Wife don't like sex

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by ah rat

Bro Monster,get the third lah

No thanks tikus...one divorce is more then enough to bankrupt me already...

[samyboys]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Better to find FL/WL, FB can get sticky after a while..that how i end up with my oc...she started off as my fb but end up in one big mess...and even really prefer FB then stick to a married one...singles can end up like those "FATAL ATTRACTION" situation...believe me bro I been through it..

married FBs not easy to find, later hubby get into the picture

[bochapsing]

Originally Posted by HCKing

after reading thru the numerous posts illustrating the same 'wife dont like sex' cases i came to a conclusion that most females these days are simply too self-centered and only cares and think abt their own needs and wants, their feelings and mood, their pleasure, their welfare, blah blah blah but nvr spare the same thoughts for their partners. its little wonder y there r always communication problems cos even if the guy is willing to talk, the girl is not willing to listen and such 'communication' would most likely ended up with the girl blabbering on her own problems and opinions and feelings and blah blah blah again.

i think u've just spoke out for many s'pore guys....

just to add on... seems tat more n more girls r using sex as a "bargaining (or threatening) weapons"....

it's not finding excuses for guys to "eat out".... but when there's no food at home, or got food at home but not allowed to eat, then wat they expect us to do??!!

if u do not use ur machine guns regular, it's very easy to break down... and later when u wan to use oso cannot liao.... no wonder, there're more n more problems of machine guns breaking down in s'pore...

[Canoneos]

The biggest killer of sex drive is stress. Ever since my wife stopped working and kids started school, her sex drive is up the roof. She now loves porn, cim, toys, and love it hard and rough. I can keep up only if I'm not stressed out at work. I understand not everyone can have the luxury of a spouse not working but reducing stress through communication, meditation, etc. might be a first step. Btw, my wife used to be a very innocent, conservative and religous Catholic girl.

[hickeybites]

reading this thread & felt some degree of shame...because i used to be one of those "i'm-tired-tonight-honey" wives.
just to lend some perspective from "the other side"... my past inertia was definitely not cos i didn't like sex or our kid became more important or i didn't find my hubby attractive anymore.
after giving birth, i just felt so unattractive & there was so much pressure (both external & internal) to be a good mum & wife & career woman. i couldn't believe that i was worth desiring if i can't even fulfill all the various criteria of being a "good" woman. not saying all women are like that but i find it hard to compartmentalize & just say "to hell with the crying baby & dirty house etc - let's just fuck!"

180 degree change after i shed all that preggy-weight + hubby & parents gave me support to stop working & be full-time mum. with the stress of all that roles-juggling gone, my libido just took off ! hubby and i also went for counselling & put in the necessary work = less accusations & arguing, more kind & encouraging words, tons of appreciation for each other. honestly i love sex (esp with hubby) & it's a hell lot more fun now.. i like to think that it comes with confidence & age

[squiggle]

Originally Posted by sweetmilf

Thanks everyone for giving advices to help me. But what you guys have suggested, I had actually done it all. From hinting, to asking, to questioning. Asked him to go counselling but he insist there's no need for it. Told him that I have my needs also. But turn deaf ear. Cried also no use. For years I have been trying very hard to get him to understand but he just brush it off.
I did told him before that its a matter of time if I decide to divorce him. Guess what, he said if I do, I will never get to see my girl again. And I can leave anytime. For the sake of my girl, I chose to stay in a loveless marriage.
I have tried wearing sexy lingerie too. But nothing helps. Ignored him for months but still the same. He has not seen me naked for months also.
Am really tired. Don't want to quarrel with him anymore as it does not help.
My girl is the only thing that keeps me going.

There are tons of factors I would say:

1. Eat out

2. Gotten STD

3. Below got problem

4. Just too stress with life


You can try to cook healthy food that improve a person sex drives, exercise together, communicate with each other, molest him lol & etc.

If we don't do sex/interested in sex = weird

Too much sex = boring

[Dracolash]

If he really heading out and you guys talked out, maybe you should also seek outside. Not to encourage on getting even but more on getting what you NEED. Who knows after sometime he will "wake up" and notice you again...

[samyboys]

Originally Posted by hickeybites

reading this thread & felt some degree of shame...because i used to be one of those "i'm-tired-tonight-honey" wives.
just to lend some perspective from "the other side"... my past inertia was definitely not cos i didn't like sex or our kid became more important or i didn't find my hubby attractive anymore.
after giving birth, i just felt so unattractive & there was so much pressure (both external & internal) to be a good mum & wife & career woman. i couldn't believe that i was worth desiring if i can't even fulfill all the various criteria of being a "good" woman. not saying all women are like that but i find it hard to compartmentalize & just say "to hell with the crying baby & dirty house etc - let's just fuck!"

