels
3) Upbringing
4) How they treat their elders

It is all there for a reason.
1) Family backgrounds will ensure that families will be able to get along with one another.
2) Educational levels will ensure that both couples will have the wisdom to get along with one another.
3) Upbringing determines one's disposition, personality and character.
4) How one treats their own elders will determine their levels of sympathy and empathy levels.

I don't really want to be judgmental on things, but apparently points 1, 2, 3 and 4 are not on her list.

[sane]

Originally Posted by pitabooom

Thanks sis.

Treading on extremely thin ice.

Elders advices suddenly pop into my mind now.... And the reason why elders are so anal on:
1) Family backgrounds
2) Education levels
3) Upbringing
4) How they treat their elders

It is all there for a reason.
1) Family backgrounds will ensure that families will be able to get along with one another.
2) Educational levels will ensure that both couples will have the wisdom to get along with one another.
3) Upbringing determines one's disposition, personality and character.
4) How one treats their own elders will determine their levels of sympathy and empathy levels.

I don't really want to be judgmental on things, but apparently points 1, 2, 3 and 4 are not on her list.

Welcome to the stage when honeymood period is over ....

Now hor I understand y ppl prefer to have fb/NSA, happier with no strings attached, 好来好散。
Big mistake if u decided to commit and get serious with the families involved, it only get complicated.

Tiring if u r busy solving out the differences and fighting fire everyday.

End of the day, u only realise that staying single will always be the best!

[pitabooom]

I couldn't understand it for the love of my life when I saw bros here having FB/NSA. Until I am in the quagmire myself (refer to my other article on WHY men wanted to "eat out").

I've been doing so much of the planning that even though after my Operation and 3 bloody week of MC, I couldn't really get a good day's rest physically and mentally with all these things on. I predict that I will return to work next week in a much worse shape than I was before.

She had been constantly accusing me of "bullying her", "crushing her with my big family" (when my family was never involved in our quarrels. They were hands-off). Ironically, she has been publicly humiliating me in front of complete strangers who were pretty alarmed at the remarks she's sprouting to the man she's locking arms with (ie, yours truly).

Ironically, my Mum once said this to me, "Are you much happier when you fell sick and when you are alone in your apartment when you were working in Thailand than now?"

1 question. But this woman who had seen every ups and downs of a man for the past 30++ years answered almost every damned thing with 1 question. lolz~

Anyway, I had told her earlier, "I am NOT SIGNING ANYTHING until I get major issues worked out."

A little voice in my head tells me, "Its ok if I had done preparations. I can re-use it for the next better woman."

I know that's weird, but isn't it weirder that a guy is the one that is planning the wedding:
- Budget
- Venue
- All miscellaneous and details

Whilst she only cares about:
- Her own guest list
- How she will look on her big day
- "Oh, need to pay. I pay half loh" (but after my extensive budgeting, she's nowhere paying half of the actual budget).

[queeniegal]

Hi TS

You are dying for a change so you decided to married her.. Hmmm I would say it might not be a good choice before marriage already so many issues after marriages it would be worst.

Miracle won't happen.

She is not Singaporean right so getting married is to obtain her pr? Or citizenship? Sometimes don't under estimate a lady you may belittle her lowly educated then you.

Well after marriage divorce, you need to give her alimony also house if share name have to give her half of it. - not very sure but well that the basic stuff I always heard

Take some days off from work, book a trip to somewhere alone. Have a good thought of it. Really you want to spend your rest of your life with her. If so I do give you my blessing

Preparation till the day you still can call it off. I have friend last mins before the day of married that gal run off or guy. Pretty common these days.

Or maybe should try understand each other more again then settling down.

Don't want go back to dark days also don't have to buried yourself into a dark future with every day having arguments. Is too tiring ESP after hard day at work all we need is someone there listening or sharing his or her day.

Advising on each other, comforting each other, encouraging and caring .

Pardon me being kpo I just can't help to reply you cause I have a friend lately doing his divorce undergoing lots of stress and being retrenched.

Oh you went operations, hope u feeling better! Take more tonic!
Birdnest very good for operations.

Good luck!

[pitabooom]

Originally Posted by queeniegal

Hi TS

You are dying for a change so you decided to married her.. Hmmm I would say it might not be a good choice before marriage already so many issues after marriages it would be worst.

Miracle won't happen.

She is not Singaporean right so getting married is to obtain her pr? Or citizenship? Sometimes don't under estimate a lady you may belittle her lowly educated then you.

Well after marriage divorce, you need to give her alimony also house if share name have to give her half of it. - not very sure but well that the basic stuff I always heard

Take some days off from work, book a trip to somewhere alone. Have a good thought of it. Really you want to spend your rest of your life with her. If so I do give you my blessing

Preparation till the day you still can call it off. I have friend last mins before the day of married that gal run off or guy. Pretty common these days.

Or maybe should try understand each other more again then settling down.

Don't want go back to dark days also don't have to buried yourself into a dark future with every day having arguments. Is too tiring ESP after hard day at work all we need is someone there listening or sharing his or her day.

Advising on each other, comforting each other, encouraging and caring .

Pardon me being kpo I just can't help to reply you cause I have a friend lately doing his divorce undergoing lots of stress and being retrenched.

Oh you went operations, hope u feeling better! Take more tonic!
Birdnest very good for operations.

Good luck!

She IS a Singaporean. So the issue of "marriage for citizenship/PR" is not really there.

I have no idea what turned her into this 'thing' I am handling now. She ran into rough patches in her previous relationships and when I knew her, she was climbing out of her own rough patch (I was going through my dark times as well and having no one to turn to, I have to bloody my own feet and hands to climb out of my own pit).

Her old advices to me when I'm having problems previously or feeling stressed? She would not say anything, and just give me a long hug.

Her new advices? "This is life, suck it up."

Previously, she was like, "You are so noble, making sacrifices for your family."
Now, she is like, "Why are you so stupid? Do your family appreciate it? You need money now, will your family give you? And your sibling whom you'd supported to go through Uni is a 败家子."

I do not know what had caused her to change drastically this way. Giving me candies AND hammering me after.

I really wanted to marry her, to fix her life, to give her happiness. But it all feels like my own positive energy had been drained away by her now and its changing back into the old negative, cynical energy that I'd sworn to eradicate.