180 degree change after i shed all that preggy-weight + hubby & parents gave me support to stop working & be full-time mum. with the stress of all that roles-juggling gone, my libido just took off ! hubby and i also went for counselling & put in the necessary work = less accusations & arguing, more kind & encouraging words, tons of appreciation for each other. honestly i love sex (esp with hubby) & it's a hell lot more fun now.. i like to think that it comes with confidence & age

u are lucky that counselling works for you.

but to be a stay at home mummy is could also means only one source of income, thus less subsidy as well.
however much depends how many kids u have.

i feel its all about time management, share of housework and then get intimate

[hickeybites]

Originally Posted by samyboys

u are lucky that counselling works for you.

but to be a stay at home mummy is could also means only one source of income, thus less subsidy as well.
however much depends how many kids u have.

i feel its all about time management, share of housework and then get intimate

u're right - being sahm is not for everyone & we have only 1 kid. key reason why i quit work is cos kid is autistic. my earlier post was too simplistic - i apologize. there are a lot of more other factors as well but stress was a major one.

when chatting with other gal-friends, i also come to a realization that sometimes (sometimes only) it's the mismatch of expectations & perceptions. they too want to make love & be intimate but complained that their hubbies seem to view them with less desire after kids are born. it's a bit like a vicious cycle in which some small misunderstanding feeds to another.. then BOOM it's like months of no sex.

i do remember that i had a lot of pride and initially refused to initiate or placed other things as more important. thankfully some shit happened that made me open my eyes & take stock of the situation. i made the first move to suggest counselling & take concrete steps to change attitude & appreciate him more... in turn it feeds into his attitude towards me & a more positive cycle emerged.

btw my man is quite mcp - no housework & chores. have never faulted him for that as i already knew this before marriage. didn't marry him cos he was good at housework anyways!

[analog]

Originally Posted by sweetmilf

Thanks everyone for giving advices to help me. But what you guys have suggested, I had actually done it all. From hinting, to asking, to questioning. Asked him to go counselling but he insist there's no need for it. Told him that I have my needs also. But turn deaf ear. Cried also no use. For years I have been trying very hard to get him to understand but he just brush it off.
I did told him before that its a matter of time if I decide to divorce him. Guess what, he said if I do, I will never get to see my girl again. And I can leave anytime. For the sake of my girl, I chose to stay in a loveless marriage.
I have tried wearing sexy lingerie too. But nothing helps. Ignored him for months but still the same. He has not seen me naked for months also.
Am really tired. Don't want to quarrel with him anymore as it does not help.
My girl is the only thing that keeps me going.

Hi Sweet MILF:

Your husband is delusional. You are the mother, the court will give you the child and hit him with maintenance. Its that simple, he can say what he wants. To grant the divorce the court will look only if you have been married for at least 3 years and why you want to divorce. Refusal of sexual intercourse is grounds for divorce so you'd get it.

In child custody it is almost always granted to the mother simply because that is in the best interest of the child and that is ALL that the court looks at. the court is not interested on why you got divorced,if there was adultry or anything...unless there was violence which it will look at.

the womens charter says he will have to pay you maintenance, its clear cut, its the law.

Your husband is bullshitting you, it is HE who amy never see his daughter again, not you.

Divorce the prick and get your life back.

Cheers,
jim

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by bochapsing

i think u've just spoke out for many s'pore guys....

just to add on... seems tat more n more girls r using sex as a "bargaining (or threatening) weapons"....

it's not finding excuses for guys to "eat out".... but when there's no food at home, or got food at home but not allowed to eat, then wat they expect us to do??!!

if u do not use ur machine guns regular, it's very easy to break down... and later when u wan to use oso cannot liao.... no wonder, there're more n more problems of machine guns breaking down in s'pore...

thats the reason y so many sg guys fall in love madly with WL from all over the places - GL, HC, KTV, dirty pubs etc. due to the accumulated lack of GFE back home, a guy can easily lose his big head and falls in love even with a plainjane looking WL who gives him the much needed sex and GFE, so much so that one can volunteer to be a KC victim willingly and starts living in a dream, hoping that the dream is real and he will never need to wake up from it to face the reality.

[Canoneos]

Hickeybites, I think you nailed it. My wife started to look after herself after stopping work. Started gym, took time with make up, nice clothes, high heels, etc. I think women need to feel sexy to get horny. Now in her early forties, she looks like a hot milf. Oh yes, she started wearing g-strings and once I see just a string on a nice ass, beh tahan and would fuck the hell out of her!

Btw, I'm not offering solutions, just making observations based on my own experience. If it helps someone, then great.

[sweetmilf]

Once again I thank you all for supporting and cheering me up and giving me advices to my problems.
My husband is a big chauvanist and he does not believe in counselling at all. Confide to my mother in law and hoping that she can help but all i got was nothing as she think its not a problem at all.
Everyday when i think of my position i cant help but wonder is it me? I ask my friends both male and female if i am not attractive anymore. I am 1.62m and 46kg. I do not think i am fat or chubby. I do look after my own skin well. Exercise regularly to prevent myself looking old and dowdy.
Recently I told my sister that if I do get divorce again. I wont think of getting married again. I am already 38. Its a cruel fact but who would still want a 38 year old?
I no longer think about myself. Now i only think of my little girl. Staying in this marriage for her sake. It is I who bring her to this world. And she is my responsibility. I have to give her the best and that includes a complete family.

[jonrai]

Hi sweetmilf,

Divorce is not a good choice, especially your child is still young.. why don't you keep yourself busy (look for a or more hobby)

[84gunner]

Originally Posted by hickeybites

reading this thread & felt some degree of shame...because i used to be one of those "i'm-tired-tonight-honey" wives.
just to lend some perspective from "the other side"... my past inertia was definitely not cos i didn't like sex or our kid became more important or i didn't find my hubby attractive anymore.
after giving birth, i just felt so unattractive & there was so much pressure (both external & internal) to be a good mum & wife & career woman...with the stress of all that roles-juggling gone, my libido just took off !

In the 1st place, nature didn't make male and female equal. Why only the females can get pregnant / bear babies? Why only the females have milk in their breasts after childbirth, can breast-feed? Although I don't know the purpose of men's nipples.

It is all thanks to the over-blown mentality about equality of the sexes from the west / US, and SGPeans tend to love to imitate things / trends from the west / US, and to a certain extent, SGPeans tend to carry things to the extreme.

In all factories, there will always be some exceptions, ie, defective products, that comes out of the manufacturing lines, regardless of how good the Quality Control is. Similarly, most human / living beings are similar / typical, but there are also some exceptions. As said, it is exception, and exceptions are the minority, otherwise, why are they called exception? Back to SGPeans, many SGPeans, especially females, think they are exceptions, they are equally competent as the men, if not even more competent / capable. So SG females want to be career women, want to be the perfect woman (wife, Mum, daughter, daughter-in-law) at home. Be realistic, how many things / people are perfect in this world (that's why I say SGPeans tend to be extreme)?

Take a step backwards, do you think this demand or aim is realistic? Yes, it can be achieved, but everything has a price. Maybe on the outside, you may have a perfect, happy family, you do well in your career. But deep inside, nobody knows better than you, the struggle in the office / corporate, and balance family life (as a Mum, as a wife, as a daughter to your parents, as a DIL to your husband's parents, etc), and this is walking a tight rope and highly stressful. Once the rope snaps, that's it.

The feminist groups from the west / US says that MCP is degrading women, takes away dignity of women. Just because of a few successful women (exceptions), they say that women are equally competent as men in the working society, if not better, and at the same time, can still bear children and be good mothers. Look, if women are equally competent, why don't more women work as construction / renovation workers, or those labour intensive occupations? Sitting in the air-con office, of course everyone can!

Nature didn't make men and women equal in the 1st place! Even replacing a faulty lamp on the ceiling, fixing a loose screw, hammering the nail, the men are born to be better. Similarly, sewing, cooking, minute details, the women are born to be better. Each has his / her own strengths and weaknesses. By stressing to be equal, that person is simply mixing everything up, not capitalising on the strength, and magnifying the weakness all at the same time!

Many ang mohs have this concept in the bigger picture:
Whoever brings home the bigger piece of bread, whoever has the bigger say. I had colleagues who paid for everything, accomodation, meals, expenses, etc. So he demands his gf (also ang moh) to do the housework, cooking, etc. Other female colleagues said, "Shame on you, to think that you are from US, and you are still so MCP." His reply was, "but I'm paying for everyting, accomodation, food, expenses, and she is not working at all !"

The other more independant females work / make their own living, they really contribute half the share of the expenses, and they said, they don't want to depend on the men, they want to have equal say as the men, so they contribute exactly half the expenses. If they contribute any lesser, that means their men contribute more, than their man should have more say.

That said, I feel they are really more democratic in this sense, disregarding the natural advantage / disadvantage of their gender. And it's up to the individuals to choose, whether they allow the men to have more say, rule over them, MCP, etc, or they have equal say. While SGPeans, especially females, likes to take those words out of context.

End of the day, as long as everyone is happy and nobody gets hurt, who are we to say anything? 一个愿打，一个愿挨